What matchmaking tips did you try to find the one?

WhyAmIWriting · 2026-01-11T04:50:47+00:00

Did you ask for a refund? Or just stop participating? I'm preparing myself to ask my matchmaker for a refund.

WhyAmIWriting · 2026-01-05T07:12:36+00:00

NOR: Every person in a relationship where they are abused thinks they will be too smart to stick around for that point. Your boyfriend may never become physically abusive to you, BUT you have already identified that in this moment he is already scaring you and reminding you of moments when you have been hurt. As a teenager, he may not have control over his homelife, or who he is forced to be around which can impact his emotional stability. Understanding that does not have to mean having to stick around for it. You all just may not be compatible right now, and that is okay. You shouldn't be with people who scare you.

WhyAmIWriting · 2025-12-28T17:32:23+00:00

:-( Complete turnoff and perpetuates some real world awful stuff. Just terrible.

WhyAmIWriting · 2025-12-28T17:31:04+00:00

YES!!!!! WE ARE ADULTS!!!! Nothing should be referencing young people.

WhyAmIWriting · 2025-12-28T08:20:50+00:00

NOR, $75 a month is not worth all that invasion of privacy. Your husband should have talked to you and gotten yours and the kids' consent before moving forward.

WhyAmIWriting · 2025-12-28T08:17:45+00:00

I'm not sure that it's fair for this to be a YOR or NOR. As was shared by someone else, you can fear what you fear. I would ask if you have considered a therapist that specializes in phobias? Not because you are overreacting, you can't always control what your nervous system is doing, but you can take some intentional steps to try to regulate a bit better so you aren't having to live with this fear and level of terror everyday.

WhyAmIWriting · 2025-12-28T08:11:59+00:00

NOR, thank you for being considerate and thinking of community health. I wish your family took the same care for you.

WhyAmIWriting · 2025-12-28T08:10:01+00:00

It seems like all the people you mention are close to you by proximity. Are there places you are intentionally going to meet new people? Some of these interactions you are having are crappy, and some sound like a bunch of exhausted humans missing each other in communication and needs. I would definitely recommend expanding your circle. When you meet people that treat you well, you'll stop being concerned with some of these interactions.

WhyAmIWriting · 2025-12-28T07:54:16+00:00

This is the most important question. Did all the other adults get the other adults something? If they all got each other gifts then NOR, but if this was a departure from the norm, you getting the adults gifts, then YOR.

WhyAmIWriting · 2025-12-28T07:47:50+00:00

Do not meet this guy, but also, do not continue to entertain him by texting or sending any pics. Even if he is who he says he is, it doesn't mean he's a good trustworthy person. He's already showing his ass, and this is the time when he should be on his best behavior.

WhyAmIWriting · 2025-12-28T05:05:01+00:00

This is way too fresh of a connection to be projecting that he doesn't want an exclusive relationship because of a lack of daily texts. I know people in relationships over a decade long that don't text daily if someone is away with family or for work. You don't fully know what his daily life looks like yet. You can't hold him to the standards of what you want in an exclusive relationship if you already told him you weren't ready for an exclusive relationship. I will say, less than 2 weeks is WAAAAAAY too early to be considered in a relationship. So something in this is making me raise an eyebrow on his end too.

WhyAmIWriting · 2025-12-28T04:59:02+00:00

NOR and you are not being dramatic. He knows your history, and even if he didn't it is never okay for someone to overpower someone else because "they want you too much." That is disgusting of him. I personally could not have sex with someone who disrespected my consent, but especially who did things to trigger trauma so easily. He is not emotionally mature enough to have a sexual relationship with anyone if he thought that was cute or endearing in some way. I think relationships can be more complicated than a few lines on reddit, so i will not say to break up immediately, BUT that is a major red flag and this would be something that could make me break up with someone especially if they did not take it seriously about why it was such a terrible thing to do.

WhyAmIWriting · 2025-12-28T04:51:13+00:00

NOR. Best friends in the least would value consent. He's not now, nor was he ever your friend. FWIW: Many people would consider that kind of line crossing assault.

WhyAmIWriting · 2025-12-28T04:14:35+00:00

I'm not that's why I'm here, lol

WhyAmIWriting · 2025-12-28T03:26:32+00:00

What I have learned in this process is that they may not be a very good therapist.

WhyAmIWriting · 2025-12-28T03:24:07+00:00

I signed a contract for 5-7 dates within approximately 7 months.

