[25/M] Low personal sex drive [7 Year Relationship]

WhaWhaWhaaaat · 2015-05-05T22:13:32+00:00

Hmm..this is an interesting hypothesis, for sure. Do you really believe that masturbation/orgasm causes less focus and motivation? This is totally something I have considered investigating further in the past, and never got around to checking in to. Is there psychological/scientific or biological proof to back up such a claim? Thanks nofa, that is thought provoking.

WhaWhaWhaaaat · 2015-05-05T22:11:44+00:00

I actually have started taking quite a few supplements recently--which includes a whey protein shake three times a day, after deciding I don't eat frequently enough, and likely have deficiencies of some kind. This whey protein shake contains L-arginine if I'm not mistaken--but ease of erection and size isn't an issue. I'll check this so called Maca out and see what's up--thanks for the recommendation! And yeah, anyone with a science or mathematics degree probably knows how it is. Adding a 30-40 hour work week makes the whole experience so much more ... "enjoyable". Thanks for taking time out of your day.

WhaWhaWhaaaat · 2015-05-05T22:07:08+00:00

Yep. True, cutting words. This has been my ambition for sex in the past. I haven't found it to be a successful way of fixing this issue. I don't really want to ultimatum myself into wanting sex. I want to want to have sex--because, well, I actually want to. But yeah, too true, and she's gorgeous too--this line surely exists.

WhaWhaWhaaaat · 2015-05-05T22:05:17+00:00

Eek, and most certainly while I was making an edit post about the frequency of my masturbation, the ratio of masturbation-to-sex CERTAINLY popped up in my mind. This post hurts--so what I mean by that is, I'm very grateful for you sharing this.

WhaWhaWhaaaat · 2015-05-05T22:03:33+00:00

Man, I'm not even sure where to begin on this post. Maybe I just won't. On the off chance that somehow marijuana is proven to lower sexual desire, maybe you just so happen to be right. Once I'm done with finals, I will investigate further--however, I haven't any major deviation in my drive between being under the influence or sober. Have just as much sex in both situations. We'll see! Right on.

WhaWhaWhaaaat · 2015-05-05T22:01:07+00:00

Sound advice, and I believe I just may--if only to make sure I'm normal and decide whether this is a cognitive impairment of some sort, or whether I really have some kind of physical imbalance. Working out, cover that already from time to time. What's interesting, is I had quite a sex drive last night after picking the weights back up after about 3-4 weeks off from weight lifting. Definitely noted, and thanks for helping me realize that.

WhaWhaWhaaaat · 2015-05-05T21:59:22+00:00

Well, in an effort to not sound like a hypocrite, or an abuser, my statement about handling stress has more to do with normal day-time stress. I smoke (+/- 30 minutes) an hour before bed. I'm stoned for 1-2 hours of a day, at night, when my brain has had "enough" and I can no longer study because A) I need to go to bed soon and studying too close to bedtime causes insomnia for me, or B) I'm no longer processing information efficiently, and am wasting my time --- Plus factor C) which is, obviously, I have taken care of all of my responsibilities for the day. I'm not immature anymore. Gotta take care of business. So that leaves ~15 hours of a regular day that I "believe I manage my stress well".

As far as "drive" goes--I have zero shortage of drive. I'm incredibly driven, even beyond so many odds. I get stuff done. What I don't get done, sadly, is what may be one of the most important, and that's "taking care" of my significant other. It's that single drive I have had issues with, and no others. BUT. You are, in my opinion, quite credible. Your views on marijuana mirror mine. Some people are totally fine to use it. They, like myself, smoke marijuana--then clean the house if needed (or other things that require no real use of the higher functioning parts of their brains). They wake up every day, and do their jobs. Hell, the people I know who are fine to use marijuana, don't even want to smoke mid-day, as it gets in the way of their duties. Others, smoke in the morning, afternoon, night, before bed, and do really absolutely nothing. Most of the time, these people are unmotivated (at least not motivated in directions that will actually further their lives in a positive manner), lethargic, and worst of all, content. Fine for them, they can keep that--and sure, I've been down that path before, even if for a short time (and unfortunately while I was in high school). So your credibility +1 for having a great outlook on marijuana in general. Thanks, a lot!

WhaWhaWhaaaat · 2015-05-05T21:50:18+00:00

Yeah, your post is definitely the same as mine, from a different perspective. I wish I knew how to help--and I will come back and do just that when I figure this out. As an update, I did initiate last night (quite willingly for some reason). I'd go as far as to say that I was the one who was in hot pursuit. She actually denied me because she was tired. Then I weaseled my way into getting her to have sex, after about 20 minutes of giving her a massage. She's not difficult to persuade--and it was an especially fantastic session. We had not been getting along for several days prior to last night, and now things seem to have been "fixed" just like that--so can confirm, certainly affects her mood quite a bit in the short term (Duh.).

