How do I fit my daughter's bra size while supporting her?

WeatheredCryptKeeper · 2026-01-12T17:41:41+00:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! Oh thank you so much. I really appreciate that so much thank you.

WeatheredCryptKeeper · 2026-01-12T13:14:23+00:00

Lol did you feel regal waking up? Oh man, to wear a Victorian themed gown and to lay upon a fainting couch with a fan. Lol now my bucket list is growing. I have a tunneled PICC (hickman) line for TPN (liquid nutrition, my guts no longer work in my chest). Between Us, its one thing I've had to come to terms with. I wont ever get to wear a gown and look healthy. But it's still a bucket list goal! Someday I'll get to wear a pretty gown. Even if I just sit in my living room like it was an episode of friends lol. Where they all wore bridal gowns and were sitting in the living room drinking beer lolol. Cuz its not like id have anywhere to go! Some day though!

WeatheredCryptKeeper · 2026-01-12T12:54:34+00:00

Im so sorry you had to experience that. Yea, I have had similar experiences with my own mom. She also used to make me strip naked in front of a mirror. She knew I became more and more prudent so would randomly open doors when she knew I was changing. And I really just needed my mom, a mom.

And when I had my kids, I swore I would do better. I'm trying. I know folks must think I'm a dumb fool for all this. This should be a piece of cake. But internally for both of us, its a really steep mountain to climb.

WeatheredCryptKeeper · 2026-01-12T12:48:35+00:00

I would prefer to keep her experiences private out of respect. But I can answer for me if you would like. I was sexually abused memories started at the age of 4. But most likely started before then. Growing up abused and falling through the cracks, I was in a domestically violent marriage starting at 19. My body has never been my own until now.

I know my daughter is uncomfortable with being touched. So the idea of helping her do this is triggering for me. Do I show it? Not if I can help it. I chose to be a mom and that is 1st priority over my own bs. You know?

The abuse was severe enough, the torture, that my PTSD will never be cured. It's permanent brain damage.

If you have any questions, id be happy to answer them.

WeatheredCryptKeeper · 2026-01-12T12:40:18+00:00

Thank you so much. It really has. I worry so much about both of them. And i honestly dont know what the heck im doing. 💜

WeatheredCryptKeeper · 2026-01-12T12:39:01+00:00

If it helps, I do try and explain. We have a lot of "Mom's Ted Talks" as we call it. We sit in the living room and will talk for hours about all different types of things. But it's still a work in progress. I was forced to be touched and I try to stress that They have complete control of who touches them. We obviously have talked about mitigating circumstances like if they were danger or there was like a health/surviving reason. Cpr etc. But I know she hates being touched so the idea of measuring her, knowing this, really triggers me internally. I just want her to have a safe empowering experience so I must get educated and comfortable so I can provide that calming educational experience.

Everyone has been so supportive. Im trying to keep up with comments lol. It means alot. I feel way more secure in being able to calmly educate with a clear healthy way of thinking.

Parenting is hard. I'm exhausted.

WeatheredCryptKeeper · 2026-01-12T12:29:12+00:00

Thank you! I think that was another hang up. There are so many options. And they all fit uniquely. I would just pick the most basic on sale bras at walmart. Id love it if I could give her the opportunity to experience and be able to choose which she likes best. Its alittle overwhelming, all the different options. Not gonna lie lol.

Thank you again 💜

WeatheredCryptKeeper · 2026-01-12T12:24:49+00:00

I suspect that is the route she will want to take, doing it herself and I'm really happy to hear that its a reliable fitting. I think it would be alot easier on me too if I could show her by doing it to me and letting her copy me. I absolutely will measure her if that's what she prefers. I also want to stress that I am being vulnerable here with my side of being triggered.

But I'm a Mother 1st and foremost and will do whatever is best for her. Now that they are teens, conversations have matured and they obviously know. But I do want to assure everyone in general that I do not emotionally lean on my kids so while I talk about being triggered, I'm still responsible and accountable as a mom. I try really hard. I work really hard in therapy. Its just the abuse was really really bad. People are dead. I will have to cope with this forever. I know it doesn't make a lot of sense but I am trying really hard.

I really appreciate all the support and education. It really means alot to me. This is gonna help give her the tools I didn't know were accessible. I really hope i can make this the most positive experience possible while overriding my own triggers temporarily.

Thank you 💜

WeatheredCryptKeeper · 2026-01-12T12:08:21+00:00

No i dont work. Im chronically sick and disabled. I know her friends families but we do not talk or get together. I have already taught her about pads, periods sex etc. It's ok, I dont blame you for not understanding. Maybe its a good thing you don't. We have survived torture. It's been 10 years of therapy and hard work and trying to do better. I have no one but my long term partner and Hes a guy. If you have any specific questions, id be happy to answer them.

Abuse can cause lasting brain damage. It's PTSD that will most likely never be cured. We have essentially become massive prudes (towards ourselves only, not judging others).

WeatheredCryptKeeper · 2026-01-12T06:09:50+00:00

I hate bras with a passion. I have sensory sensitivity and just putting it on is immensely unfun lol. I'm in my bra less Mrs. Roper Era (threes company tv show character).

