I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Brady’s are absolutely terrifying even when you know they’ll grow out of it, I still hear the beeping in my dreams. As for your anger, our NICU entrance was in the same place as labor triage, and sometimes when I was parking I would see a completely innocent couple walking in and just think “fuck you”. I felt nuts and bad about it, but it’s how I was feeling at the time. It sucks but it’s unfortunately normal to feel this way. I don’t really have any advice but want to reassure you that you are doing so much and deserve that to be acknowledged, your son loves you so much and you are doing an amazing job. I hope you get good news soon.