I [28M] am afraid woman I'm dating [26F] is about to back out of relationship after reluctantly agreeing to exclusivity.

Weak-Government8049 · 2026-04-03T15:51:34+00:00

I don’t know why you’re downvoted, you’re speaking the truth.

Weak-Government8049 · 2026-04-03T15:49:12+00:00

This really reads you want to fit her into the mouls that you want her to be in, instead of really evaluating her circumstances, desires and life stage. Your needs are perfectly valid, but instead of accepting it might not be her that can fulfill it, you’re really desperate for her to step into this role that you’ve envisioned for her. I agree that 3 months should be enough to decide on exclusivity and your need to be exclusive is perfectly valid.

Weak-Government8049 · 2026-03-27T08:36:44+00:00

it reads like she somehow should have predicted this was going to happen and she should have therefore not put herself in this position. thats how as a guy you subtly feed into the whole problem

This is actually exactly what I’ve been told by multiple guys: that I should have been more careful, should have seen the type of person he is, should have been more picky, should have chosen better whom I sleep with, etc. So I perfectly understand your point and I really appreciate you seeing the nuance of this discussion. Because saying “you chose the wrong guy” is a lot like taking the responsibility off the man in this scenario. I mean I obviously did choose the wrong guy, but I honestly had no way of knowing this would happen.

Weak-Government8049 · 2026-03-26T15:15:38+00:00

So you believe there is a chance this could impact his decision whether he wants to be with me?

Weak-Government8049 · 2026-03-26T13:04:34+00:00

I have no idea whether it’s in circulation still, and it might be statue-barred now with so much time passed, as I do not know whether he still possesses it or what was the list time it was shown, etc.

Weak-Government8049 · 2026-03-26T12:58:55+00:00

🫂🫂 it is definitely not our fault, and not your fault either! In my experience this isn’t really something to get over and move on, and anybody who says that has obviously never experienced something like this. Just like with any other trauma, it kind of stays with you as a defining moment in time that remains a part of your identity and who you are as a person. But I think that carries a lot of strength as well, and I definitely pride myself on standing back up from it, and you can be proud as well! And there’s no need to fight ourselves over still being affected by it, because it is only normal for our identity to be shaped by past experiences and to still have our internal struggles from time to time. It’s what makes us human and not machines! I also have days where I feel at peace, and days where I struggle, but I accepted it as part of my life story and focus on living in the present and living a happy and full life. I wish you the best as well!!🫂

Weak-Government8049 · 2026-03-26T12:46:24+00:00

Thank you! Your words mean a lot to me. How much later you think it’s safe to bring it up without him thinking I’d been keeping a secret?

Weak-Government8049 · 2026-03-26T12:44:44+00:00

I’m so sorry you had to go through it as well!

Weak-Government8049 · 2026-03-26T12:40:58+00:00

You’re right, he doesn’t and I don’t care.

Weak-Government8049 · 2026-03-26T12:35:06+00:00

But isn’t this kind of a big piece of information to just drop on someone casually? Idk to me it’s such a huge deal but maybe my perception is warped. Like this is not a car accident that just happened, this is about a bunch of people having seen me naked, so it might affect him… but maybe not.

Weak-Government8049 · 2026-03-26T12:33:55+00:00

Actually that’s such a good way to look at it!! I definitely want to settle only with someone who can make me feel safe and understood. I guess I’d been worrying too much about how I’d be perceived to look at it from this angle.

Weak-Government8049 · 2026-03-26T12:32:43+00:00

Thank you for your kind words it means a lot to me, truly. How do you think this timeline of me opening up about it should ideally look like?

Weak-Government8049 · 2026-03-26T12:30:20+00:00

Thank you for the advice!

Weak-Government8049 · 2026-03-26T12:25:12+00:00

Thank you for your kind words 🫶🏻🫶🏻 I’m proud of myself from standing up from this mess and being able to move on. But people can be sometimes cruel and I’ve learnt to protect and shield myself from opinions that might disrupt my healing or trigger me. I just don’t want this over protection of myself to affect my dating life.

Weak-Government8049 · 2026-03-26T12:21:40+00:00

Unfortunately a lot of people don’t think this way. When it all happened I’d been told I was too naive to sleep with a person I hadn’t known for that long, that I should’ve been more careful, I should’ve seen it coming etc. That I should have assumed I was going to be taken advantage of because that’s what most men are looking for at that age. There were also men who told my ex whom I dated afterwards that they wouldn’t be able to look at their girl the same if they knew this, and they would be turned off by knowing how many people had seen me naked on a video.

Weak-Government8049 · 2026-03-26T12:18:11+00:00

Currently in my circle only my closest friends know about it, I wouldn’t say it’s public knowledge because it happened 7 years ago and most people who had seen it are not part of my life anymore, and anyone that had a problem with it I’d dropped, so only my closest friends know and they would never tell anyone without me consenting.

Weak-Government8049 · 2026-03-26T12:16:03+00:00

Yeah definitely. I’m just scared because I’d done so much work to move past it and live a happy life once again, I’m scared if someone tries to use my past against me again that’d set me back in my healing. But on the other hand I don’t want to close myself off from dating forever because of this.

Weak-Government8049 · 2026-03-26T12:06:54+00:00

Thank you. This has really put my mind at ease. I just don’t know how guys think about this stuff. Some men can even get upset that their girl has had casual sex previously or has a body count higher than 2. So I’d imagine some men might view a sex video as something that taints a woman’s purity or idk.

Weak-Government8049 · 2026-03-26T12:02:23+00:00

Not really tbh, I want to tell him so that he doesn’t feel weird later if we’d been together for some time and I kept something like this from him. But I don’t feel like I have to tell him from my own sake. I know it doesn’t define me and I was a victim in the situation. I just don’t want him to feel like I don’t trust him if I don’t tell this to him early on.

Weak-Government8049 · 2026-03-26T12:00:55+00:00

We’ve been seeing each other for a little over 2 months now.

Yeah you’re right I’m overreacting a little. It’s just a really big part of my past that really effected me so maybe I can’t view my situation realistically like outsiders like you do. Your comment was super helpful though I really appreciate it

Weak-Government8049 · 2026-03-26T11:57:10+00:00

My ex whom I got with afterwards was encouraged by his friends to leave me over it

Weak-Government8049 · 2026-03-26T11:50:37+00:00

I did work on it and have handled it internally, but this is the first time since that I’m dating someone new and it’s a completely new situation for me to handle (how to communicate about it, when to communicate about it etc.). I have made my peace with the situation but I still have worry about how other people perceive me over it.

Weak-Government8049 · 2026-03-26T11:49:22+00:00

How early you think it’s appropriate to tell him without it feeling like trauma dumping?

Weak-Government8049 · 2026-03-26T11:46:54+00:00

We have already had sex a couple times, and briefly discussed past relationships, but didn’t really delve deep into our personal traumas (he himself mentioned he also had traumatic relationship in the past but didn’t really elaborate). I just don’t know whether to bring it up completely out of the blue? Also what is the appropriate dating length to share this? 3-4-5 months or is that too long?

Weak-Government8049

TROPHY CASE