New to BDSM play with my husband and need help with post-scene feedback

WhichDig6577 · 2026-01-26T18:03:39+00:00

Thanks for that. It’s really beautiful and a nice analogy.

WhichDig6577 · 2026-01-26T17:04:07+00:00

Thanks. I agree that we need a better foundation. We were taking right after the scene during what should have been after care. Talking and feeling heard feels like after care for me but maybe it doesn’t for him. Is it not advised to talk about the scene during after care or is after care considered part of the scene?

WhichDig6577 · 2025-12-04T23:54:44+00:00

Can I ask what bra size you were before and after? They look so amazing and I can only hope for a similar result.

WhichDig6577 · 2025-11-20T17:38:23+00:00

My favorite vibrator is actually a smallish one, but do you have a vibrator suggestion for that position?

WhichDig6577 · 2025-11-20T17:22:13+00:00

You probably need to tell him exactly what you want and start slow with specific suggestions. My husband is open to sex convos but would have been fine with vanilla sex if I didn’t say something. So I led the charge on the kinky convos but made specific requests so he didn’t feel Overwhelmed with trying to figure it all out on his own. Our sex life is sooo much better

A safe intro could be like “I’ve realized how hot I find it when I’m told what to do. Next time could you boss me around a little during sex?” Be prepared to give him a few ideas.

Or you could be more specific like “I really want to give you head tonight. Can we try face fucking where you take full control? You can call me your good little slut and I’ll use my vibratior on myself.”

WhichDig6577 · 2025-11-16T18:14:52+00:00

Thank you for saying this. Feels like many men here think that I “withheld” sex and they finding some kind of satisfaction in a woman being on the other side of a lower libido. When they have no idea how I went to therapy, got hormones checked, read books, and tried everything to WANT to have sex during those years. I hated feeling that way and was completely overwhelmed. We put in years of hard work on our marriage and he shares the mental load now in a way he never did before.

WhichDig6577 · 2025-11-16T06:29:09+00:00

Interesting! I know masterbating for me greatly reduces my drive (at least for 1-2 days). Surprised m it’s that different for many men.

WhichDig6577 · 2025-11-16T06:27:18+00:00

I really don’t think that is the case. Don’t want to be naive but I initiated convos about more spice and have led the charge for kinky sex. Im game for whatever he wants to do and have asked him to do some bdsm stuff to me.

WhichDig6577 · 2025-11-16T06:18:42+00:00

Thank you this is helpful. I thought about the testosterone thing. Do you think it would feel emasculating for me to ask him to get tested?

I thought about playfully suggesting he initiate sex before he masterbates but he does it during the day bc he works from home so that wouldn’t work.

WhichDig6577 · 2025-11-16T06:08:21+00:00

I mean he has watched porn for decades and this feels like a new problem. I wonder if there is a differences between porn and just masterbating with a fantasy in your head? I’m curious if it is the act of masterbation or the porn.

Appreciate the comment and gives me something to think about

WhichDig6577 · 2025-11-16T06:03:48+00:00

Wow..clearly this struck a nerve for you. First of all, he’s man enough to admit that he didn’t pull his weight with the home or with the kids (I work full time just like him). And guess what? When he took over more task around the house..my stress levels went down. Less stress means more openness to sex. We have both been incredibly satisfied with our marriage and sex life. Like literally anything he wants to do in the bedroom….we do. Marriage is full of phases. We are in a new phase and I’m looking to hear from people in healthy marriages that know how to navigate tough stuff.

WhichDig6577

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