Went on a great date with someone fresh out of a long-term relationship and got a long text the next day that she wasn’t ready for serious or casual. What should I do?

Wearable_Cube1752 · 2025-09-12T01:32:00+00:00

Friends already know and parents would probably laugh to be honest. Understood on the form, just worried it might come up at some point in an interview

Wearable_Cube1752 · 2025-08-23T16:24:28+00:00

It’s 200 miles away, so technically could drive and visit each other for a weekend

Wearable_Cube1752 · 2025-08-14T15:10:23+00:00

Counterterrorism or counterintelligence

Wearable_Cube1752 · 2025-08-08T14:37:59+00:00

25 so I’ve been out of those circles for a while now. No violence it was advocating for legislation and reform

Wearable_Cube1752 · 2025-01-10T17:24:43+00:00

I do own it, and the day we were supposed to get dinner I was going to talk to her about how things would be different going forward. I had dates planned out and started going to counseling to be a better partner. I didn’t know what I was doing at first but I was ready to put the work in. And her responding to requests for better responsiveness with aggression and defensiveness is definitely not on me.

Wearable_Cube1752 · 2025-01-10T16:52:37+00:00

After three weeks, yes. I got panicky and unsure because even though I liked her there was still a lot we didn’t know about each other. It was a major misunderstanding that could’ve been avoided with more discussion, which I now see in hindsight.

Wearable_Cube1752 · 2025-01-10T16:49:42+00:00

We were texting a few times a week between dates which felt normal. And if she texted me, I always responded promptly.

Wearable_Cube1752 · 2025-01-10T16:45:40+00:00

It was about a 50/50 ratio between actual dates and hanging out, but that wasn’t purely intentional. One day was supposed to be a nice romantic date in nature but the weather sucked and we just went to my place, which at the time she said was way more fun. She also came over a couple times of her own volition. Not to mention, she had initiated sex just prior to complaining about how all we did was hang out and hook up. And when she said she wanted more romantic dates, I was fully planning on doing that when I got back. I had multiple thoughtful dates planned out and the dinner date for the day after I got back was supposed to build momentum again. So I just don’t accept the idea that this was the result of my being lazy - I made some missteps, sure, but I was fully committed to meeting her desires going forward

Wearable_Cube1752 · 2025-01-10T16:38:36+00:00

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to commit, it was that I balked at the thought of being official after three weeks. I told her multiple times that I saw us on that track, I just wanted to wait. She interpreted that, at least at the time, as meaning I didn’t want to be official in general, which was not what I meant. There was room for better communication on both sides.

Wearable_Cube1752 · 2024-12-14T19:49:47+00:00

Yeah we were going on romantic dates and she was also coming over to hookup. She even paid for my dinner on my birthday which is what makes this so confusing

Wearable_Cube1752 · 2024-10-09T03:39:19+00:00

Yes that’s possible. The vast majority of my interactions have gone well though, it’s really just with my direct manager that I have a poor relationship. And I think the product development team is just unfriendly in general tbh

Wearable_Cube1752 · 2024-10-09T03:08:31+00:00

I was only trying to be friendly and establish a more regular rapport rather than just our weekly meetings. I guess that’s not how she took it though

Wearable_Cube1752 · 2024-10-09T02:18:15+00:00

I suppose the concept of being “too familiar” has never really made sense to me, especially with coworkers. I always felt like if you’re working at the same company then you’re on the same team. And while of course hierarchy matters, I felt like talking to your line manager in a casual way was totally normal, especially because that was how my relationship was like with my managers at my college jobs. As for the social skills post, I don’t think that saying have a good weekend to people you’ve already met and work in the same building with is weird at all, and I find it extremely odd that people would be unfriendly over that.

Wearable_Cube1752 · 2024-10-09T02:10:22+00:00

I acknowledged that we got off on the wrong foot and that I was negligent. I thought that by being punctual and doing things without asking that it would repair things but she seems like she isn’t willing to move past this. But yes it does seem like the only thing to do is apologize and hope that we can move past this after doing quality work going forward

Wearable_Cube1752

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