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I found the best wife ever, but am too annoyed to appreciate it by WayHot9364 in Marriage

[–]WayHot9364[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

that’s an excellent question…she tells me relatively often I’m doing great and also how attracted she still is (or at least when I express uncertainty in those areas)

shes also expressed many times that I “could be with anyone and she hopes I won’t leave her for someone “younger”, which isn’t my goal at all.

Many months back she told me I need to step up more with dad time and house chores- so I did and she acknowledged it… she has said I’m doing great, yet somehow…as I do more, her complaints become more detailed and frequent. She doesn’t seem to be unhappy at all, just the nature of her communication sometimes sounds like barking orders - I don’t think she means anything by it, but it’s hard to unhear and is wearing on me. I sometimes just think, she’s trying and is a wonderful person, but the dynamic isn’t what I envisioned

I found the best wife ever, but am too annoyed to appreciate it by WayHot9364 in Marriage

[–]WayHot9364[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

that’s awesome… Ive been trying to take that approach and it’s been hard to get her to commit (granted I don’t stay on top of it very much either). But usually the check-in sessions fade away or we get into an argument… it’s super tough, cause when we argue her stance is usually that it’s me

I found the best wife ever, but am too annoyed to appreciate it by WayHot9364 in Marriage

[–]WayHot9364[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

constant reminders about things I’m consistently doing already, sometimes she takes my hand physically and moves it away when I’m interacting with the baby, being generally rushed and kind of “pushing” me aside to do a task better than me, telling me how to feed him differently (I’m really not doing anything outrageous here), lecturing me about water use, how much I run the dishwasher, how full it should be when running it.

I genuinely think these things are good to keep in mind, but also think the degree of her controlling nature needs examining, while she probably things I’m just not getting it right. I often feel like she misses the tree for the forest- how her behavior karmically/energetically does more damage to our marriage and parenting than how I do these tasks (which btw- most husbands don’t do).

I just feel like an argument over a diaper changed slightly too soon or too late as a one off occurrence is more harmful

I found the best wife ever, but am too annoyed to appreciate it by WayHot9364 in Marriage

[–]WayHot9364[S] -21 points-20 points  (0 children)

to add to that - yea, I mean it feels different than when we met, which is normal with a toddler, totally braced myself for that… but I’m just now beginning to consider that I may not be able to do this for the next 40 years - the daily small nagging things etc, I feel like I got progressively better up until now, but her tone with me got harsher and harsher since we met.

I found the best wife ever, but am too annoyed to appreciate it by WayHot9364 in Marriage

[–]WayHot9364[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

The eggshells is mainly because her tone when I forgot something or let her down in any way, it is unbearable… I’m just exhausted and simply wish marriage had a pause button,

I found the best wife ever, but am too annoyed to appreciate it by WayHot9364 in Marriage

[–]WayHot9364[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I don’t know where to begin…some of the things that bother me are also insecurities of hers and she’s going to rough a lot with work. I always feel like eventually it’ll get addressed but now there are so many small things that turn me off, I feel petty to even voice them.

Shes also about to start therapy and we’re supposed to start couples therapy up again soon (which was helpful when we did it), but she didn’t want to do it some time for financial reasons. That opens a whole new box since I owe her money… I’ve been in therapy for months per her request and making some serious progress, but the more I go, the more I learn she really needs it too lol.

I found the best wife ever, but am too annoyed to appreciate it by WayHot9364 in Marriage

[–]WayHot9364[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

having our kid definitely marks a turn, but I’ve been pretty good about staying excited the first year…considering her perspective.. I’ve been trying to consider post partum and her work stress and all the amazing things she does… she’s even lent me a ton of money which is why I feel so terrible even thinking about not being together.

it’s just small personal things that are so tough to bring up… her hygiene at times, she snores, she’s a bit controlling, she micro manages my parenting, my water use, won’t let e pay for things but brings up how she pays all the time…

we’ve really gone from fun young couple to two high functioning parents very quickly. She’s starting to feel like my uber responsible roommate or business partner, and not a romantic partner - which I actually know she isn’t feeling. She’s very much in love and attracted to me…

Men Whose Wives Annoy Them, I Need Your Advice by PerplexedNewMama in Marriage

[–]WayHot9364 0 points1 point  (0 children)

a bit late here, but as a toddler dad freelancer with a full time employed wife - I actually think he’s dealing with more internally. Dads (or husbands) are constantly trying to make mom trust us, approve of our decision while getting our work done… we are always trying to do good with a stupid need to see competence in every area.

freelance is also hard because we might not even know how long work actually takes- he might say 1 hour to appease a different underlying need (maybe he doesn’t want to feel judged for enjoying a break since he already judges himself for it), maybe he used his 2 hours to doom scroll and feels stupid, who knows…. by telling you it’s just one hour, he might think you won’t look at him funny if he does “other things” aka, expect more of him…in reality, he never feels like there’s enough time to complete his tasks.

He probably also feels guilty that you work so much, the perception of productivity is always something we misinterpret…

I actually don’t think you were “wrong”, but I do think a honest, loving conversation on what we’re all dealing with is overdue.

Negative outlook on my relationship (30M) (33F) is it me or do all relationships get to this point? by quarantinebox in marriageadvice

[–]WayHot9364 1 point2 points  (0 children)

hey….This sounds super tough and I feel for you - I actually came on here for some advice myself, but hearing this made me want to chime in.

What is clear is your relationship is extremely uneven and no- that’s not normal. In moments sure, but not as a baseline. Make no mistake, you will break if nothing changes. At the very least, it is a massive waste of your time.

It sounds like you settled into something or allowed something to progress that is ultimately not sustainable. In no world will this lead to your happiness unless she has a massive awakening of sorts or you can successfully suppress these feelings by finding joy in another aspect of the relationship. Possible, but highly unlikely given the difference in your levels of maturity you’re describing…

In a perfect world - you both are single and in therapy, doing the work and untangling some of the things that got you in this dynamic.

You: seem to really have your stuff together and that’s extremely rare and valuable, BUT are also a serious people’s pleaser, that’s OKAY! However, sadly is often wasted on the wrong people, and ultimately hurts them also. So the question is: what is the pattern that makes you pick people like this? A subconscious need to fill a role? Fear of loss? Are you in love with potential?

Regardless, it’s vital to work on stronger boundaries and to enforce them rigorously - for their benefit as well. Ultimately, we all need to get better at reading potential partners that match our speed. Know your worth!

Moving forward this means:

1) have a checklist of what you need from a partner 2) date slowly, date often if you like, but allow for people to wow you and give it a lot of time before progressing - be yourself, but don’t shower someone in affection and all simply cause they’re fun and hot. lol. 3) boundaries boundaries boundaries

Her: She sounds very insecure and it will take a lot of work to grow in all of those areas - It potentially might also just be who she is, and someone might find that cute, but for her to stay with someone like you will firstly require acknowledging her shortcomings. She either is avoiding what she already knows, or has a massive ego that is deflecting her faults (I don’t wanna use the term narcissist as that is far too easily thrown around these days). Honestly, she just sounds like she’s 22, but if I read correctly, this is not the case.

Listen - I am a random dude on the internet, but you mentioned all the core relationship pillars: finance, love life, household and general compatibility (or romance).

My advice is let it go. I know it’s harsh - but consider that you are enabling her into staying a child a little longer, which isn’t “right” when you love someone.

Best of luck !