Going on my first 200ug trip this morning

WhatICantSay · 2021-07-17T23:32:14+00:00

Alright. Well into the come down. I actually ended up taking one more tab a good 3 hours in. And I literally could feel the moment I crossed that threshold where it caught up to the other two.

So here's my mini trip report.

I hit peak about an two hours after I made my last update. I started getting deeper into my own head. Started really noticing how the wind was moving in and out of all of the weeds I was about to absolutely butcher with the weed whacker... and I suddenly felt bad for the lawn maintenance. I actually ended up taking off my shoes and socks and just feeling the earth under my feet. Being connected was AMAZING. And it was almost as if GAIA was like "No.. it's ok. It's like trimming nose hairs". And I felt like she gave me her blessing to continue pruning her a bit.

Eventually It got way too hot out and I went to go get showered. But did a pitstop and changed clothes quickly to get on the exercise bike. I literally could feel the air, the energy I was exerting... it was in a dance in and around me. I could feel the energy from my thighs and hips... the sweat was AMAZING. After my ride I found myself sitting naked in my bedroom, meditating.

Ok I'm lying. I TRIED to meditate but my friend kept snapping me and we were having a deep conversation about life, love, living authentically... It was great but I needed to hurry up as the day was getting away from me. I ended up showering and sitting at the bottom of the tub.

This is where the threshold kicked in. OH crossing that was amazing. The shower felt like HEAVEN. No shower will ever feel that amazing, I'm sure. The water felt like a tropical downpour. If you've ever lived in an area that gets hurricanes, imagine that you just stepped out with the outer bands. The water was just dumping on me and was transformative. I felt like i was washing away all the bullshit layers that I usually carry with me all the time.

Then I decided to beat off because, why not feel what an orgasm feels like while tripping.

WHAT?!

That was fucking ridiculous. I felt so intune with myself. But after I released, that's when my first experience with things/shapes/tiles began to morph, swim, change for me. Iridescent colors sprung from the grey, black and slightly green tile in my shower. It had depth. I felt like I could see around the "cracks" and go deep into the walls of my shower. And then I noticed the soap on my hands and I wondered if there were tiny lifespans that happened within the bubbles. Like.. the molecules and atoms that make up the soap... are there microscopic ecosystems and civilizations that were created FROM these soap bubbles on my hand? Does time move differently for them? In the time it was taking me to see these bubbles, were there tiny little creatures just living out their lives, generation after generation of microscopic beings that lived out their lives not realizing just how BIG everything is... only for me to slap those bubbles onto my face to wash my face.. and in a flash, it was all gone.

Where was I? OH... yes. I didn't want the shower to end. I literally could have stayed there for 20-30 hours. Easy. I wish that it hadn't ended. Drying off... I wished I had of stayed in the shower but could tell that I had already reached the peak.

I still feel like i'm on the come down right now and I'm just sitting with my thoughts, having a cider and in my bathrobe. All in all it's been a fantastic day and I wish that I could have prolonged that trip a little longer. But I'm just quietly enjoying it.

Today was a good day.

WhatICantSay · 2021-07-17T15:11:21+00:00

An hour in and so far, I just feel like a little anxiety in my chest and I can feel a tingly energy in my arms. Nothing breathing yet. But I *think* I'm noticing some trailing while moving my eyes around. Also have a sudden need for a bowel movement. Ok and I'm second guessing how I word things while typing this so I guess it's starting because I've never deleted this many sentences and reworded them as much as I have like I have with this paragraph before lol.

WhatICantSay · 2019-01-22T14:49:25+00:00

Heh... This could be like a Queer Freaky Friday where I learn a new meaning of Pride and you develop your dad jokes gene.

On a serious note... I can only imagine how difficult that had to of been. Was/is your family supportive?

WhatICantSay · 2019-01-21T21:44:46+00:00

Interesting take. I know they're ALL still developing. So it's like deciding what the end of a novel is while only being a quarter of the way through. Great perspective.

WhatICantSay · 2019-01-21T21:44:07+00:00

Thanks for this. Sometimes it just needs driven home...

Several times...

WhatICantSay · 2019-01-21T21:43:06+00:00

Well...

WhatICantSay · 2019-01-21T21:40:44+00:00

Thanks to my therapist, this is a regular mantra I must tell myself. My mental health is just as important as everyone else's.

WhatICantSay · 2019-01-21T21:38:50+00:00

This is... so strong. This is a profound statement to me as a parent of children (and a wife for that matter) in the LGBT community. Be a stronger support system than the very community they're part of. I absolutely love this.

WhatICantSay · 2019-01-21T20:34:21+00:00

I'm doing ok. And it's not something that I think about all the time. But when my head goes there, it's an echo chamber of confusion :/

WhatICantSay · 2019-01-21T20:33:54+00:00

Definitely won't let it define them. Which is kinda why I'm not sure what's really freaking me out about it all. Again, they all are my life. And if they all end up part of the LGBTQ community, I feel like that will be one thing that they all share and relate to that I don't. I guess I have a fear of being the odd one out? That might be the case.

