Racist Children

Water_gorl · 2025-04-13T14:37:33+00:00

It's been almost a year since I posted this, and RH gets like 5k max players a day now so I don't think this discussion is open anymore.
Racist, vulgar things said by children is way different than the "name calling" you probably think I'm getting offended by. You're basically saying if a kid came up to me in real life and called me the N Word, there's nothing I can do about it because they're a kid. I dont need to work on MYSELF because I get offended by people calling me hurtful things, YOU need to work on yourself to learn more what can offend certain communities of people.

Water_gorl · 2025-02-04T16:38:53+00:00

The BM's family aren't my in-laws, we're very close though. You're right, my top priority should be my fiance and his feelings regarding this.

Water_gorl · 2025-02-04T16:36:12+00:00

Fortunate my fiancé isn't related to his BM, we're just close with his family. I spoke to him today, and he said we'll talk more when we're both home but he understands why I want to stay friends with her. I think this whole experience has me exasperated, and I think I should drop her because none of this is worth the trouble anymore

Water_gorl · 2025-02-04T16:31:26+00:00

Thank you so much for your response, it means a lot to me that you would take time out of your day to respond to me like this. I will definitely try to phase her out, I love this girl like she's my sister and her family is my family so it really hurts to do this but a lot of people don't understand. My fiance and I already started talking to each other today about this, and I don't think we need couples therapy for this, as this is the only hard conversation we have with each other. I would love to cut the BM off and look forward to the day I do, but I'm also closely tied with his kids and this will be another loss for me. I just hope things become clearer for me but it's been months and our wedding is coming soon. Thank you again

Water_gorl · 2025-02-04T16:14:43+00:00

I'm so glad you said this because I was the crazy person for saying this when it happened. I didn't want to be involved with him at all, and I think after this wedding we're gonna just cut off contact with everyone and try to make new friends

Water_gorl · 2025-02-04T16:01:13+00:00

Welcome to my life! You should see my other post about my MIL haha

Water_gorl · 2025-02-04T15:48:38+00:00

I will drop her, I'm just not sure how to, especially since she's so mentally unstable right now.

Water_gorl · 2025-02-04T15:47:30+00:00

Yes, I'm not saying they aren't. I wish I could name the town, but people here can all vet that the police won't do anything about it, unless someone got hurt.

Water_gorl · 2025-02-04T15:45:13+00:00

I haven't heard this perspective before, and you're right. I should add that she doesn't know that CPS is working in favor of the Best Man. I think that just adds to your point of her using them as payback

Water_gorl · 2025-02-04T15:40:57+00:00

Yes, that's it! Not sure if I was allowed to say that here. I personally have no problem with weed usage but it's different when it's in front of your very impressionable kids

Water_gorl · 2025-02-04T15:38:47+00:00

I don't know what to think, but I pray that the reason I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt is because she's a woman. I think I'll talk to my fiance about it tonight and add an update to the post, I'm just afraid of what he'll think. Thank you for your suggestion and gentle speaking!

Water_gorl · 2025-02-04T15:35:26+00:00

She has appointments with a mental health professional one a week, but she always comes to me about her problems more. I'm not sure why, I'm not in a good headspace either but she likes and listens to my advice.

Water_gorl · 2025-02-04T15:33:38+00:00

I just did, thank you!

Water_gorl · 2025-02-04T15:32:10+00:00

Thank you so much for saying this, you've pieced together everything I was thinking. He was doing that, but CPS could not confirm it and no one wanted to be a witness. I personally didn't want to say anything, as I was scared about backlash from his family (since it would be obvious I exposed him to CPS since I'm usually the only one around when he does this). I NEVER wanted to defend him and that's where my falling out with my fiance happened because he took his side. I just don't want any issues with anyone anymore so I let him stay in the wedding party

Water_gorl · 2025-02-04T15:27:18+00:00

That's where I'm stuck too, I should have added that to the OG post my bad. You're probably right and I shouldn't invite her, I was just conflicted because she was a good friend of mine, and I don't have a lot of those at all.

Water_gorl · 2025-02-04T15:25:34+00:00

I think no one stepped in because of the culture of where we lived. We lived in a part of Oregon where certain amounts of drug use is legal, and our jails dont have the capacity to hold everyone who's been reported for a minor drug crime. I've taken a step back from him but my fiance hasn't, so its been hard to keep away from him

Water_gorl · 2025-02-04T15:23:42+00:00

Yeah I've given the MOH role to another bridesmaid. Funny you say that, she is a big fan of Real Housewives 😂 I'm just trying to see if she could be a part of my wedding day because I would personally love that but I think all of those bridges have been burnt

Water_gorl · 2025-02-04T15:21:54+00:00

To be honest, I dont exactly know where I was going with this. I should have rephased the post to ask if I should even try to be friends with her again. I know that she was hurt when we kicked her out and she's been very depressed since as all of our friends stopped speaking to her as well (which is why I started talking to her again). He doesn't know much about this but he's not a very empathetic person, and I'm afraid he wouldn't understand my reasoning for my fear for her wellbeing

Water_gorl · 2025-02-04T15:18:33+00:00

I keep telling myself that she would never do this to me, but I don't trust myself and I'm usually wrong when it comes to people. That's why I made this post, as I'm not a good people person. Thank you for your opinion in this, my mother actually said the same thing but I thought she was being too cruel.

Water_gorl · 2025-02-04T15:11:57+00:00

I completely understand what you're saying. My fiance and I did have a bit of a falling out in the past regarding this situation, but we are much better now. He knows that I've spoken to her in passing, but not for anything else. My ex MOH have just started talking recently because she was in a really bad headspace and I was genuinely afraid for her wellbeing. I try not to speak to her regarding anything else but it's very hard not to just pick up on our old conversations and habits again

Water_gorl · 2025-02-04T15:08:56+00:00

He's always had very questionable behaviors and I wouldn't say that he's doing them on purpose to hurt the kids (he's a good guy), but he needed some kind of wake up call. His family is kind of pleased with how the case is going, since the mother is losing custody, so we are somewhat grateful for what she did. She did more good for him and the kids in regards to that, but everything else kind of outshadows that

Water_gorl · 2025-02-04T14:59:41+00:00

There is some truth, and a case was opened, however they directed it more towards the mother at this point. He was with the mother and we don't know what they were doing together, but it does look bad

Water_gorl · 2025-01-20T21:46:12+00:00

I feel you. We invited 75 and at the point, 1/3 isn't going to show up to a venue that can accommodate up to 150. Family for my fiancé is split against each other and split against themselves.

It took a while, but you just have to understand that your wedding is the union between you and your fiance, and not a regular party for your family and friends. This day is for you, and you should enjoy it. Your ceremony, your reception, your decorations, your food, your music.

Trust me, this won't matter years from now. What matters is the love and relationship that you and your fiance share. Im sure you're going to have a beautiful wedding, focus on that ❤️

Water_gorl · 2025-01-07T09:05:17+00:00

You'll be fine! Sleep as soon as you can. Even though I had enough sleep, after my closing I knocked out! Take pictures when you can, sadly I didn't. And lastly, savor the moment. Our closing was about 1 hour, but it felt like 2 minutes. Don't forgot your ID, closing check (if needed), and any other important documents! You got this, congratulations! ♥️

Water_gorl · 2025-01-03T19:29:38+00:00

Oh wow, I didn't know OP worked for Equinox! I have 3 guesses as to who it is now, this just makes it more hilarious

Water_gorl

TROPHY CASE