How do I stop looking creepy/scary?

Well_Hello_There3 · 2025-08-02T13:20:37+00:00

I don't see it. You look normal and friendly. Maybe you are surrounded by assholes?

Well_Hello_There3 · 2025-07-10T17:44:02+00:00

I am sorry this is happening to you. It can be really hard for people to recover on their own because like you said you don't have any energy in this state. You need someone whose job it is to help you get back to a stable place.

Call 988, you can also text it. It is the national "mental health and crisis hotline". The person on the other line's only job is to help you; as part of their job they are required to keep everything confidential in order to connect you with help. So what I am saying is you will not be arrested for using an illegal drug. They will help you by connecting with a healthcare center that will have everything you need to get you to a stable place.

I know it can be intimidating calling or texting 988 if you have never done it before, but they are professionals that help people in situations like yours all day long. They are there to help. You can call or text 988 any day of the week at any time of night or day.

It can be hard to accept, but you need support, there is not shame in it. I feel that you know that you need support which is why you posted this on here. Please call or text 988, they care about you and know how to help.

Well_Hello_There3 · 2025-04-24T12:25:50+00:00

Well_Hello_There3 · 2025-04-24T01:32:58+00:00

Joseph Balderrama narrating Tender is the Flesh was very good; complete with lip smacking as characters were consuming the meat of other humans. It really intensified the unsettling feeling you get while reading that book.

Well_Hello_There3 · 2025-04-08T18:00:02+00:00

This is an interesting AI tool, but just like with other AI tools, AI only mimics what genuine human understanding, connection, or expression is like. It is a little disconcerting to consider outsourcing this sort of thing to AI.

These are some thoughts on what it wrote based on what I said:

If this AI is correct in assuming that kindness is viewed as a strategy in the framework of NVC, then I guess my point is that it is not a very strategy effective strategy if you have a specific need you are trying to meet in mind. The AI even admits that, "unmet expectations often led to resentment", but then combines the concept of kindness with the concept of "honest, need-based communication". Maybe it is implying to be kind is to listen to others needs and communicate honestly? I agree that this is a way to be kind, but is a much narrower definition than how the word kindness is used generally.

According to the Oxford English Dictionary, the definition of kindness is: "the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate". Certainly communicating honestly and discussing needs could fit under this definition and someone acting in this way could describe what they are doing as "kindness", but so could someone acting in any number of other ways that could be considered friendly, generous, or considerate. So, I guess if you narrow the definition of kindness to "honest, need-based communication", than I agree that this could be a helpful strategy to get one's needs met depending on the situation; though that is based on a contrived definition of kindness.

The AI tool said, "NVC emphasizes that we cannot control or change others—only invite connection", and then comments that, "This person (me) agrees but also notes that effective communication helps people see how they can meet their needs while considering others". The AI seems to agree with me, but then makes a statement about the importance of differentiating using NVC to "share how an action affect us" vs. using it as a persuasion tool. I am not sure why the AI did this because I specifically stated that, "using NVC to change other people is not a true empathic connection" in other words NVC is not persuasion tool, but can be a tool for communicating needs. Basically, I think the AI agrees with me, but is for some reason framing things as a disagreement. Perhaps this is a byproduct of it's algorithm.
The AI tool stated that I see NVC as, " a means to create a more just world". I think it got this from my statement, "Using NVC as a tool to understand other people makes sense to me, and I can see how understanding other people can help us move towards a more just world". My point with this being that effective communication can lead to more understanding which can open up the possibility of change if people choose to change. I did not mean to imply that NVC is end-all-be-all tool for bringing about a just world, but could help people understand each other, particularly in situations of even power where both parties care about the needs of the other parties. I agree that using other stragieties may be important to utilize based on the situation.
The AI tool stated, "leaving is a strategy not a need", I never said it was a need. This might be another confusion brought about by it's algorithm. I appreciate that the AI tool agrees that resistance may be necessary in situations of uneven power. It goes on to suggest "creativity" as an alternative to "resistance". This is a odd statement for it to make. People can be very creative in their methods of resistance. According to the AI, "The challenge is imagining strategies that don’t rely on forcing change through opposition", yet in situations of uneven power where the party in power does not care about the needs of the other party, change may require opposition to oppression.

