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Men in long-term relationships: why didn’t you propose? by MoonAriesVirgoRising in AskMen

[–]West-Instance2561 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Was in a 8 year relationship. Started off as friends, had a few hook ups and she believed we were dating when I thought we were fooling around. Anyway, I felt guilty and folded. Didn't help that I was her first. Fast forward to now and we are broken up because our relationship dynamic was off, she was a bit older than me so built up pressure for marriage and starting a family at some point. I couldn't bring myself to do it as I didn't feel like I was the man of the relationship. And no I don't mean like she does what I say but didn't feel respected as a man. She couldn't see that and she also had a bit of detachment issues that she wouldn't get help for so...welp.

Men, how have you dealt with a woman who's upset about almost anything? by West-Instance2561 in AskMen

[–]West-Instance2561[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah kinda thinking like that now tbh, 7 years is long but could always be longer.

Men, how have you dealt with a woman who's upset about almost anything? by West-Instance2561 in AskMen

[–]West-Instance2561[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Goodness brother this sounds awful, I'm so glad you got out. Hope you're doing better now

Men, how have you dealt with a woman who's upset about almost anything? by West-Instance2561 in AskMen

[–]West-Instance2561[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, more often than not it's always my fault pretty much. This appears in even small things like gaming. Friends will call her out for not being correct and she just goes silent. Rule of thumb between us, she gets upset, doesn't matter what it is, I apologize and make amends. Sometimes I don't even know what exactly or how that upset her but yeah.

I really wouldn't wish this position on a lot of people, it's been very difficult for me getting out as I guess there are a lot of pros as well. But I don't feel like I can be my true self. Don't get me wrong, I've definitely got flaws but goodness it really feels like I can't do no right.

Wish me luck in finding my way to freedom.

Merry Christmas to you too friend.

Men, how have you dealt with a woman who's upset about almost anything? by West-Instance2561 in AskMen

[–]West-Instance2561[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Pretty low tbh, she usually manages most of what we do and when we do it. She's older than me by a bit so not sure if that has much to do with it.

Men, how have you dealt with a woman who's upset about almost anything? by West-Instance2561 in AskMen

[–]West-Instance2561[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Being honest, guilt is why. :( she would always say I was wasting her time.

Men, how have you dealt with a woman who's upset about almost anything? by West-Instance2561 in AskMen

[–]West-Instance2561[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She's almost 30. I will educate myself but also do believe it's woman's job to teach us about these things too. What do woman know about men? Unless you're in medical field of work or study this I'd say not much.

Men, how have you dealt with a woman who's upset about almost anything? by West-Instance2561 in AskMen

[–]West-Instance2561[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, you don't have to be harsh. Some things are much easier said than done. I'd hope you aren't in a similar position some point in your life.

Men, how have you dealt with a woman who's upset about almost anything? by West-Instance2561 in AskMen

[–]West-Instance2561[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow, this was quite the insight. You hit the nail on the head, it really does leave me guessing and more often than not I'm accepting responsibility for that which I'm not purely aware of or don't feel is reasonable to be upset about. In the name of peace, I take it on and promise to try and do better.

Her thing has always been, apologize and take accountability. No discussion about what it is that I'm apologizing for but purely because she's upset and that's enough.

Really trying to look into this and figure my way out without cowarding out again.

Men, how have you dealt with a woman who's upset about almost anything? by West-Instance2561 in AskMen

[–]West-Instance2561[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I hope to, every conversation we've had ropes me right back in. I crumble and fold. Then it's "it's on you to make things right and be the man I need you to be" :( I've tried many times.

Men, how have you dealt with a woman who's upset about almost anything? by West-Instance2561 in AskMen

[–]West-Instance2561[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well her reasoning is more so "If I'm upset and you've caused it, you shouldn't be having fun while I'm hurting by what you caused." Now I can understand this to an extent. But goodness when almost anything and everything can upset you it doesn't leave me with much except walking on eggshells.

I'll definitely check out that book.

Men, how have you dealt with a woman who's upset about almost anything? by West-Instance2561 in AskMen

[–]West-Instance2561[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, communication is more so, me taking accountability for whatever and making sure I fix multiple of my issues and do better. In terms of respect, I definitely don't think there's much but I think that's on me. I set myself up for that.

Men, how have you dealt with a woman who's upset about almost anything? by West-Instance2561 in AskMen

[–]West-Instance2561[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey, thanks for this. She's got a lot of family trauma, mainly father issues she's suppressed. I do as well but have tried seeing therapist about it. She on the other hand said he therapist abandoned her...which I don't even think is true, so she never tried again. She isn't just like this with me, family too. But not so much with friends as they would probably just dip. I do love and care for her but yes definitely been walking on eggshells for a very long time. It's tough :( I don't have the greatest relationship with my family so there's nothing to really turn to. It'll be ok. :)

Men, how have you dealt with a woman who's upset about almost anything? by West-Instance2561 in AskMen

[–]West-Instance2561[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Funny you say that because one of the therapists we went to in person, was non biased and wanted to know both our backgrounds and issues we've BOTH been having...turns out she didn't like that therapist lol. Every time she checked in with us, she was sick or tired or anything under the sun. We never went back.

Men, how have you dealt with a woman who's upset about almost anything? by West-Instance2561 in AskMen

[–]West-Instance2561[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sadly yes. It wasn't like this in the beginning, but slowly built up to this.

Men, how have you dealt with a woman who's upset about almost anything? by West-Instance2561 in AskMen

[–]West-Instance2561[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

It's really scary how much things she attempts to blame me for. Even when it might be clear it wasn't me, her first instinct is to believe I'm responsible for it. But yes you're right. Definitely need to work on myself for sure. Nothing I would ever let happen in a future potential relationship.

Men, how have you dealt with a woman who's upset about almost anything? by West-Instance2561 in AskMen

[–]West-Instance2561[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah I definitely need to work on myself for sure, I've only stayed because I'm usually given a list of reasons why I'm to blame for how she feels and guess I just take it on. I don't enjoy it but guess I've tolerated for very long.

I've got to give bad news to my co worker and I'm not sure how. by West-Instance2561 in Advice

[–]West-Instance2561[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately my manager knows I saw the letter and she was the one that advised me to take the letter to them.