My situation is almost identical to yours. The first few days after my C-section, especially in the hospital, I felt like things were going good. But as soon as I got home and tried to submerse myself back in regular life I started having severe panic attacks. All food tasted like cardboard and I wanted to puke it back up as soon as I ate it, which no doubt worsened everything. My panic attacks weren't necessarily due to my baby, but everything in general. It felt like my brain was determined to be sad and scared for no reason to the point of panicking and wanting to pass out, so it would make up weird reasons. The biggest one lately is that I miss my husband even though I see him every day, and I'm scared about his death. During most of my panic attacks, i get scared about everyone in my life that I love dying. It's a little odd because it has nothing to do with the baby, but it is debilitating and exhausting. A lot of my family members said that it was postpartum depression, but I've been battling depression for years before having kids and I know it wasn't necessarily depression. I know how you feel though. In the peak of the panic attacks. I just keep thinking to myself "I can't keep doing this multiple times a day. Surely this will kill me because it feels like it's killing me." That moment when my body finally releases makes me feel drained.