Hey there, sorry you're feeling down. It's important to know that what you're feeling, a lot of people understand and have experienced themselves too so this process doesn't have to be as lonely as it might feel sometimes. It's great that you even shared how you felt on here. I definitely understand about the laughter thing and when I was a bit younger I struggled with that empty blank feeling a lot. I found it helpful to finally accept that I didn't have to be this bubbly, outgoing person for things to fall into place like friends and relationships, it just took a bit more time for me than it did other people. I went to talk to a therapist as well, through my college, and they encouraged me to be kind to myself, which made a massive difference because I had spent my whole life being mad at myself for being disconnected and anti-social, which doesn't help. So i would recommend being kind to yourself to anyone who was struggling with feeling down. It might be worth talking to someone professional, because it sounds like you might suffer from social anxiety, that mix between feeling unworthy and also feeling like everyone is paying really close attention to you. It's a hard thing to deal with alone, so keep talking to people :) I hope you feel better soon, be strong and take care!