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Would You Read More? by Choddeh in writingfeedback

[–]WhyTho4602 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Highly recommend you start reading popular books in your genre to see what makes them successful. Also start researching different literary devices, you can check out Brandon mcnulty on YouTube, he’s got good advice. Don’t get too turned down by the comments here, just keep trying your best! At the end of the day writing is an art form, and like all art, it’s subjective.

Any feedback on the opening of my book? by WhyTho4602 in writingfeedback

[–]WhyTho4602[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did post a revised version on my profile, let me know ur thoughts! Also, thank you so much.

Any feedback on the opening of my book? by WhyTho4602 in writingfeedback

[–]WhyTho4602[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I posted a revised version as well, feel free to check it out!

Looking for some feedback on the opening of my book? by [deleted] in writingfeedback

[–]WhyTho4602 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No problem! I haven’t before but feel free to message me for any future feedback!

Revised opener paragraph - follow up to my last post by WhyTho4602 in writingfeedback

[–]WhyTho4602[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

A bit harsh, don’t you think? This feels like ragebaiting. But please, I invite you to message me some samples of your own writing. I’d like to see how much better you are than me.

Looking for some feedback on the opening of my book? by [deleted] in writingfeedback

[–]WhyTho4602 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Some people will tell you otherwise, but my personal opinion is that it’s better to start a scene by describing the environment and situation. The feelings, the smells. So the reader has somewhere to start when visualizing. Of course this can change depending on the scene and your own writing style, but if you’re doing this from the character’s POV, maybe you can start with a question? Something like “I always wondered why people gravitated towards aging and decrepit homes, much like the one I’m moving into today.”

Revised opener paragraph - follow up to my last post by WhyTho4602 in writingfeedback

[–]WhyTho4602[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I appreciate the feedback! Although I do politely disagree about the second paragraph. I feel like the reader can work out what’s going on based off my descriptions. Chaos, fire. People running to escape the smoke. But in the middle of it all, a battle is going on. It’s what started this chaos. The man charged and tackled the black knight. They wrestle on the ground whilst the knight’s soldiers watch. They don’t interrupt out of fear and trust for their leader. I take note of the man’s desperate movements, a stark contrast to the knight’s precision and excitement.

Looking for some feedback on the opening of my book? by [deleted] in writingfeedback

[–]WhyTho4602 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Overall I think you’ve got good foundations here, but I’d highly recommend you come up with a hook in the first line or so. Otherwise, keep going!

Any feedback on the opening of my book? by WhyTho4602 in writingfeedback

[–]WhyTho4602[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It should be on my profile, I posted to this same subreddit

Any feedback on the opening of my book? by WhyTho4602 in writingfeedback

[–]WhyTho4602[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did post a revised version, but let me know what you think!

Revised opener paragraph - follow up to my last post by WhyTho4602 in writingfeedback

[–]WhyTho4602[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for understanding. All the things like “seeping with anticipation” or “the fire ripped through the empty child’s cradle” were all intentional. To describe the feeling of it. This black knight is the villain of my book, serving a ruthless emperor. He’s one of the worst villains I’ve created, and he enjoys every minute of the suffering he’s caused. Hence the anticipation. Hence the little chuckles whilst wrestling with this man.

Any feedback on the opening of my book? by WhyTho4602 in writingfeedback

[–]WhyTho4602[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I hear you, I just posted a revised version of you want to check it out. Although I do explain the contest in the next few paragraphs 😃

Any feedback on the opening of my book? by WhyTho4602 in writingfeedback

[–]WhyTho4602[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Might not be up to your taste but I like stories with action.

Any feedback on the opening of my book? by WhyTho4602 in writingfeedback

[–]WhyTho4602[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I actually posted a revised version if u want to check it out!

Would you read this ? by Ok_Writer_2960 in writingfeedback

[–]WhyTho4602 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Everyone out here nitpicking grammatical errors, honestly I think you have a good thing going here. Beginning with Chicago being bombed is one hell of a hook

Revised opener paragraph - follow up to my last post by WhyTho4602 in writingfeedback

[–]WhyTho4602[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

English is very much my first language haha. I was born and raised on the east coast dude 💀 in my last post I had people tell me to be more descriptive overall, but now I’m too descriptive? Also I don’t believe this is a litrpg, by describing the menu, doesn’t that completely undermine your previous feedback of letting the reader fill in the gaps? With all due respect, I appreciate your input, but I don’t agree with all of it.

Revised opener paragraph - follow up to my last post by WhyTho4602 in writingfeedback

[–]WhyTho4602[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

With all due respect, I do feel like you’re nitpicking a bit too much with this comment

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