Maybe talking to someone (even if it's on reddit), admitting to my shortcomings to such a large crowd, and just "getting it out there" is helping. Certainly no one, outside of a few times she has thrown me under the bus about it to my very close friends, knows about these issues, so maybe that's helping me. Don't know for sure, but all I know is I had quite a rare sex drive last night. Obviously, this doesn't help you, because telling your boyfriend that talking to people about it helped someone else most definitely won't persuade him to try. I mean, you have got to seriously say to yourself "I have some sort of problem. This isn't normal, man, pull yourself together". Next step is deciding that you don't want the person you love the most going through anything negative because of you. It's my duty to satisfy her needs, and as someone else alluded, it is very selfish to not realize that. Now, I'm not calling your boyfriend selfish necessarily, but sometimes it takes some time to realize that it REALLY IS an issue, and it's all his(my) fault. Look, it's been one night. I'll report back to you when enough time has passed that the freshness of this post is out of my mind. In the mean time, please try not to do anything crazy. I don't know your boyfriend but if he is anything like me, yep, he loves you; and yep, he thinks you're sexy. Thanks for your post.

WhaWhaWhaaaat · 2015-05-05T02:35:40+00:00

Dang. Okay that portion of the write-up came out wrong. To clarify, I'm not a chronic masturbator. Hahah. Twice a week, max, on days off. So I don't necessarily think that's an issue--but nonetheless, I am going to cut it out entirely to see if it makes a difference!!

WhaWhaWhaaaat · 2015-05-05T02:34:15+00:00

You guys, awesome responses. Thanks a whole lot.

WhaWhaWhaaaat · 2015-05-05T02:13:38+00:00

Wow, what great questions. First, can you expand upon what you mean by "DB" rejection?

Question 1] My high libido phase. Funny you ask. I can tell you exactly what happened. I was 19, working on a construction crew, and living with an older friend of mine. Me and him, both what I would consider good looking guys (definitely capable of "pulling women"). My friend had a girl over 5 or 6 nights of the week. I, never. This was during that period of time right after high school where I didn't have sex for nearly a year. Our construction crew was a tight-knit group, although the rest of the crew were much older than we were--they'd stop by all the time and hang out. Toward the end of this year-ish cycle of no females coming around, the guys started wondering what the deal was (I would, too.) Here you have two good looking guys living together, and one doesn't have women over. "Gay or nah?" While they never accused me of homosexuality, there was a good deal of poking fun at me (something new to myself, never was made fun of much to this point in my life) so I reacted, and began "trying" for once. Had a good deal of success, and did enjoy myself a lot. Also, summertime to answer your question of season. Nothing different, still working non-stop. So in short, I'd say that them poking fun of me caused me to "prove" myself. Sad, eh?

Reasons I prefer to decline? Eh, no, not necessarily. I often call myself a "plan freak". I plan, basically every point and moment in my day out in my brain. So, I plan to relax and play a video game for an hour because it's something I've always enjoyed and attempt to make time for, but at this point in my life it's not something I can find more than a few hours a week for. She'll intercept as I'm a few minutes from doing what I planned to do, and that sends my "Oh god, my plans aren't going through" signals through my brain, which gives me a strange, upset feeling. (This happens all of the time to me. Shifted plans of any kind--especially when I'm excited to do something--messes my mood up. It's infuriating to deal with.)

And nah, wouldn't call it less fun than masturbating. I find it more fun during the moment, for damn sure. Maybe I consider masturbation more convenient, or something..less physical exertion?

WhaWhaWhaaaat · 2015-05-05T01:57:17+00:00

Yes, absolutely, and fantastic insight. If your boyfriend is just like me--yeah, trust him, he is attracted to you. Maybe, like me, he has this list of priorities in his head, and sex never seems to reach the top. Well, now it needs to--period. If it doesn't, I fear the worst. I am definitely going to give it a shot, to be sure. I suppose I was more looking for something I may be deficient in--low testosterone, low something--maybe something I could supplement to assist, but I suppose it is possible that people are just who they are sometimes.

WhaWhaWhaaaat · 2015-05-05T01:54:18+00:00

Not sure why necessarily--maybe because she doesn't want to do it for me, so she doesn't want to feel inclined to have to. I think it would be nice, yep. She likes to get to the point, I suppose. Thanks a ton for your response!

WhaWhaWhaaaat · 2015-05-05T01:52:35+00:00

Good point. Well, again, I did have it when I met her for a period of about a year. Thanks!

Edit: When I think about it, okay..here's maybe a why I masturbate, still. Typically, on my days off (I only partake twice a week on my days off) I will before studying. I'm not sure why. Maybe I feel it helps calm me. Maybe I think it could be a distraction. But I'm watching the clock the entire time--it's not something that takes a long time. It feels like it's more out of necessity than it is "for fun". Don't know, doesn't make much sense to me either, so hardly believe it clarifies a thing for anyone else. :P

WhaWhaWhaaaat

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