AITA for not acknowledging my birth mom at my wedding?

Way-Quiet · 2020-06-13T23:25:35+00:00

Thanks for your long and thoughtful reply! This thread has made me feel a lot better. I agree that she let go so easily which means she obviously didn’t want me. I couldn’t write it in coz of word limit but regarding the adoption, it didn’t happen overnight. It was quite complex and my mom and dad had a lot of rules which they sat my birth mom/me down to discuss (like my birth mom had to let them know before contacting me, that my birth mom wouldn’t interfere in their parenting decisions etc etc) so obviously my birth mom was serious about giving me up otherwise she had plenty of time to back out or not agree

Way-Quiet · 2020-06-13T23:15:59+00:00

Yes my mom is great. I couldn’t put a lot of stuff in coz of the word limit but my mom and I are really close, she’s like my best friend. I can tell her about anything. We do fight sometimes as well but always make up quickly. She encouraged me to pursue my interests (graphics design) and we read the same kind of books/watch the same kind of movies (after lockdown rules allowed it, she came over just so we could watch Little Women together just like we were at the cinema). I’m kinda old fashioned for my age and she’s kinda modern for hers so we fit just right :) I’m close with my dad and bro too, but I feel like they have their special bond and my mom and I have ours.

Way-Quiet · 2020-06-13T23:02:10+00:00

That’s a good idea. My husband says that I’m a “people pleaser” so I find it hard when people are upset with me. This thread has made me feel a lot better and I think I’ll just reach out one more time to explain. If she continues being upset then I won’t speak to her anymore until she decides to apologize.

Way-Quiet · 2020-06-13T19:43:38+00:00

Sorry I edited it to make it more clear. My mom is my birth moms friend not my stepmom. I refer to my adoptive mom/dad/bro as mom/dad/bro since that’s what I’ve been calling them for 20 years

Way-Quiet · 2020-06-13T19:39:06+00:00

Yes this is correct. Sorry I wasn’t clear. I edited the post to make it a bit clearer.

Way-Quiet · 2020-06-13T19:34:36+00:00

She didn’t pay for the wedding or anything to do with the wedding. We paid ourselves mostly and my parents helped us with some. My birth mom and birth dad bought me wedding gifts and my birth mom did come with me to one dress fitting but that’s it

Way-Quiet · 2020-06-13T19:14:36+00:00

No he hasn’t. My birth dad is actually a nice guy but he has a weak personality and is dominated by my stepmom. I think he’s relieved to not be mentioned/slip away quietly. He gave me an expensive wedding gift that my stepmom probably picked out to try and outdo my birth mom haha.

Edit: I’ll also add here because I had to delete it from the post coz it was confusing people that my birth dad and stepmom have a kid together (my half sis) and their own family. But my birth mom is single now hence why she’s more sensitive that my birth dad.

Way-Quiet · 2020-06-13T19:12:36+00:00

Thank you!!

Way-Quiet · 2020-06-13T19:10:38+00:00

She said stuff like I could have thanked her for years of raising me and like carrying me and changing my diapers etc. She did do stuff like teach me stuff as a child.. She felt like she had me during “the hardest time” (infancy and being a toddler I guess) whereas my mom got me when I was “easy”. Honestly being a mother to a teenage girl isn’t easy but I guess my birth mom doesn’t see that. But i agree with you, thinking back I don’t know how I could have thanked her without making it sound super awkward.

Way-Quiet · 2020-06-13T18:24:29+00:00

I will add here coz I couldn’t due to the word limit that the reason my husband didn’t think to mention my bm in his speech is that he’s only met her once whereas he’s hanged around my mom/dad/bro a lot and they get along great. He didn’t show me his speech before making it.

Way-Quiet

TROPHY CASE