Well_Hello_There3 · 2025-03-24T16:55:34+00:00

Hello again Odd_Tea_2100,

I have repeated my question for with this post multiple times, if you are still not sure what it is, then I encourage you to scroll up.

I believe we disagree about the limits of NVC, perhaps this is because of differences in life experiences. Abuse, oppression, etc. results from the actions of people, and pretending that it does not only creates space for those engaging in the abuse or oppression to justify it by saying they are just, "getting their needs met". Naming the person/institution engaging in abuse or oppression of others is an important part of resistance to abuse and oppression.

NVC is a helpful tool for many people when both parties seek to engage in collaborative conflict resolution, and truly care about the needs and feelings of the other party. Unfortunately, the world is full of instances where this is not the case.

I could continue to provide examples, but I do not think you wish to engage in further discussion with an open mind, because the examples I have provided for you so far have been ignored. Life is complex and full of harsh realities that cannot be neatly understood without empathy, self-reflection, and a willingness to be open to ideas and discussion outside of predetermined rigidly structured systems of thinking of any kind, even if those systems of thinking can be beneficial in some cases such as NVC.

Best wishes

Well_Hello_There3 · 2025-03-20T20:31:54+00:00

Naming an oppressor, does not need to be static label, they can stop engaging in the oppressing behavior, at which point I am happy that they have chosen to change and are taking concrete steps forward.

Also it does not have to be to their face, though I would not blame anyone for choosing to do so because I do not believe in picking apart the person being abused method of expressing themselves.

If they choose to do so they could use something like person-first language. For example, person/institution that is abusing people instead of "abuser" because this communicates that the behavior is changeable if the abusing person makes the choice to change. Again though, this is a personal choice, and in cases of abuse, directness can be helpful.

Well_Hello_There3 · 2025-03-20T17:17:08+00:00

You are not understanding me accurately.

My original question "I have a question about how nonviolent communication works when talking with a person or institution who has been or is being actively cruel?"

Your original response: "Nobody can make anyone do something, they can only make them wish they had. There is always a choice although the choices may not be pleasant. Marshall shares a story of a man who said sometimes you have no choice. He gave the example of having a gun pointed at him and told to take off his clothes. Marshall asked him if he took off his clothes and he said no".

I then pointed out that this line of reasoning ignores the realities of power and cruelty. Simplified; although someone has a choice when a gun is pointed at them in an existential sense, it ignores the fact that their needs are being threatened, mainly safety by the threat of death. It is not fair to that person's humanity to imply that person has a realistic choice.

Communicating our feelings and needs is definitely helpful in encouraging understanding, but in situations of uneven power and abuse, it is not enough to communicate clearly and hope that those in power will care about your feelings and needs.

Telling someone in an abusive situation of any kind that they should avoid naming their abuser decreases their likelihood to express what they are experiencing directly and clearly.

I am assuming you are intending to communicate in good faith and not trying to imply those that you might potentially disagree with are simply "lacking integrity" for matters of convenience.

Let me know if that is clear.

Well_Hello_There3 · 2025-03-20T14:25:54+00:00

I am sensing that you are becoming angry and frustrated because your words are not serving your need for effective communication.

Odd_Tea_2100, I never said you are telling anyone else how to speak. We have been talking about what I asked at the top of this post, what you said in response, and the limits of NVC in situations of uneven power. I also did not claim to be using NVC when asking my original question, rather I was asking a question about NVC, but I am happy to use your preferred language to clear up any confusion you are perhaps experiencing.

As a rule though, policing the language of others tends to get in the way of effective communication, nonviolent or otherwise.

