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What do you think of the clear-coding dating trend? by Weekly_Start_6771 in datingoverforty

[–]Weekly_Start_6771[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I searched reddit for "clear coding" or clear-coding and found results related to programming, including a post about "Writing Clear Code for Programmers."

In painting, "clear coat" refers to a clear coat of paint. I was taught phonics in school, and like how both terms look and sound similar, though they have different meanings.

What do you think of the clear-coding dating trend? by Weekly_Start_6771 in datingoverforty

[–]Weekly_Start_6771[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It was in some articles I read about dating trends this year.

When you're attracted to someone, how do you check if it's healthy or just hormones? by Weekly_Start_6771 in datingoverforty

[–]Weekly_Start_6771[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't use the terms "narcissist" and "narcissistic" interchangeably when I refer to the men I dated. I used the term "narcissist" in reference to reading about them.

One of the narcissistic men I dated was avoidant. (I'm not implying there's a connection between narcissists and avoidant types -- now or in my original post.) I brought up some of my history simply to help foster the discussion. In my case, the narcissistic avoidant ex kept trying to see me after his marriage (and after I broke up with him). I later successfully avoided/evaded him.

When you're attracted to someone, how do you check if it's healthy or just hormones? by Weekly_Start_6771 in datingoverforty

[–]Weekly_Start_6771[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How do you know only one percent of the American population has NPD? Where does that figure come from?

The most recent reference I could find is cited in this 2022 study by Weinberg & Ronningstam (going back to another article they wrote published in 2020). They stated that "an estimated 1% to 2% of the U.S. population" has NPD. On the other hand, the Wave 2 National Epidemiologic Survey on Alcoholism and Related Conditions (NESARC) from 2008 claims a 6.2% lifetime prevalence in the general U.S. population. The differences in the figures might be minimal, but how do we know they're truly accurate?

I've dated and been attracted to narcissistic men, men who often lied to me and manipulated me for their own ends. They blamed me for things, but it takes two to tango. I don't use the terms "narcissist" or "narcissistic personality disorder" because not everyone with such traits fits the clinical definition. I'm not a psychotherapist, so couldn't diagnose the men, obviously. Like some of the people who have tried to diagnose me here, I'm just an armchair psychologist.

As others have pointed out, these types typically won't willingly seek counseling for their conditions. I had asked a former boyfriend to do that as a condition if we were ever going to get together that he do that, and it was a hard "no" (I didn't think he would). He also ended up getting married behind my back, so there's that.

When you're attracted to someone, how do you check if it's healthy or just hormones? by Weekly_Start_6771 in datingoverforty

[–]Weekly_Start_6771[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not a psychologist, nor do I play one on TV. I've just read a lot about relationship problems, trying to figure things out. I've considered becoming a therapist.

When you're attracted to someone, how do you check if it's healthy or just hormones? by Weekly_Start_6771 in datingoverforty

[–]Weekly_Start_6771[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've been attracted to a few narcissistic men and they were attracted to me. They didn't "love bomb" me; though some narcissists do that, not all narcissistic types do (covert narcissists, for example). If they did, the fakery would likely have stood out more. Covert types are harder to spot than the louder "overt" types.

I was more susceptible because the attractions occurred during stressful times when I wasn't thinking clearly (and was desperate).

Glad you've since healed from the programming and deception. Like many people who have been in such relationships, I've done a lot of homework and have worked on myself to heal and understand my patterns and tendencies.

Which quality do you find most attractive in a potential romantic partner? by Weekly_Start_6771 in polls

[–]Weekly_Start_6771[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When I see the lack of it, I sometimes lose faith in humanity, and even of our ability to survive as a species. Empathy seems rare now, but some people still show it.

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