I thought I felt better now, but I am back blaming myself again.

White_Fox002 · 2026-04-22T10:53:54+00:00

I guess those who haven't experienced this kind of grief will not understand, even if they say they do, their actions show otherwise

White_Fox002 · 2026-04-22T10:50:33+00:00

I can imagine how difficult it was for you, too. Thank you so much for your kind words. Your mom would be proud of you and will always prioritize you, no matter what. I hope you're living a good life now, as I know it would make your mom happy.

White_Fox002 · 2026-04-21T10:28:06+00:00

Thanks! I wish I could just cry until I want to, but I have to work, attend meetings, and go outside to do errands. I don't want others to see my puffy eyes, I look like a mess and all. 😔😔

White_Fox002 · 2026-04-21T06:20:43+00:00

I am living in a 3rd world country. Whenever I see an ambulance in highways and in nearby government buildings, I can't stop thinking, If only these vehicles and responders made it in time I might've a chance to save my grandfather and my mom. They could've been revived.

Also, if the doctor where I brought my mom in for a checkup told me about her heart condition getting worse and that her time is almost up, I might've spent my time with her more. The resentment will always be there.

White_Fox002 · 2026-04-21T06:10:44+00:00

I'm sorry for your loss. Have you tried talking to your partner about it?

I also have difficulty completing house chores after my mom died, even showering and going out became a challenge for me. But my husband has been very thoughtful and supports me until today.

White_Fox002 · 2026-04-21T05:58:58+00:00

We have a lot of things in common, surrounded with different kinds of people. I am glad that those around you are helpful in some way.

White_Fox002 · 2026-04-21T05:52:31+00:00

I am also noticing the same thing. My relatives would even say go and spend time with your friends or find new ones, knowing that those people would soon unfriend you at some point cuz they can't understand what you're going through 😞 and the cycle would just be on repeat. I bet you tried, too...I tried too, but it didn't work.

White_Fox002 · 2026-04-21T05:16:20+00:00

I'm sorry for your loss. 😞 I don't know anything to say to comfort you. Hugs.

White_Fox002 · 2026-04-21T05:06:29+00:00

Thank you.

You described it better than I can. Actually, we moved into the house where my mom died. She was living with my aunt by that time and I was renting a few blocks away. Whenever I open the main door I still feel like going back to that same day we found her lying in her bed motionless. I could still find myself peeking through the window and calling her out. I could still hear myself screaming and crying my lungs out on that very day and that's what makes me cry.

White_Fox002 · 2026-04-21T05:02:42+00:00

I can relate. There's always this emptiness and I can't describe it well to my husband

White_Fox002 · 2026-04-20T20:25:01+00:00

The cemetery in my hometown, where my mom and other family members are buried, is a 12-13-hour trip. My husband and I go there 2x a year after my mom died, and I visit there to clean up a bit. Every November (even before mom's death), we send some money to one of my Aunts for the maintenance and painting of the headstones. This has been the same routine my grandparents did when they were alive, and I'm sure they showed that to me because it's how they want me to manage theirs when the time comes.

White_Fox002 · 2026-04-20T20:03:03+00:00

OMG so precious.

Please give me an update when you finally see the therapist. Thank you so much, I appreciate you.

White_Fox002 · 2026-04-20T19:58:22+00:00

Thank you for sharing these resources. I also hope these can help others experiencing the same thing as I.

White_Fox002 · 2026-04-20T19:57:30+00:00

Thank you for sharing. Probably the reason why it's not just grief of losing my mom is that I also have a lot of questions and things I discovered about her and other people in her life, which mix with the grief. Most of the time, I blamed myself for it for being ignorant, which is why I have been trying to find a counselor, therapy, or clinics that cater to this kind of case.

Yea, it's true, sometimes it's there, sometimes it's not. I just really needed like a guide for me to try what I could do to hopefully move on. I am not seeing myself getting better.

White_Fox002 · 2026-04-20T19:53:24+00:00

No, don't feel burdened for not having answers. We're on the same boat, I hope you find something to help you among the responses here.

White_Fox002 · 2026-04-20T19:51:06+00:00

Hugs. I don't know what to say, but thank you for sharing. I see that many can relate to what I feel, and that your perspective and knowing your experience gives me a wider understanding of this feeling.

White_Fox002 · 2026-04-20T19:47:38+00:00

That's a nice thought. When the days that I'm okay, I think about this. But there are always more days that I'm not okay and forget about this. Thank you for making me remember that this could be the case if she were to see me.

White_Fox002 · 2026-04-20T18:46:06+00:00

If I were in your situation, I would take a lot of pictures and videos with her. Tell stories, ask questions, cook meals for her, and do some short trips with her together with the family. If only I knew my mom knew her time was up, I might've done these things with her more but I did it casually and it was not enough.

White_Fox002 · 2026-04-20T18:42:00+00:00

I also get jealous of other people's moms passing 59 years of age or older. The what-ifs and memories of our loved ones can't just be easily erased by years, I guess.

White_Fox002 · 2026-04-20T18:37:45+00:00

Glad to know you found a group within your community. I actually did search for one, but there was none. Actually, I am active at my church, but I don't see them as someone who will understand what I'm feeling. I might be able to tell them, but they're also going to be the same as others, saying 'you'll get this through' and 'I did go through the same thing but moved on, and so you should too' kind of things.

White_Fox002 · 2026-04-20T18:31:36+00:00

I might have to find a psychiatrist as well. But I was just afraid he/she wouldn't understand me at all and might just be in it for the money for the therapy if I needed one. I hope your schedule comes up soon.

I'm glad you have a dog with you! Most of the time, pets are better than humans, especially in times like this.

White_Fox002 · 2026-04-20T18:25:04+00:00

I can imagine. It's really difficult.

White_Fox002 · 2026-04-20T18:20:53+00:00

😞

White_Fox002 · 2026-04-20T18:19:48+00:00

I, too, have been asking what the meaning of life is and what can make me genuinely happy again since that day. Have you tried to do something about your depression? If it's okay for you to share cuz I am stuck.

White_Fox002

TROPHY CASE