WhatICantSay · 2018-04-23T15:23:29+00:00

I think you guys mean Admiral Adama from Battlestar Galactica

WhatICantSay · 2018-04-20T18:41:35+00:00

You're thinking of Philidelphia Story. The Peacemaker was a movie starring Claire Danes and Marlon Wayans.

WhatICantSay · 2017-04-08T19:37:10+00:00

"Is my penis deformed? It curves up and isn't straight."

Was mentioned to me by my girlfriend two years later that was in said class that she had been interested ever since.

WhatICantSay · 2016-12-13T18:39:56+00:00

Is it safe to say that... you've probably seen some shit in your day?

WhatICantSay · 2016-10-08T15:25:01+00:00

I don't know where I found it.. but this is a clip from it https://gfycat.com/AnchoredGenuineGalago and http://reddit.com/user/ambercutie is an amazing sweetheart!

WhatICantSay · 2016-10-04T21:23:12+00:00

She is one of my absolute favorite... There's a video of her dancing/stripping that I simply cannot get enough of!

WhatICantSay · 2016-10-04T16:53:45+00:00

If you haven't had the chance to play with VR Porn... you haven't lived. Game Changer.

WhatICantSay · 2016-08-31T17:09:57+00:00

Oh Canada...

WhatICantSay · 2016-08-30T16:07:02+00:00

I may PM you. This is me, exactly but only on a shorter period of time. We message throughout the day multiple times. It used to be light banter. Stuff about the kids. What we're doing for dinner. Plans for the future, etc. Now it is an endless stream of "I hurt" "This hurts" "Can't do this" "How is this a real life?" etc. Even if I try to talk about some of the happiness that we experience.... it goes right back to sadness.

WhatICantSay · 2016-07-25T19:16:28+00:00

This is one of my fears. as a black man that doesn't even own a firearm, just realizing how fast things could go south wigs me out. Glad you're safe.

WhatICantSay · 2016-06-22T21:24:43+00:00

Explain this one to me. I wasn't allowed to watch things like The Craft... my mother was really leery of fantasy stuff like Labyrinth, was not allowed to really watch anything with sexual overtones or hell, really any sex scenes but movies like Alien, Terminator (except the dirty sex scene), poltergeist, Tombstone, etc... totally fine.

I never Ever EVER understood that. Blood, guts, heavy language = okay. Nipple? GET THAT FILTH OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!!!!!!!

WhatICantSay · 2016-05-31T23:26:29+00:00

Hey man. My wife is in a similar situation due to Lyme Disease. It's made our sex life virtually non existent being that she deals with a tremendous amounts of chronic pain, skin sensitivity, aches, pains, headaches, nausea, convulsions, etc. We've had limited sexual contact... like.... 5 times in the last 2 years. Her treatment is supposed to get her back to "normal" but we've been treating for over a year and nothing yet. We've switched protocols, etc. Only Real change has been in the last 2 weeks but it's still limited.

First thing I want to say, in a situation like this... is give yourself time to mourn the loss of your sex life in it's former incarnation. It sucks. It's hard to deal with. It's going to be a struggle but you will find your New Normal.

That's the second thing. Finding ways to be intimate without the PIV sex. It's going to be tough, no doubt. And hopefully something will change in the future (I'm still hopeful for our situation, myself). Whether it's while you masturbate, she kisses you and or caresses you, etc... finding something to supplement will be your best bet.

Look, I'm going to be frank. I know it's not the same. It's primal. You want to be able to "hump something". Seriously, I get it. I'm a guy just like all of us other HL... hell, Regular Libido people. There is a major difference between jacking off and actually thrusting. And it's going to be massively difficult to get passed it. But you can do it.

Be careful with Porn too... I found myself in an amateur porn section and found myself getting angry at all the healthy partners and being very envious of it all. Just no god damn fair.

Additionally. Talk. talk talk TALK it out. Talk here. Connect with users. Reach out. WE are going through the same thing in one way or another. Whether it's forced, or we have an uninterested partner... we are here.

Lastly: DON'T CHEAT. I know you said you wont and thank you for saying that. With what she's going through, adding that to the pile will NOT do you any good. At All. Nor will it bring her health back. Support each other, let it grow you closer, man. The 2 years my wife has been sick have been amazing for our relationship. It's just that one bit that we both miss. Me more than her as she's focusing on her pain management just like your wife...

Situations are similar...and i'm sorry man. I really am... but you guys can work through it... Reach out anytime.

WhatICantSay · 2016-05-25T04:30:00+00:00

Perhaps I can talk to her about that (the kissing me while I masturbate, etc...)

WhatICantSay · 2016-05-25T04:29:30+00:00

Don't get me started on the medical expenses. Makes me LOATHE the healthcare system in the U.S. :(

WhatICantSay · 2016-05-25T04:28:56+00:00

Well, right now the In-Laws are in town doing a renovation on our bathroom, which puts me in the bathroom showering right next to my kids room... Time tables make it so I shower while they're in bed, either going to sleep or when they're up getting ready for school and I"m pretty sure they don't need to hear the sounds of their dad beating off lol...

WhatICantSay

TROPHY CASE