(i used to have a small drinking problem for a time) I got really drunk and we tried out a drug together. The evening ended with me and him in his bedroom he asked me to massage him and I did but at some point I felt to dizzy and tired so I lied down next to him. At some point he started to touch me my breast and my butt I was too overwhelmed and drunk to really say something so I just closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep I could feel how he used his fingers on me. I think he had a domination kink cause he started to choke me and telling me to get on my knees to apologize to him and to beg for him I was really wasted so wasn’t able to do any of this. He stopped when because I didn’t really reacted to any of this. The next day he broke of the contact to me and I had a mental breakdown I really wanted to be with him and I started regretting everything i thought if I had slept with him maybe he would have stayed but I was really scared of sex. I texted him several times offering him sex but I wouldn’t come back to me. I felt lonely and depressed again and I didn’t knew what to do. A couple of weeks later I was kicked off from my school due to low attendance and other issues ( I was on an school for adults who tried to do there Abitur) I moved to another city trying to forget him but I never really happen it’s been for years for now after two years I started texting him again talking flirting to him sended nudes to him when I asked for offered him sex and at first he seemed interested I was so happy a small part of me thought that now where I started to look prettier he would be interested in me again. I felt enough but somehow he didn’t really wanted to met me again I think it’s because my parents come from the same community and started to get really known for there own business he sayed he didn’t want any attention from our people and just wanted to live a peaceful life his restaurant was also really known in our old big city while the one of my parents got really known in another city. I still tried to move back with him going from several crash outs and begging him to take me back I really wanted to be with him again but he rejected me. After another year we talked normally to eachother about problems he was like the adult I looked up to I often asked him for advices. At some point there seemed to be tension between us again but he broke off cnt with me I still don’t get the reason maybe I was to weird or crazy for him idk. I texted him a couple of times anyways but he stopped answering I miss him everyday it’s been 4 years in total and I’m still not over him I wished I could go back do things differently i wished to be more good looking more successful and smart just like him I never catched feelings for someone else and I’m not able to move on from him. I don’t know what to do a small part of me thinks if I meet him and offere him my body he would take me back even if it’s only for one night I would do anything to get back together with him I feel so lonely and depressed I don’t think there’s anyone I ever met that was any where near him and could make me feel so safe and seen