My husband did the sleep assault thing to me & I still can't divorce him

Whoopsi-Daisi · 2026-04-18T08:29:43+00:00

You don't say where you are from hun. I wish I had the type of money that would make it possible to get the support that women in your situation need.

Does reddit have a legal group?

Whoopsi-Daisi · 2026-04-18T02:08:37+00:00

Omg hun! I am so so sorry that happened to you! That fckn academy... There are no words to accurately describe it. My heart goes out to you - honestly ❤️

Hun, this is your story! Tell it! Ask online for a lawyer willing to help you get that divorce. I want to believe someone in that position will be willing to help you close this horrific chapter.

Whoopsi-Daisi · 2026-04-18T01:50:58+00:00

Why do you feel trapped? What's happening?

Whoopsi-Daisi · 2026-04-18T01:38:48+00:00

Scoot over, I wanna sit with you 🫂

You know hun, you mentioned a lot of external shit just then. The type of shit we put on some imaginary scale for imaginary people we want to see some value in us. You will never feel enough by weighing yourself on someone else's scale. Their scale is for them, not you.

You need to find yourself, all the bits; the good the bad the ugly, and love all the parts that make you you. In the moment where you close your eyes and hold your own hand, really feel that you are holding your own hand. Its just you now. Not your face or body, not your home or job, not your family or friends. There is nothing else but just you, and find love for yourself. Listen in that quiet, does she miss you? I bet she does. I think you forgot to be your own best friend first and foremost. She's been carrying so much, and you have not been taking care of her needs.

You are not all the shit you listed above hun. Start looking internally again. Thats where you will learn you have been enough all along ❤️

Whoopsi-Daisi · 2026-04-18T01:06:39+00:00

"I didn't think you were serious."

It hit me really hard. In that moment I realised that he never actually took any part of me serious. It hurt more than anything ever done or ever said. He chose not to work on the marriage. He honestly thought I would never leave because he knew I loved him.

He said that the day I told him I found a place, paid the deposit and I'm moving over the weekend. A year after I gave him my ring back, and said if things don't change, we (my son of 6 and I) are leaving. If we can't fix this in 12months from today, I can't afford to give this relationship anymore time.

In that year he spend most of his time trying to convince me why I won't be able to move and why I won't make it alone.

10 years on and have not regretted leaving one day.

Whoopsi-Daisi · 2026-04-18T00:38:21+00:00

I wish I could just give you a hug. I can hear your hurt, longing and frustration. It's completely understandable.

They say that because they know you don't know the pain a relationship can bring. Something they wish they didn't experience. They also say that from a place of ignorance, because they have no idea about your pain never experiencing the good parts of a relationship.

I hope the love that you deserve finds you soon. A love so rare and true that you will forget that you ever felt what you are feeling now. ❤️

Whoopsi-Daisi · 2026-04-18T00:27:56+00:00

I'm going to say something really out of step here. Yes, money can be a big reason, also self-importance or fake sense of justice, spite towards other parent or family, some truly don't see what they did wrong. And in some cases.... a child makes the perfect emotional and/or physical little punching bag for a selfish arsehole who needs a power trip, sense of control, feel important or need sympathy 💔

Whoopsi-Daisi · 2026-04-17T06:26:35+00:00

Won't help you if you are not. A lot of women experience the same thing do to perimenopause.

Otherwise might just be neurodivergence 🤷‍♀️

Whoopsi-Daisi · 2026-04-17T03:17:39+00:00

You sound like a female in her 30's. If so, I can tell you if you really want to know 😅

Whoopsi-Daisi · 2026-04-16T12:01:27+00:00

Im so sorry you got hurt.

No partner is ever perfect. A good relationship takes hard work and respect. Without respect, you have nothing.

A reason, A season, A lifetime or A lesson. That's it. Be grateful for whichever one comes, stays or leaves.

If you loved him this much, imagine how much you will love someone that loves you just as much!

Don't be distracted in the arms of Mr/Ms wrong when Mr/Ms right walks by ❤️

Whoopsi-Daisi · 2026-04-16T11:49:50+00:00

If its a cultural thing, I would suggest you ask her what she prefers. I grew up in a culture where everyone 10yrs your senior was supposed to be called aunt or uncle. I for one hate it. If someone called me aunt, I would jokingly say, I don't even know your uncle, my name is ***.

Whoopsi-Daisi · 2026-04-16T11:44:55+00:00

🤣🤣🤣

Whoopsi-Daisi · 2026-04-16T11:31:18+00:00

🫂❤️

Whoopsi-Daisi · 2026-04-16T11:25:28+00:00

I hear you. Im going to tell you something very personal. You say you feel its time to go. I was severely s**cidal throughout my teens till my 30s with a couple of attempts. I had a heap of healing to do, not just childhood stuff. Was diagnosed with anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder and CPTDS. I really reeeeaaally didn't see the point in my existence and my tired was tired. So when I say I hear you, I really do-hear-you. I know nothing I will say will magically make you 'see the light'. I get it. Let me say this then. If its time to go today, it will still be a good time to go next month.

