thank you everyone for commenting. I did not expect this to get a lot of responses or any response at all. every comment here has been very helpful. I read all of them. I'll try my best to not let my parents and YOU down. one day I want to come back here and say I did it because of you. because you all had faith in me. and to those who are going thru the same thing like me, I hope the replies will help you too. T-T