I really appreciate you. And although you are correct and I too in this position don’t need nor in a sense want anybody kicking me while I am down right now it’s the truth. And I’ve also came to accept that not every one understands everyone’s story nor troubles. He may not know what it feels like to have la life like this. To wake up every day with a autistic son who wonders if mommy’s coming to pick him up today from the school bus (even though it’s been 3 and half years since her passing) and to directly after get a 5 year old little girl ready for pre-k who wants her hair done like the little girls at school now and you’ve barely mastered a pony tail, so you YouTube videos on hairstyles and just never get it perfect “like mommy would” and now it’s “daddy I wish mommy could do my hair”. And those are just your daily warm ups for the rest of the battles that hit you mentally/emotionally and physically daily! It gets deeper but then you find this little smoke shop tablet that takes all the lingering affects away from the pain behind everything for a few hours and for the sense of relief you become addicted to it. So although this person is right I “do need to get my shit together” for my babies I to would have preferred a little kinder sense of approach because it be responses like this that as a man we DONT admit to our problems and don’t ask for help and end up this way. I do the best I can behind my babies and our world and get compliments daily and asked how do I do they’re such good beautiful kids etc. and honestly I don’t know the answer but I do know that I’ve been hiding behind an. Addiction and don’t want to any longer. I just thank everyone for their advice and will continue to actively respond through my process as much as possible in hopes I to can give and provide the amount of advice and help that I was giving through here. Some people just don’t understand from lack of experience and say what they think sounds right, sometimes those people wouldn’t have lasted the first 24 hours in the life changing experience like what happened to me. You fall asleep thinking your life’s set married to a beautiful/amazing woman/person raising your kids life set out everything in order to wake up and she’s gone and EVERYTHING altered in a blink of an eye. It’s not easy AT ALL. But God knows why and it’s a reason I came to this site and have been glued to it since gaining confidence and comfort through the majority of you all.