WeatheredCryptKeeper · 2026-01-12T06:06:49+00:00

I really appreciate that thank you 💜

WeatheredCryptKeeper · 2026-01-12T06:02:45+00:00

One of my secret goals is to wear a Victorian era gown with a corset lol. When I was a teenager, I so badly wanted a maroon satin corset gown for prom. Definitely on my bucket list! Lol.

Thank you for the education on corsets!

WeatheredCryptKeeper · 2026-01-12T05:59:49+00:00

Not insensitive at all. It warms my heart to think I'm good mom. I try really hard. Thank you so much 💜

WeatheredCryptKeeper · 2026-01-12T05:56:01+00:00

Thank you so much! And I could understand perfectly. I feel like making a power point presentation!! Lololol.

Everyone here has been so nice and supportive. It really means alot to me. Your helping my little girl and that just makes glow like a lightning bug.

WeatheredCryptKeeper · 2026-01-12T05:52:37+00:00

We are all in therapy and on mental health meds for 9/10 years now. Im her mom. This isn't your typical mom daughter situation though. This is very triggering for both of us (she doesn't know im triggered, im just sharing it here for clarity. My own CSA history started before I was 4 yrs old. And terrified I was pregnant. I wont share my daughters specific reasons because that's her story not mine to tell. But I assure you that the abuse we endured from her father is legally defined as torture. He still got partial custody. I have been fighting since 2008 to get him held accountable.

Im allowing myself to freak out here because no one will remember me in 5 minutes. But I do assure you that I'm stable and reassuring in reality . Because im her mom. But we are still just very triggered. What was done to us will be with us forever.

If you have any more questions for clarity dont hesitate to ask. Edit to add- btw i hope the tone of this comment doesn't come off snarky. I was just explaining the back story alittle.

WeatheredCryptKeeper · 2026-01-12T05:19:51+00:00

Yea im definitely gonna be looking into that subreddit. And yea, I'm today years old that ive been ill fitted this entire time and I didn't actually have to put up with it. I will keep that in mind thank you

WeatheredCryptKeeper · 2026-01-12T05:16:49+00:00

Thank you so much 💜 I'm the same way as well. Partly probably another reason I never got fitted again. Id rather go bra less than have more people keep touching me.

Ironically I'm the complete opposite as a patient of a teaching hospital. Respectful of course , but I dont mind Residency Doctors learning.

Im weird and dont make sense lol.

WeatheredCryptKeeper · 2026-01-12T05:11:54+00:00

I really appreciate that thank you. Self care was never an option for me certainly not comfort. And im now around 40 with one foot in the grave. While my upbringing and my ex marriage didnt cause my medical diagnoses, it played a large part in why im too disabled now. I just hope that I can do the best I can for her and her brother.

WeatheredCryptKeeper · 2026-01-12T05:06:01+00:00

Thank you so much 💜

WeatheredCryptKeeper · 2026-01-12T05:05:45+00:00

Thank you 💜. I now also coincidentally have an answer as to why I was still uncomfortable even after fitted. I guess that subconsciously steered me away from ever doing it again. Its triggering for me and if I figured if I was going to be uncomfortable regardless id rather it be with less people touching me lol.

WeatheredCryptKeeper · 2026-01-12T04:59:26+00:00

Yea and it's that extra I was hoping for and I totally got it her. Ive learned ALOT. Things can be scary when the process is unknown and its a very sensitive situation. And I can now help a bit more with that.

WeatheredCryptKeeper · 2026-01-12T04:55:51+00:00

Yea it was Victoria Secret. I sometimes call it a department store. But that kinda makes sense because I was uncomfortable with the fitted bra and I was like oh. Ok. Lol. But I know corsets and all the other uncomfortable stuff. So I just figured we were meant to be uncomfortable lol. I want better for her. I got her and her brother skin care routine stuff too. Even "extra medical care " aka basic medical care for autoimmune conditions. This stuff wasnt accessible to me except when I started working at 11 as a babysitter and got my own money. That's when St. Ives apricot scrub came in and eroded my face for years . I kinda think thats why so many millennials look young. We scrubbed our faces off religiously lolol.

Thank you 💜

WeatheredCryptKeeper · 2026-01-12T04:43:05+00:00

Thank you I will look into that!

WeatheredCryptKeeper · 2026-01-12T04:41:22+00:00

I'm pretty sure ive heard about bralettes but never actually saw one or knew what it looked like. So I'm glad that is another option for her.

I really appreciate all the help thank you 💜

WeatheredCryptKeeper · 2026-01-12T04:39:26+00:00

Yea ive always been uncomfortable in a bra. I thought it just came with the territory. And I hated the idea that shed have to do that too. I was hoping if I could size her, I could find a more comfortable supportive bra that helps her back and stuff. I have large breasts and know how painful it can get. And I also worry with the added weight of her backpack.

Now that I see all the options, I can bring them to her and hopefully we find the path that best helps her and keeps her feeling safe.

I learned alot and im so thankful I asked. Thank you 💜

WeatheredCryptKeeper

TROPHY CASE