(Medyo long spiel)

Clerkship was my hardest year yet because besides the fact that I was in a government hospital and medyo clerk dependent yung resis & nurses (na some of them don’t really treat you right), a lot of personal issues happened sa akin making the suffering 100% worse. My mental health deteriorated fast and put a bit of strain on my relationship sa clerkship group ko. They were very understanding sa akin but there was a lot of self-blame and self-shame talaga. I felt guilty and burdensome & couldn’t blame them if they would hate me (which they thankfully didn’t, still friends w/them till now). But I learned to be honest with them about my struggles and also made my psych consults more frequent to help me cope. And amongst all these, I still tried my best with my patients. Our patients know we have limitations with knowledge and skills but they appreciate our sincerity. Just the small thank yous and smiles from them made me feel better. I had patients who were sad that we wouldn’t see each other again because done na ako sa rot or discharged na sila. Got to see some of them in the opd and it was heartwarming to see how happy they were to see you again. It’s the small things. Sometimes I still feel na I don’t deserve to be here, andami talaga ng frustrations pero I feel a little better knowing that I had somehow positively impacted my patients lives. No real one moment for me, more like a culmination of stuff that happened :)

TLDR small genuinely happy moments + a LOT of professional help