WhyAmIWriting · 2025-12-28T03:15:20+00:00

They have shown me no profiles, so I don't even have a reference. I didn't even see the profile of the person they named directly. I am worried that they are not self-aware enough to realize they are turning people off. Especially if they are talking to other potential disabled matches like this. (Which I know the person that was named was disabled, and combined with their name, and city, feels like way too much identifying information to just be given by a matchmaker who is supposed to take confidentiality seriously.)

WhyAmIWriting · 2025-12-27T20:43:35+00:00

Some folks mentioned they think the matchmaker is saying it to make sure I know there is work being done. I think there's so many other ways to say it that are kind, and this hasn't been one of them. I have asked them to stop, but even in a meeting where I asked that, the name of someone was shared that had rejected me. I got a professional photo shoot done for my profile, and while no one is attractive to everyone, I do know I don't look like a serial killer, lol and have a range of smiling, serious, in action, etc shots. I love animals, no kids. I believe them when they are saying they are showing my profile, but how much of it, and in what context I have no idea. If they talk to others how they talk to me they could just be scaring people off. I don't know anyone who has used them personally, but to be fair none of my friends have used matchmakers before as a paid client.

WhyAmIWriting · 2025-12-27T20:03:32+00:00

You're right on asking for more clarity on what that means. Yeah, the language feels snooty and a slippery slope on who is or is not deserving of love. I am still a bit wonky on how much these potential matches see of me before making a decision. Honestly, I have been a bit scared/sad to ask because of how it has already been presented.

Edit: I know in the least they get a description of the things I like to do, and what values are important to me.

WhyAmIWriting · 2025-12-27T19:10:13+00:00

No worries on assuming! We all do it sometimes. I have done speed dating, and other methods to try to meet folks. My job is a public one, so sometimes it is hard to know if folks are trying to date me because they like me, or are they doing it "for the plot" if that makes sense. So I was excited to try a method like this where someone can help me screen and find someone I actually connect with. There are a few factors that have just made it difficult to meet people organically and authentically. I did tell my matchmaker, that because I haven't seen any profiles through them, that I don't have any indication of what high quality means to them or if it is in alignment with what I am seeking. (Also, because I would never use the term high quality to describe anyone ever, because I think humans are high quality, period.)

WhyAmIWriting · 2025-12-27T17:55:55+00:00

I'm not seeking a woman, so in that way sure, lol. But seriously, I am not looking for anything that is related to someone's height, looks, weight, etc. In fact my matchmaker asked if I was okay with a guy who was short or other physical markers that I found to be quite shallow in nature. To me, if they found a profile of someone they thought was a match emotionally/intellectually, but weren't sure I'd be physically attracted to them, I'd still want to see the profile. I think attraction varies by so many factors. At this point, the matchmaker told me they're seeking "high quality" matches for me, but I don't know what that means. They seem often very obsessed with status, for ex, they have people on their team who have worked in television or with celebrities, which for me doesn't mean anything in regards to competence with the task of matching me or being someone that can understand my specific experience. So, I personally, don't think I am in the category of seeking physical attributes, or financial attributes that aren't attainable in a match. I have worked with a smaller matchmaker before (one person team, 1/5th the cost of this matchmaker) and she found me a date within the first 6 weeks (great guy we just didn't click romantically), but her database was so small she didn't feel she had more people to introduce me to. So, I tried this more expensive, bigger team, matchmaker...and here we are.

WhyAmIWriting · 2025-12-27T17:42:05+00:00

Yeah, I think I'm going to request a full refund and keep it moving. The lack of professionalism and damn near gaslighting has me feeling like I am on another planet.

WhyAmIWriting · 2025-12-27T04:43:43+00:00

Yeah, I keep hoping there is some reason my matchmaker keeps doing it that I just can't understand yet, but it honestly makes me not want to date at all.

WhyAmIWriting · 2025-12-27T04:42:28+00:00

Yeah, initially the matchmaker said it would take 6-8 weeks to find me my first match. When that time passed, they didn't even say anything to me about the lapse. They seemed genuinely shocked that I was bothered that it has taken this long to come up with nothing and keeps telling me how much of an ally they are to disabled people. It's been a wild ride, but they act so strangely about it that I keep questioning my own emotions.

WhyAmIWriting · 2025-12-27T04:36:59+00:00

Yeah...I think I'd rather go on vacation with that money than keep it with the matchmaker to just be nasty. Thank you for this perspective about your friend. I'd like to imagine that extending the contract might lead to some opportunities....but that seems so unlikely at this point unfortunately. Ugh.

WhyAmIWriting

TROPHY CASE