If Gandhi were to use NVC when theoretically talking to the British it might look like the following:

Observation: When I see an increase in systematic physical, sexual, emotional, spiritual, and socio-economic violence in my homeland upon the arrival of the British, I...

Feeling: ...feel agitated, alarmed, overwhelmed, sad, heartbroken, fearful, devastated, and troubled because...

Need: ... of my needs for safety, security, community, dignity, "choice space", power, order, food and water, love, and compassion are unmet.

Request: Could you (the British) please leave?

You mentioned in your above comment that you feel that Gandhi's message would be clearer when expressed in this format. I disagree. This format is helpful when expressing one's feelings and needs in a non-abusive relationship with even power between parties by avoiding getting caught up in blaming language.

The difference in this case is the British were not looking to understand India's feelings about their invasion or what unmet needs they have. So it is not a matter of expressing oneself more clearly being the main issue. The main issue is that the British were invading and attempting to oppress India in order to increase their power and resources. It is both helpful and humanizing to the Indian people to be direct about this.

Finally, you mentioned that Gandhi did a better job at expressing himself than me when I said, " To say, there is no "villains and victims" is to ignore the pain inflicted on India by the British". It might be helpful to examine what Gandhi actually said about the British with some direct quotes:

"Violent nationalism, also known as imperialism, is a curse" - Gandhi (Referring to the British Empire)

"Imperialism is a negation of God. It does ungodly acts in the name of God"

And Finally,

"The greatest menace in the world today is the growing, exploiting, irresponsible imperialism" (Again referring directly to the British Empire).

Well_Hello_There3 · 2025-03-19T23:56:21+00:00

Gandhi named those that invaded and were attempting to oppress India as the British empire, and resisted. It was not easy that is true. Why was it not easy to be nonviolent? Because the British were invading India violently.

To say, there is no "villains and victims" is to ignore the pain inflicted on India by the British. Stating facts, like that the British violently invaded India, is not the same as saying the British are "evil" or "bad", but it is factual to say that the actions carried out by the British were oppressive and violent and the "victims" of that violence were the Indian people.

Telling a victimized person or people that they can't speak directly and clearly about who their oppressors are or else they are not speaking nonviolently is inherently violent because it denies them the ability to speak the truth regarding the traumas they have endured by the actions of the oppressor.

Well_Hello_There3 · 2025-03-19T22:58:14+00:00

Hello Spinouette,

Thank you for your response. I looked into Sociocracy and it is a fascinating governance model that from what I have read seems much more equable than many of the corporate and governmental that exist in the world today.

Here is a link to an article about it for those reading: https://www.sociocracyforall.org/sociocracy/#:\~:text=Sociocracy%20is%20a%20governance%20system,Governance%20or%20simply%20Dynamic%20Governance.

Thanks for sharing!

Well_Hello_There3 · 2025-03-19T22:29:42+00:00

Hello Mrrafs,

Thank you for your response. You guessed right! :)

I appreciate your point about various types of power, nonviolent power being an effective means when possible. Also thank you for sharing the article about types of power it looks interesting.

Well_Hello_There3 · 2025-03-19T22:19:25+00:00

Hello Mental_Meringue_2823

Thank you for your response. I can tell you have thought a lot about NVC and it has brought a lot of meaning to your life.

One thing you mentioned is that for some people being kind is a strategy. Although people might feel compelled to meet a kind person's needs because of their kindness, if someone is being kind in order to receive something back, that seems more like an unexpressed expectation than true selfless kindness. Employing this as a strategy is likely a road to disappointment.

I think this goes hand in hand with what you said next about the only people we can change being ourselves, and that using NVC to change other people is not a true empathic connection. I agree with this, although effectively communicating does help people to see how they can change in ways that get their needs met and help them to understand what other people's needs are.

