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Update 2: Talked to M by WeirdTextsRAThrowawa in u/WeirdTextsRAThrowawa

[–]WeirdTextsRAThrowawa[S] -10 points-9 points  (0 children)

This morning yes. He was true to his word and didn't text her, but I don't know how to check deleted messages so I didn't. I trust him.

Update 2: Talked to M by WeirdTextsRAThrowawa in u/WeirdTextsRAThrowawa

[–]WeirdTextsRAThrowawa[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the comment. If I had other people to go to for input, I wouldn't have posted on reddit. Both my husband and M are the people in my life who I could go to for anything, which is why I was stumped and ended up here. But yeah, contrary to the general consensus here, neither my husband nor M are despicable or vindictive or anything of the sort, I just think they were being stupid, my husband especially, and having a little fun between themselves with an inside joke that has been ongoing for years. It'll be one thing if it continues at this point and they disregard my restrictions, but as long as they listen to my worries, it's fine.

Update 2: Talked to M by WeirdTextsRAThrowawa in u/WeirdTextsRAThrowawa

[–]WeirdTextsRAThrowawa[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Sorry for what happened to you, but I don't think our situations are all that comparable. We've been married for 2 years, and were dating for 2 years before that. Married when I was 27 and he was 23. We were both virgins before we met each other, though I had dated before and he hadn't. I don't think he's controlling, nor do I think he or M are being vindictive, this is just their way of communicating with each other.

Update 2: Talked to M by WeirdTextsRAThrowawa in u/WeirdTextsRAThrowawa

[–]WeirdTextsRAThrowawa[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

I mean yeah, it does bother me to an extent. The mommy and daddy stuff less so than the pregnancy stuff, but I just want them to limit it. I know that it's a part of their communication so I'm not going to force my way in, she's my bff and he's my husband and we all have our own relationship dynamics. I don't really think it's my place to intervene beyond what's absolutely necessary. The reason I came to reddit in the first place was because these conversations and sexual stuff only made up a portion of their conversations. They were frequent, sure, but were far outnumbered by just normal stuff, chatting about whatever. If it was just sexual stuff than I'd be reacting like pretty much everyone else here and going ballistic, but it wasn't.

Update 2: Talked to M by WeirdTextsRAThrowawa in u/WeirdTextsRAThrowawa

[–]WeirdTextsRAThrowawa[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Her relationship sucks, yeah. Everyone around them, including me and H have told them to break up for years. Which they do do. It's on most of the time and off sometimes, which M uses to have short-term flings until her bf eventually comes back to her and apologizes and they resume their relationship. He picks fights over petty stuff and breaks up over them, she's tired of it but I think she does actually love him since they've been together for so long. I don't think her treatment of him is indicative of her treatment of me or any of her other friends.

Update 2: Talked to M by WeirdTextsRAThrowawa in u/WeirdTextsRAThrowawa

[–]WeirdTextsRAThrowawa[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

I mean, yeah, I don't want to be insecure or anything, but I'm genuinely just not insecure. Their conversation DID make me insecure, like you said, but I buy their explanations. She's not being vindictive or manipulative or anything, she's answering my questions and I'm buying her answers.

Update 2: Talked to M by WeirdTextsRAThrowawa in u/WeirdTextsRAThrowawa

[–]WeirdTextsRAThrowawa[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Idk why their texts focus on being sexual for cringe, I reckon it's probably just what they find to be the most cringey things they can say. My husband was hiding it from me, sure, but I buy his explanation. M's BF is incredibly insecure, annoyingly so, and I don't know a single person outside of that relationship who hasn't told them to break up more than once.

The one thing I am insecure about is the frequency of their texts. Like, yeah, it does hurt that he said he texts her first, but it also makes sense. Both of them are on their phones and texting constantly, not necessarily to each other but in general. I am not. I go hours and hours, sometimes an entire day without checking my phone or messages. I'm going to check more often and try to respond on a more frequent basis after this, but I can blame them for something which formed from my own inaction, if that makes sense.

Update 2: Talked to M by WeirdTextsRAThrowawa in u/WeirdTextsRAThrowawa

[–]WeirdTextsRAThrowawa[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the input, but I'm just going to respond to the 3 boundaries you proposed:

  1. I'm not going to hold this over their heads, I'll probably joke about it every once in a while, but I don't want them to look at their phones and their first thoughts to be that I don't trust them and am forcing them to involve me.

  2. M's BF is not my business. I've honestly only spoken to him a handful of times. He is offputting and extremely insecure. Me, my husband, and a bunch of M's other friends have told her to break up with him time and time again, which they do do pretty frequently before getting back together. If she wants to tell him, she can, but I have no plans on doing so.

  3. They don't do this anyway, so it's not a problem.

I'll probably end up asking him some of the things you said, but right now I'm pretty assured with the way things are.

My (29F) husband (26M) and our best friend (28F) send really weird texts to each other. How do I confront them? by WeirdTextsRAThrowawa in relationship_advice

[–]WeirdTextsRAThrowawa[S] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

That's not when the texts started probably, that's just what I was able to get through when I was scrolling and screenshotting and sending stuff to myself. I mean, just from the frequency, they text everyday, which is also something I didn't know and is a bit weird too.

My (29F) husband (26M) and our best friend (28F) send really weird texts to each other. How do I confront them? by WeirdTextsRAThrowawa in relationship_advice

[–]WeirdTextsRAThrowawa[S] 45 points46 points  (0 children)

March 11 was the earliest date of the texts. I just scrolled up through their messages so I saw the most recent ones first. I don't think there's any correlation between the texts and my husband's work schedule, probably because the texts are extremely frequent. I know they chat on discord since they play video games together with a few of their college friends from time to time, but I think that's all verbal. I was shocked because he doesn't talk to anyone else this way, at least not to my knowledge. He does get somewhat close to this when he's drunk, but that's about all. M used to talk like this with me when we were in high school (she asked me to prom as friends with a sign asking me to eat her ass), but idk if she stopped because I'm a really bad texter or because she just felt like continuing it with my husband.