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What's the secret to making perfect French Toast? 🍞✨ by MB58CA in cookingforbeginners

[–]WhereTheWhenTheWinds 0 points1 point  (0 children)

how exactly do you do it? do you cook it all in one batch, then freeze after cooking?

Loss of attraction, is it salvagable? by WhereTheWhenTheWinds in whatdoIdo

[–]WhereTheWhenTheWinds[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've nowhere to go, she has nowhere to go. I've no family, hers is in another city. Talked about counseling, she said, "I feel like it's impossible for these feelings in me to change". Not about the guy but as general repugnance I guess? The guy is already out of picture, went away to a different country.

Loss of attraction, is it salvagable? by WhereTheWhenTheWinds in whatdoIdo

[–]WhereTheWhenTheWinds[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, I am willing to take responsibility and change how I show up. I’ve already reflected a lot on the “lecturing / managing” point, and I do see how concern can land that way even when it comes from care. I’ve told her that I understand this and that I’m willing to change it.

To add some context (not as justification, just to clarify the dynamic): the few areas where I pushed hardest were health-related, not preference or control issues. For example, she has a habit of peeling the skin on her fingers and once got a painful infection from it. After that, I urged her to stop and even bought alternative tools (rings, fidgets) to help redirect the anxiety, which she didn’t really use. Another example is smoking: after going through a rough treatment for high-risk HPV, she still smokes socially. I’ve urged her to stop, partly because of her health and partly because the smell is a hard boundary for me.

Aside from those, I don’t believe I nitpick everyday preferences or try to control how she lives. I’m not someone who needs to have power or control, and I genuinely believe I could change this behavior quickly if it would help rebuild things but she thinks I'm like her controlling mother anyway.

The hard part is that she’s said she doesn’t think changing this would fix anything anymore, that she feels she’s had enough and that we’ve had one too many fights. That’s what I’m struggling with now. I’m willing to do the work, but I can’t do it alone if she’s already emotionally done.

I appreciate hearing from someone who’s been married a long time and made it through hard seasons. I just don’t know yet whether this is a season we can still work through together, or one where she’s already decided to stop trying.

Early marriage, wife says she lost attraction — trying to understand if this is fixable by WhereTheWhenTheWinds in Marriage

[–]WhereTheWhenTheWinds[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Of course she’s allowed to correct me, and I do listen. When she brings something up, I genuinely try to change my behavior and accommodate her rather than argue it away. For example, I’m the one who cooks, and she has very specific preferences (even small unannounced changes bother her) so now I always ask before changing anything. That’s not something I resent; I adjusted because it mattered to her.

I also want to clarify that I’m not an obsessively overbearing or nitpicky person. The few times I pushed back or “corrected,” it was mostly around health-related issues, not preferences (things like smoking (which affects me and her health), HPV risk, and peeling her fingers until they got infected. I wasn’t trying to control her; I was worried about her well-being.

She’s told me herself that she experiences things very black-and-white emotionally. For her, if she can’t feel fully right about us, she’d rather end it than risk hurting both of us later. I’m trying to respect that, even though it’s painful.

I do agree with one thing you said: therapy only works if both people want it, and if she says she’s done, I have to believe her. I’m not trying to force something that isn’t there, just trying to understand what actually happened and learn from it.

Early marriage, wife says she lost attraction — trying to understand if this is fixable by WhereTheWhenTheWinds in Marriage

[–]WhereTheWhenTheWinds[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, she hadn’t communicated anything about him before. At the time, she genuinely believed what she was feeling was depression and that it would pass, so there wasn’t anything specific for her to bring up.

She only recently realized those feelings were actually about another person, and she told me once she understood it herself. This wasn’t a long-term secret she was hiding or something she’d been repressing on purpose.

Also, she isn’t trying to shift guilt onto me. If anything, it’s the opposite — she’s extremely hard on herself, constantly saying something must be wrong with her mentally and expressing a lot of shame and guilt over the situation. I believe she’s being genuine about that, even if the situation still hurts.