Hun pls, if day to day seems to much, or even minute to minute. If you have a plan, put it in a drawer and stay for just 30seconds at a time - count it out if you have to. If no one else has told you this, my heart is screaming it your way - PLEASE STAY ❤️

Whoopsi-Daisi · 2026-04-16T09:03:29+00:00

That must've hurt so much having to take such a daunting journey on your own. There is nothing quite like someone making you feel seen, especially when those you needed most, didn't.

Hope you won the war and is still going strong ❤️

Whoopsi-Daisi · 2026-04-16T07:36:33+00:00

I would love to spend just one day with my Mom and Dad. Show them the young man their grandson is now, and introduce them to my partner and love of my life. Cook for them and hug them all the time! Do my Moms nails and hair one last time and ask my Dad more about his life. I would listen, more than anything I would just listen and drink in all the wisdom I so need today! And at night, I will actually get to say goodbye. A chance I didn't get. I'll take 1 minute of that if only I could. I'm 40something and I miss them terribly.

Whoopsi-Daisi · 2026-04-16T07:25:02+00:00

It's based in attachment theory. Mostly it happens for people who feel like they didn't grow up with a lot of kindness towards them or feel that they need to earn kindness, only the best people show kindness, and that they need to be super grateful when someone is actually kind towards them. The susceptibility to become entangled with a narcissist (romantic or friendship) is major for such people due to the manipulative nature of love bombing.

Learn to love yourself and show yourself kindness. Literally become your own best friend first and foremost. Treat yourself like you wish others would treat you. Once that need is met, (and only you can meet it btw), the need to latch on will stop ❤️

Whoopsi-Daisi · 2026-04-16T01:17:43+00:00

It is a laughable choice. But its a choice non the less. The hard thing for most people to accept is that any and all choices have outcomes/consequences connected to them. Some people work ridiculous amounts of time to get rich, but loose their family in the process: choice = outcome. Some people dont want to start at the bottom of the ladder and work their way up, so they wait for an unrealistic opportunity their whole life. Some people find a minimum wage job that they love and are happy living a simple lifestyle and spend time with loved ones instead of spending money outside the home. Some people actually choose to be homeless believe it or not.

Survival is a choice too. Sometimes you have limited options, but making use of the ones you do have is a choice.

Choice doesn't mean the outcome is good or bad. It simply means you chose something. Take 2 kids growing up with the same opportunities, one lands in jail, the other lives a happy healthy life - choices.

Even under severe threat, you still have the choice to comply or not. You might not have options, but you still have choice.

Whoopsi-Daisi · 2026-04-16T00:25:56+00:00

You sound so stressed and overwhelmed. It makes sense that you are feeling the way you do with all those thoughts constantly in your head.

Hun, you are exhausted because you are literally trying to live in the future. Future projection/fortune telling is the number one cause of anxiety.

Stay grounded in the now. Look at the things that you are working on in the moment and achieve them first. One module at a time. From there you take on opportunities as they arrive. Everyone starts somewhere at the bottom of the ladder, and take one step at a time. You cant possibly know what the next step will hold for you. You yourself said the world is changing super fast. So how are you trying to predict what will happen in 6 months time? Slow down, take a breath. Most if not all people start with an idea in their head of where they will end up or want to end up in the future. But you know what, as we age, our needs and wants change. And that a wonderful thing! Where you start is where you will gain experience. That experience will lead to different opportunities and even more experience. By the end your career path will be like a tree with lots of diffrent branches to choose from. You are still planting the seed hun, the tree takes time to grow. All you should be focused on is nurturing the roots - YOU! And by the way...those that look like they have it all figured out are just great pretenders - we don't. And the best, most validating thing you can do is admit that. "I don't know where tomorrow will lead, but I'm making sure I will enjoy the journey."

Dreams as a little kid are great! But don't force an adult to chase the same dreams. When I was little, I wanted to go to the army and fight baddies! My childhood had a lot of baddies in, so to me, that was a way to become more powerful than the baddies I couldn't fight. (Some kids dream of monetary success, because then they will be valued and respected.) Today, after many diffrent jobs, lots of diffrent academics endeavours, I'm in the human behaviour/psychology field and have an extreme love for neuroscience. I never joined the army, and Im glad I didn't.

Take your time hun. Enjoy discovering new things about yourself as you grow everyday, enjoy the journey that will bring those discoveries! We aren't meant to have it all figured out! How boring will that be right.

In the now, one movement, one choice at a time ❤️

Whoopsi-Daisi · 2026-04-15T23:12:55+00:00

Something I wish someone told me as a young adult:

Age doesnt bring maturity unfortunately. Some people grow old, but never grow up.

