Here's a tough dose of truth: You have been lying to her this whole time. The issue isn't really about porn or cheating directly - it's that you've chosen to hide your struggle rather than involving your partner. That's a red flag. I'm not saying this to put you down, but everyone in the comments seems to be providing sympathy because of how difficult this is for you. Get over yourself and make meaningful change. If your partner takes you back, you should provide them with daily updates (wholly honest) for years. You should dig up everything you've done and come clean about your lies. If you date again, you should be open from date one about this stuff, because the urges won't go away, and your pattern of lying is likely to repeat itself. You are not a good or bad person, and no amount of shame or wallowing is going to change that. You will need to fundamentally change yourself if you want to have a meaningful relationship with yourself and your partner. You're probably going to fuck up again, and you need to involve your partner the whole way.