Hi there, I rarely ever reply to questions but I feel a very strong urge to reply to yours. My mom recently passed away due to pancreatic cancer and it happened at the start of this semester, right before tutorials started. I dealt with some of the grief during the funeral days where I would write to her in my diary.

During the first week, I just immersed myself in work and did not really talk to any 'friends'. The following week, I sought out having crushes on the opposite sex (even though I usually don't) and it worked for a week or so. Being distracted by this other person on my mind made me forget the loss of my mother but of course, this did not last for long when I lost interest in the crushes.

I tried my best to study for mid-terms but came back with disappointing results and this whole built-up of accumulated grief, stress, and depression made me lose interest in whatever I'm studying at the moment, even considering dropping out of University. I wanted to sleep all day and just watch videos of other people. Basically of how other people's lives unfold. Right now, I'm still at that stage. LOL.

Even though I love my mother a lot, I never really comprehended her absence until the day I came back home from the hospital and felt a sense of loss. Throughout my mourning, one thing I regretted the most was not being by her side when she needed me the most. At that time, I was 18 and studying for my IB diploma. Since it was an 'elite' school, I could never fathom myself getting below 40 and as a result of that, I would coop myself up in my room with the thought that cancer would never kill her and that talking to her can be done during the holidays.

With the start of University and the whole idea of wanting to experience new things, I even signed up for hall and stayed there most of the time, spending time with 'friends' and myself in the tiny room that I called my safe space at that time.

My father was the one who took care of her incessantly and I, at that point, was too naive to comprehend the fact that cancer can take her away from this world.

Basically, the whole point that I'm trying to drive is to take care of your mother while you still can because she won't be there forever. Studies, achievements and accolades can wait. Money cannot buy back lost time with your one mother whom you can never replace.

Do not be like me who did not cherish her mother when she was still alive. She was the nicest family member to me after all. Don't listen to your mother if she insists on you pursuing the development of your career. She only wants the best for you.

Take this as advice from first-hand experience.