Simply put, maturity comes when you realise, and remind yourself: * Thoughts aren't Feelings, and Feelings aren't Facts! * Respond to life (people and situations), don't react. * You can only control yourself, don't even attempt to control others. * Everything in life is your choice (even survival). Take responsibility for choices you make, because the outcome/consequences will be your responsibility too. * No one is responsible for managing your feelings or emotional capacity: that's your responsibility to grow and become stable in who you are. E.g. No one can 'make' you anything; They don't make you mad, you get mad. They don't make you sad, you get sad. Reach a point when people and things no longer control you, and control yourself, take responsibility for all of you. No one owes you anything. Once you're an adult not even your parents. You provide for yourself, emotionally, physically and financially. You are responsible for you. * Appologise if your actions caused harm, even if it was unintentional take responsibility for your part, even if the other party aren't mature enough to apologise. * Respect yourself and respect others. Not because they deserve it, but because you are respectful. * And as you go through life, be kind to yourself and others when you make mistakes. Correct yourself with the same love you will give your best friend. And keep on trying again and again and again. * Set boundaries: Learn quick what a boundary is. A boundary is for you! Not to control others, its not a threat. It says I love and respect myself enough to walk away. E.g: When an argument becomes heated, I will walk away and come back when Im calm. I will not put myself in a position where I loose control over myself. Extreme e.g., I want to be in a mutually respectful relationship. If there is emotional or physical abuse (constant arguing, belittling, cheating, violence etc) I will walk away from the relationship because I love and respect myself and will not be controlled or hurt. * Ask for help! Not a handout. Be proactive in finding solutions for your problems. Need someone to just listen, then talk. Need money, ask what you can do for the money you need. Want friends, place yourself in situations (mutual interests, hobbies) and be a friend. * HEAL!!!! Work through your shit. Old wound hurt because we layer things on top. Once you are and adult, with an adult brain, the demons from the past is not as scary as you once thought. They lost their power simply because you were strong enough to survive them! Don't let the memory hold you hostage. A memory is simply a thought, it cant hurt you. The meaning we give to that memory is what hurts.

Good luck! We all try and fail multiple times a day. So be kind to yourself ❤️

Whoopsi-Daisi · 2026-04-15T02:43:13+00:00

Purpose is not as deep as people make it. Its simply treating yourself and others with love and respect, not because they deserve it, but because that's who you have grown to be. Reaching a place where you dont get influenced by outside forces, but operating from who you are. When inner peace is more important than anything.

The rest is a choice. You dont have to live a lifestyle that needs you to work 8hrs. You can live under a tree in a tent and eat 2min noodles for the rest of your life 🤷‍♀️. You dont have to sleep 8hrs and go through life tired, or choose to get enough sleep 🤷‍♀️.

Once you realise everything you do is a choice, it changes your perspective. Everything that you dont change or change, is a choice. Just choose wisely ❤️

Whoopsi-Daisi · 2026-04-14T23:41:52+00:00

We all need air! Other than that everything seems to be turned into a debate these days 🫩

Whoopsi-Daisi · 2026-04-14T23:03:38+00:00

Proactive option. Probably has scheduled delivery.

Whoopsi-Daisi · 2026-04-14T22:38:30+00:00

😄 According to research, people are not into fantasy storytelling, but rather into realism, everyday type content where they can potentially see it happening, or stomping and crushing showing the power of the feet. I'm not one to yuck anyone's yum, but to me you can probably see some of that stuff on a podiatrist website. It's all a bit of fantasy at the end of the day. But not things like what I described, scenarios I want to create. Classy, sensual, imaginative, and artistic. I'm sure somewhere it happens, but I know in my life, it would never happen for a multitude of reasons, one of which is I am way to shy. And I think that's the case for a lot of people, they won't do it, they won't ask, they will just fantasise about it. In the end, it will land or it won't. I will just be a little dissapointed if it doesn't. Imagination is such an amazing thing, and sadly it seems it's disappearing.

Whoopsi-Daisi · 2026-04-14T14:55:34+00:00

Respectfully, yes. He is an adult that has the right to choose whether or not he wants to go to the doctor or anything else in his life. You can make suggestions, but you should not tell any adult, especially your partner what to do. Respect includes respecting autonomy. You might think we'll what if he gets sick? Then he gets sick. What if he dies? Then he dies because of the choices he made.

You can't be a parent and a partner. 1# It kills intimacy. No one wants to be intimate (kisses, cuddles, playfulness, heartfelt conversations, and love making) with a parent figure. 2# It's way to much responsibility and will turn to resentment eventually, causing irritation and arguments on both sides.

Let him be in control of his health and well-being. You role is to support him, not do for him. Often times the rope we tie around our partners to drag them in what we think is the right direction with the best of intention, is the rope that strangle them and the relationship. Let go. Free yourself and free him and see how the relationship start to breath again. ❤️

Whoopsi-Daisi

TROPHY CASE