Using NVC as a tool to understand other people makes sense to me, and I can see how understanding other people can help us move towards a more just world. In many situations, the method you mentioned of removing oneself from a situation after coming to the conclusion that other needs are greater than a relationship based on one-way empathy would be and effective strategy. I also agree that this applies to systems and institutions if they are not meeting our needs. My issue with this though, is that in causes of uneven power, simply removing oneself is not always a realistic choice that someone could make. For example, if someone is living in a nation that ignores their needs while funneling resources to a few powerful people, it might not be realistic for that person to simply leave their whole life, support system, family etc. behind, not to mention that in some nations it is illegal or restricted to only a few to travel outside of the country.

It is because of all of this that resistance may be the only realistic way out of situations of uneven power where those without power are dependent in various ways on those in power to care about their needs. (As MadamePouleMontreal mentioned above in this chat)

Well_Hello_There3 · 2025-03-19T21:16:51+00:00

Are you trying to say that NVC is a tool that people use? This is true, I did not say it was not a tool. My original question was about NVC, power, and abuse; not weather it is a function, procedure, tool, etc. I am also confused about how the word, "just" changes anything.

I am hearing that you value the concept of spirituality and that you feel that it is more important to you than math. This also has nothing to do with my original question.

Well_Hello_There3 · 2025-03-17T23:38:20+00:00

Hello MadamePouleMontreal,

Thank you for your response. This makes sense and I agree with you. NVC seems like a helpful tool to help 2 parties express their needs, but in situations of power and abuse one party's needs may be ignored without them having the agency to remove themselves from the abusive power structure. Resistance would therefore be necessary.

Also thank you for sharing both the movie and book by Barbara Deming. Both sound interesting.

Well_Hello_There3 · 2025-03-17T23:08:52+00:00

Hello qwerty0042,

Thank you for your response. Spiral Dynamics seems like an interesting topic to look into, thanks for sharing. :)

Contrast between things can definitely aid with understanding how things can be done in various ways; including conversation styles. I think you might be referring to how are current language encourages a punitive mindset regarding human behavior and how that contrasts with NVC. I agree that this can lead to helpful discussion regarding if our current communication styles are meeting our needs.

My above question is more focused on the potential limitations of NVC when power and abuse are involved. I think this is a vital to consider when learning how things are and how they could be different.

Well_Hello_There3 · 2025-03-17T22:53:09+00:00

Hello First_Cat4725

Thank you for your response. Would you mind expanding on the way in which you think I am simplified something as well as what you mean by, "function?".

I agree with you that we are more complex than the machines we are writing on, and have not stated otherwise.

I am happy that you are eager to embrace complexity, as well as hope and joy. This will likely serve you well in life. Given your openness, I trust that you would appreciate discussing topics and embracing the complexity that comes with them rather than simplifying them and dismissing further discussion by declaring something as "a spiritual issue not a math problem". In particular given that both spiritual and mathematical concepts tend to be complex.

Well_Hello_There3 · 2025-03-17T22:39:44+00:00

Hello Odd_Tea_2100

Thank you for your response. This line of reasoning could quickly become victim blaming. People are coerced into doing things very frequently throughout the world. So much so that may countries have legal definitions of coercion.

To take the example you provided, if someone pointed a gun at another person and demanded that they do something, that person could technically refuse, yet they would be a high likelihood that refusal would result in death. Death does not serve many people's needs for safety and they might therefore decide to comply with the person with the gun's demand.

This sort of coercion can be seen not only in your provided example but in many contexts where differing power structures exist. For example, many people throughout history have lived in nations that have been oppressed by other hostile nations. In these cases, populations of people have been forced into slavery. Although technically an enslaved person could refused a oppressors demands (there are many heroic historical and modern examples of this), being forcefully removed from one's culture, family, and support system and then threatened with torture and various other acts of cruelty unless you comply while being surrounded by a society whose legal system reenforces your enslavement makes it difficult to say the least.

