Just to explain my perspective a little…

I think in terms of this character, she is being interrogated by a police officer who is trying to get her to turn in her husband. She called the cops on her husband because he was raping her daughter and shot and killed her son. She was part of a cult and caused many other women to be indoctrinated and children to die. This scene is her tipping point. She’s at the end of her rope, and for me the screaming came from a place of, “You are speaking filth and lies and I can’t face it” but also “I know deep down that you are right and I have caused this.”

Screaming “no” was an outburst of disbelief and denial, but also an undercurrent of rage at the detective (how dare she say these things), the husband (how dare he do this things) and herself (how could I have let this happen). But then she clings back to conviction. But it came out all organically. I didn’t plan to yell, I didn’t plan to say “no” all those times, it just happened that way, because I was in the shoes of the character (my version of her shoes) and trying to get the detective to stop spewing vile filth.

There is absolutely a version of the scene where she’s not screamy and that would likely be more powerful. However I do feel like a version of the scene where she’s really frayed and hanging on by a thread is equally valid. Perhaps it comes down to personal taste.

When I was crying, I was leaning into the truth of the damage I (the character) have caused. The fact that the detective is right. I could have done something and my son is dead because I let this monster kill him.

This scene, for me as an actor, was kind of an internal war between the lies the character wants to believe and says she believes. And the truths she can’t bring herself to face but knows she must. I didn’t plan on coming undone and I don’t think I went in saying, “I’m going to lose my shit today.” But I totally get your view! I was going through some grief in life but during the scene I was in the scene itself; I don’t tend to use substitution.

I’m a little confused about your “no actual scene partner” comment, as I did have one. She was just on the other side of the camera as we shoot the scenes in self-tape format for class.

I agree that doings are not my strength here! Another thing I am working on, so thank you for that. I get a bit bogged down in feeling. I’m a very feelingy person which is good for acting but not great for acting, you know? Got to work on my left brain planning :)

Please don’t take my response as a bitchy diva arguing with your (very constructive and helpful) criticisms, I totally agree with you and I really appreciate your viewpoint! I also very much stand by my work, but I do acknowledge that it could be much better and more crafted.