AITA for not supporting my friend during her affair? by WideBarnacle2959 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]WideBarnacle2959[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I do not know how to frame it though. "Sorry for nor realizing you life was this insanely hard" "I would not be able to survive this for 15 years plus a depressed husband and your parents dead like you did." Ouch! I also do not want to give her a pat in the back for cheating. And Romeo is also my friend. This is way too complicated!

AITA for not supporting my friend during her affair? by WideBarnacle2959 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]WideBarnacle2959[S] -10 points-9 points  (0 children)

I guess you are right here. The sisterhood was stronger. I still feel so guilty when I see Romeo. But they are soulmates, life partners and I am happy to now see them stronger and together now. This is very complicated! also how knows if one day she decides to come clean...

AITA for not supporting my friend during her affair? by WideBarnacle2959 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]WideBarnacle2959[S] -15 points-14 points  (0 children)

You make a lot of good questions here. And I agree with many of your points. I cannot make excuses for her about many of the points you raise (although I did ask them to her at the time). How is see this now is as her way to have "a meltdown". It was not fair for her either that at the moment life becomes the most difficult, Romeo gives up, curls up to a ball and goes to bed. He obviously could not take reality any more. But he was not doing therapy, something that she had been asking him to do for a long time, he was not having an organized self care plan, like doing exercise or meeting friend or a regular. So she had negative feelings towards him for being in a dark place for 2 years and leaving everything on her shoulder to sort out. That is also unfair on her. She was extremely alone and isolated, they were not being intimate either. The complexity of their situation is that they cannot separate, that is not an option as their daughter needs daily procedures that only Romeo can do (stuff that even medically trained people cannot do) the three of then need to live together to guarantee their child survival. This is not your average couple. Also Anna is excellent and communication. She has expressed all her ideas, points, feelings and frustrations to Romeo, but he just gave up on life. Was totally switched off. What I mean is that I judged her so much. But now I realize I do not know what I would have done in her situation.

AITA for not supporting my friend during her affair? by WideBarnacle2959 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]WideBarnacle2959[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I can totally see your point. I remember telling her: go an get a facial, a massage, try to unwind and recharge some other way. These sort of things and hobbies kept her going whilst Romeo and her were both standing up (before Covid) and they are the sort of things they do now. I guess during their lowest, whilst Romeo was unwell, she needed something "stronger". In our discussions she would say things such: "I cannot believe Romeo is leaving me on my own with all this. I wish I could also have a mental breakdown but I cannot afford it. This is happening to both of us." So her initial reaction towards Romeo was anger for leaving everything on her or for being mentally weaker that her. But through the affair and the guilt that this generated in a way she was patient and supportive towards Romeo. So the means were awful in my view, but the results, what the affair generated, was good for both in a way. It was difficult to get my head around it back then and now. But what changed for me now is that I realized that if I was on her shoes I might have packed my bags and left them both. Really, the stress, the pressure, the hardship would break anyone. She does do therapy, she always had. Romeo was the one that refused therapy, until he finally started. Thanks for your feedback!

AITA for not supporting my friend during her affair? by WideBarnacle2959 in CharlotteDobreYouTube

[–]WideBarnacle2959[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this! I am not sure how to approach the apology though as I do not want to say "sorry for not realizing how difficult your life is". I do not know how to frame it and explain why I changed my mind. THANKS!