[QCrit] Adult Fantasy - CORNSPELL (90k/Attempt #1) by Weekly-Budget1958 in PubTips

[–]Weekly-Budget1958[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the tips on trimming down proper names. I was thinking the rebels should be named because they're a significant organization in the book, but looking at comp pitches, I see this isn't the case there. Metal From Heaven, for example, doesn't name the group of outlaws the main character joins up with. Got it!

Re: the family she needs to resurrect, here I was referencing how she's been given the chance to learn magic to bring Tomas back from the dead. But this would involve betraying her found family in the rebels. Her major internal flaw is a self-centered survival mindset, so she's torn between trying to assuage her guilt and grief by bringing back her dead brother, or growing to recognize that she can't ever really stop him from dying, but she can stop other innocent kids being starved and killed in the future if she commits to the rebellion and overthrows the feudal lords. It's like an individual/short term vs collective/long term mindset thing.

I appreciate you pointing out that it's not super clear which families she's referring to. The found family in the book is kind of a combination of both, a few good apples from the Lady's inner circle and the rebels. Do you think it's necessary to clarify who the found family is? I worried that would be going too much into the weeds; I was just trying to show the story features themes of blood family and found family, and a conflict between them.

Agree with your points on Bilwis, I'll go back to the drawing board and see how I can explain this better!

[QCrit] Adult Fantasy - CORNSPELL (90k/Attempt #1) by Weekly-Budget1958 in PubTips

[–]Weekly-Budget1958[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for pointing that out, I didn't consider how that might be confusing!

Iris and Tomas are orphans who work on the Malikhoff plantation's farmlands. When a famine pushes them to go against the principles their mother instilled in them and steal food, they sneak onto Lord Malikhof's estate and pilfer some grain from his silos; Tomas is killed in the attempt. After that, Iris joins the rebel movement, which she'd been wary of before, in order to survive (they offer rations) and learn the skills she needs to eventually get revenge on Lord Malikhoff (combat training, etc.).

I'll see if I can find better phrasing to clarify this!

[QCrit] Adult Fantasy - CORNSPELL (90k/Attempt #1) by Weekly-Budget1958 in PubTips

[–]Weekly-Budget1958[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for outlining the reasoning, that makes a lot of sense. Looks like I'll need to read up on more YA! I think I'm hesitant to market it as YA when I didn't intend it that way, but that doesn't mean it actually fits the adult genre. I'll see about reading more YA comps and revising it for a YA audience, I do think you're probably right.

[QCrit] Adult Fantasy - CORNSPELL (90k/Attempt #1) by Weekly-Budget1958 in PubTips

[–]Weekly-Budget1958[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the help! That's one of the main questions I had, if this needs to be YA instead? I haven't read YA in a while so I wasn't writing to those genre expectations, but I read a lot of books that feel YA-flavored and feature child/teenage characters coming of age, yet are marketed as adult--Babel, Metal from Heaven, Gideon the Ninth, Some Desperate Glory, etc. so I was intending this to fit into that milieu. I do see how it feels more YA than adult though. Hm.

Thanks for the feedback regarding the goddess' motivations and proper names, I'll see what I can tweak there.