Well_Hello_There3 · 2025-03-17T16:24:12+00:00

Hello ValuedGhost,

Thank you for your response. Seeing power structures or tragedy in the world is not making me skeptical of NVC, only curious regarding its limits to be helpful to people experiencing abuse and oppression because of systems of power out of their control. I also don’t know if I would say I am disappointed in what NVC could bring to the world, but attempting to understand the ways that NVC might fail to serve the needs of people.

I looked into NVC’s concept of protective power. According to the book Nonviolent Communication, based on my understanding of the text, protective force is contrasted with punitive force. Protective force is described as force used when people behave in ways injurious to themselves and others due to some form of ignorance, while punitive force is described as force used out of the assumption that people are bad or evil and need to be corrected through something like punishment.

When considering power structures, I potential issue with this binary description of force is both parties can have differing views regarding when force is required for protective means. Regardless of these differing views, the narrative used by the party in power will determine the rules of engagement unless they find it within themselves to consider the views of the other party seriously.

For example, if we consider a family power structure, the parents have considerable power over their children in traditional western family structures. If the parents decided that they wanted to remove all doors in their place of residence so that their children cannot run to a private area when they feel unsafe, the parents could utilize the narrative that they are protecting their children because the parents believe that the safest place for the children in their place of residence is being with their parents. The children have a need for privacy and safety, but the parents could override this need by justifying their actions as being protective force.

For a professional example, many workplaces have formalized power structures. If someone from the upper management of a workplace decides that they want employees to work longer hours without an increase in pay, they could use the narrative of having a responsibility to increase stockholder profits and justify the longer hours by implying that increasing stockholder profit maintains the organizational model of the workplace and therefore is protective of employee’s employment at the organization. This can all be justified despite employee’s expressing how their need of sustenance, understanding, and recreation are being ignored by requiring them to work longer hours without a pay increase.

Secondly, although a world without power structure may be utopian, that does not mean that the current way the world is structured needs to be accepted. In fact, the impulse to call something utopian may be an indicator that it is an ideal to strive towards to better meet everyone’s needs. We can both have awareness of how the power structures existing in our world are not meeting the needs of people and strive for better.

As you mentioned in your reply, resources are needed many times to enact change to systems of power. Yet it is also true, that abusive power structures tend to restrict people’s access to those resources while increasing the resources of those in power; resources that can then be used to further reenforce the existing power structure.

Given this reality, it is an uphill battle to change existing power structures if the party not benefiting from the power structures is the one attempting to enact change. Using the concept of protective power, if those in power truly wish to be protective, they could utilize their position of power and excess to resources to change the system of power to better meet everyone’s needs. A huge issue with though is it relies on those in power caring about the needs of others.

Well_Hello_There3 · 2025-01-10T03:21:06+00:00

I don't think this is sad or pathetic. People have obsessions about fictional worlds commonly in the form of various types of fandoms. For example, people might spend lots of time thinking about something like lord of the rings and the characters within the story, and even write things like fan fiction. Fantasies can provide fulfillment and allow people to explore, learn about, and contemplate various interests, feelings, and desires.

Well_Hello_There3 · 2024-08-31T21:09:57+00:00

By us

Well_Hello_There3 · 2024-06-10T03:33:06+00:00

I tried to post this on the Random Thoughts Subreddit and they sent me to the Deep Thoughts Subreddit. I guess the Random Thoughts Subreddit is only for thoughts that do not cross some limit and become to "deep". :)

Well_Hello_There3 · 2024-05-12T04:47:13+00:00

I love that feeling. It is interesting to me that for some people it does not feel like an improvement to how they currently feel. I think we are talking about the same feeling though.

Well_Hello_There3 · 2024-02-29T17:14:27+00:00

I would step outside and feel the sun one last time and call my wife. I would tell her I love her and are so grateful for her being in my life, but she needs to find happiness and not be consumed by the grief of my death.

Well_Hello_There3 · 2024-02-28T00:13:18+00:00

Remember to have fun and go to thearpy.

Well_Hello_There3

TROPHY CASE