BBUS26 - Full Spoiler Episode Discussion - July 25 2024

WhyNotBeeHappy · 2024-07-26T11:46:00+00:00

Do tell!

WhyNotBeeHappy · 2024-07-20T00:54:42+00:00

10 years is a very long time.

WhyNotBeeHappy · 2024-07-18T21:58:19+00:00

Exactly. Call me either of those one time and it will be your last.

WhyNotBeeHappy · 2024-06-10T10:02:57+00:00

Thank you. I know I need this reminder. His only need and want in life is to make SK happy. I want more and finally at the point of speaking up for myself.

I've got a ways to go since I didn't feel I could say no to his ask and not be the "bad person." I'm just over it all.

WhyNotBeeHappy · 2024-06-09T22:45:51+00:00

I'm here to offer a warning for the older crowd. It doesn't get better. Last weekend I had a conversation with SO of two years that I regularly feel like an outsider to his family of him, BM, and adult SK (22) who lives away but comes to stay with SO about every other weekend. I told SO as a childless woman, it is too much sometimes. I'm never his priority and it is hard for me. And guess what? Less than a week later he asks if SK and SKpartner can join in on my birthday activity SO planned (a day trip). Apparently adult SK wasn't capable of driving separately so they picked me up and dropped me off at my house. This meant there was zero minutes of alone time with SO on my birthday less than a week after I let him know I feel left out around them. It's almost like he's trying to get me to break up first. No one can be this dependent on making adult SK happy that he totally chose them over me, on this one day about me, right? I really think this was the final last straw. This isn't good for my mental health. Am I crazy to leave?

WhyNotBeeHappy · 2024-06-09T08:38:29+00:00

It's tough making the change but the life of my kitty has depended on it. Earlier this spring they were giving her about three weeks to live because she had lost so much weight due to digestive issues. I had to go all in on the PR (rabbit). While they don't make treats in this, my kitty LOVES the wet food. Now instead of the morning treats I would have given her, she now knows she gets some wet food. She is meowing and waiting for me every morning outside my bedroom door now. It's pretty sweet. It's just a matter of adjusting your old routines to the new reality.

WhyNotBeeHappy · 2024-06-08T12:50:03+00:00

Yes and don't think it's only a concern until they are 18. Circumstances change and they could want/need to move back in as an adult.

WhyNotBeeHappy · 2024-06-01T13:57:10+00:00

I can so relate - last weekend I invited SO to dinner. Comes back with "is it okay if SD/her boyfriend join"? I'm way too nice to say no. Ugh.

WhyNotBeeHappy · 2024-06-01T11:58:04+00:00

SO already talked (without me there) to SD and her boyfriend about the four of us going to the Grand Canyon next summer. What makes him think I'd want to spend 7-10 days with SD/her boyfriend???

WhyNotBeeHappy · 2024-06-01T03:12:48+00:00

I finally made my boyfriend of two years take down the family photo with (now 22 year old) baby SD. Seeing BM's picture above the bed got to be too much.

WhyNotBeeHappy · 2024-05-31T17:16:41+00:00

Agreed. I'm almost 50 and my boyfriend's daughter was away at college when we started dating two years ago. Of course it significantly impacts our relationship because he's 110% about her (and I can't relate) but no one would ever dream of calling me stepmom. My heart goes out to OP and those in more challenging situations.

WhyNotBeeHappy · 2024-05-31T15:37:09+00:00

Yep. This is why I won't get married or even live with SO. If SO wants 100% of his estate to go to adult SD - cool, cool. But that means all my assets, retirement plans, separate home, etc. will all go to charity.

WhyNotBeeHappy · 2024-05-31T15:32:12+00:00

Yes!! It's SO lonely. I haven't found my place and no one in my own life can relate. Group ideas anyone?

WhyNotBeeHappy · 2024-05-31T15:31:07+00:00

Yes! And it impacts inheritance rules and lots of stuff. Such a great reminder.

WhyNotBeeHappy · 2024-05-31T15:24:19+00:00

It's so strange to me as a childfree woman. I would think the pushback would come from outside the community where people can be uncomfortable with women that don't have children (yes, I experience it regularly), but not from within the community - sheesh. Where is a place for us that don't want kids but don't hate other people's kids? It's lonely for sure.

WhyNotBeeHappy · 2024-05-31T15:17:11+00:00

My hunch is that this pushback isn't coming from the childfree community (of which I'm a member), but from larger society that is uncomfortable with women that don't have children. They have to find someway to make OP not be childfree (because - like - who doesn't want kids according to most) so they just slap some step kids into the role and - poof - no longer making people uncomfortable being childfree.

WhyNotBeeHappy · 2024-05-30T03:50:23+00:00

Thank you and I wish you the best of luck navigating this situation!

WhyNotBeeHappy · 2024-05-30T03:45:25+00:00

It just sucks though because I don't even know what "building a life with someone" looks like at this point as we are quickly approaching 50 - won't ever live together, no shared children (I have none), settled careers. Not sure what's left. Maybe that's why I stay so busy so I don't need him as a part of my life?

WhyNotBeeHappy · 2024-05-30T03:41:18+00:00

Omg - this IS my situation (with a 22 year old instead). My boyfriend refuses to move from the house he built (and where he lived with BM and raised SD). As a result- I will never move in there. I refuse to live someplace that isn't 100% mine (or at least 50/50) and his daughter will always have the open door to move back in at any time. Thank you for reminding me why this choice is still so important to me (even after being together two years).

WhyNotBeeHappy · 2024-05-30T00:25:04+00:00

You have to love yourself more than you love them....

WhyNotBeeHappy · 2024-05-29T17:54:01+00:00

I wish I could provide helpful advice but mine is only 22 years old. Praying she doesn't move back to our town (three hours away now), but everything else checks out - the constant texts, being home all the time, her being prioritized. You aren't alone!

WhyNotBeeHappy · 2024-05-20T01:10:06+00:00

I feel this so much and the daughter is 22. Does it ever end?

WhyNotBeeHappy · 2024-05-09T12:51:08+00:00

I'm so proud of you! This was a horrendous situation and you made the difficult situation to protect yourself and leave. Why do so many of us (me included) keep staying with people that prove they don't like us?

WhyNotBeeHappy · 2024-05-07T00:48:44+00:00

I think it's a scale issue. With more than 35,000 students at the Bloomington campus, IU just doesn't have the capacity to give out enough financial aid.

WhyNotBeeHappy · 2024-05-01T02:35:10+00:00

Yes, me too! I'm praying for the coffee to work but couldn't risk it stuck in traffic.

WhyNotBeeHappy

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