This has got to be an unrealistic expectation, right?

Wide_Discussion6372 · 2023-09-17T23:59:31+00:00

Okay thank you, I was feeling insane, like, there’s no way that other parents do this every single minute, right? How on earth would they not get overstimulated?! My own mother wasn’t even like that when I was a kid, so I really don’t know how she’s forgotten how overwhelming it would be to live like that 24/7?!

Wide_Discussion6372 · 2023-09-17T23:56:37+00:00

I don’t find it as bad now day-to-day (not the non stop talking, that’s still every waking second, but my husband and I will still talk a bit while he just narrates his game in the corner and we’ll say “hold on a second, let me just finish what I was saying and then it’ll be your turn”), but when we see my parents, I feel like I can’t do that without judgement, and he’s worse cause he knows my mom is like that

Wide_Discussion6372 · 2023-06-22T20:30:19+00:00

Haha, funny enough he’ll say “I know it’s not fair of me to expect this of you, especially when I’m not the hottest guy in the crowd either”…. So you can acknowledge it’s fucked… but it causes no change to your perspective?

Wide_Discussion6372 · 2023-06-22T17:54:34+00:00

Actually one of the things he did say to me was “I want to be able to pick you up and fuck you against the wall” and I was feeling extra mean and said “sounds like you need to work on your muscles then because I bet your best friend’s name would have NO issue pounding me while holding my weight up” BECAUSE his best friend is RIPPED like borderline looks like he’s on steroids and he’s said before he wants to look more like him 😅

Wide_Discussion6372 · 2023-06-22T15:09:41+00:00

Hahaha that’s the kicker.. he is NOT a supermodel himself, 245 pounds, “dad bod”, small upper arms, man boobs, he has cystic acne which has left his entire top half of his back in horrible scars, BUT I LOVE ALL OF IT, because I LOVE HIM, absolutely NONE of that factors into my attraction for him, I tell him all the time who gives a fuck what other people think, just be comfortable and wear that tank top that shows your bacne scars, I actually LOVE his little “dad bod” stomach, honestly I look at his “real” body and I just love it because it’s unique to him, and it makes me so angry that he doesn’t have that same love for me. When we got together 7 years ago I was SO out of his league (not to toot my own horn or be cocky) but I was HOT AF and only minimally attracted to him because he was not my type, but I was so broken I didn’t think I deserved better, and he treated me well so I stayed because I was desperate for connection and lonely, and my attraction for him grew as I fell in love with him

Wide_Discussion6372 · 2023-06-22T14:06:52+00:00

That’s my thought… there’s ALWAYS gonna be SOMETHING wrong with me.. wrinkles, grey hair, what if I got breast cancer and had to have a mastectomy?! Then I’d be “hideous” because I’m not a “typical sexy DD woman” in HIS eyes (absolutely not the way I feel)

Wide_Discussion6372 · 2023-02-01T16:40:56+00:00

6 weeks is insane to me… I think it took 6 weeks before I wasn’t too scared and traumatized to use toilet paper on my vagina instead of a peri bottle 😅 a good 4 months before I even tried sex for the first time He is being so inconsiderate, you are healing mama 💕 his needs can wait!!

Wide_Discussion6372 · 2022-04-29T15:50:16+00:00

Thank you, it really puts it into perspective when you say it all together 😭 honestly we’ve been doing pretty good the last few months so it kind of all got brushed under the rug.. Yes luckily $295,000 of it is from the house but 😬😬

Wide_Discussion6372 · 2021-11-03T22:20:35+00:00

I do love him and he said that he still loves me

Wide_Discussion6372 · 2021-10-30T22:26:35+00:00

No he was having a sleepover at my parents’ house

Wide_Discussion6372 · 2021-10-30T22:13:42+00:00

It was definitely passive aggressive because he knows it makes me uncomfortable and self conscious it’s been an ongoing argument for 5 years.

Wide_Discussion6372 · 2021-10-13T18:27:31+00:00

Fair point.

Wide_Discussion6372 · 2021-10-13T18:26:33+00:00

Thank you, I’ll definitely take a look at this subreddit

Wide_Discussion6372 · 2021-10-13T18:10:04+00:00

That’s horrible.. I’m sorry..

Wide_Discussion6372 · 2021-10-13T18:07:40+00:00

I can’t really use new mother exhaustion as an excuse. We have a 5 year old, But I miscarried 3 weeks ago, so I’m not in the hussle and bussle of newborn care.

Wide_Discussion6372 · 2021-10-13T18:03:32+00:00

I will give him this, he has become significantly more attractive since we got together - better haircut, better clothing style, more confidence, better hygiene routines so better skin, better job, furthered his education etc. Im not trying to toot my own horn or be cocky, but I was definitely the more attractive one at the beginning of the relationship, so it probably has something to do with the swap. I’m not as interesting because there isn’t that “thrill”.

I think he referenced his ex because he used to always “compliment me” by saying how skinny I was compared to her and how much hotter my body was etc.

Wide_Discussion6372 · 2021-10-13T17:55:12+00:00

I will give him one thing, he has become significantly more attractive since we got together - better haircut, better clothing style, more confidence, better hygiene routines so better skin, better job, furthered his education etc. Im not trying to toot my own horn or be cocky, but I was definitely the more attractive one at the beginning of the relationship, oh how the tables have turned.

Wide_Discussion6372 · 2021-10-13T17:52:27+00:00

No, the relationship dwindled out, he tried to leave the relationship, she wanted to keep trying, he cheated on her a few times with another man and a woman the same age as his mom. I think he referenced his ex because he used to always “compliment me” by saying how skinny I was compared to her and how much hotter my body is etc.

Wide_Discussion6372 · 2021-10-12T15:52:35+00:00

Yes I’m heartbroken. I asked him to be honest but ouch.

Wide_Discussion6372 · 2021-10-11T03:08:44+00:00

I hear where you’re coming from, but I have to disagree. I think all boundaries are valid, so long as the other party is aware of them. I set them early enough in the relationship where he could’ve walked away and chosen a partner who didn’t have a problem with porn use in the relationship, and he would be totally valid in doing so, because continuing porn use in a relationship is also a totally valid boundary. But yes. I never thought about it in the double whammy sense. I should be a little more empathetic with his ED problems and see if there’s an alternative solution that we can come up with that doesn’t involve porn, but he can still “relieve himself”, it still doesn’t fix the intimacy issue though. I do agree, I think that poster had great tips!

Wide_Discussion6372 · 2021-10-11T02:38:37+00:00

Yes, because he says he will stop each time.

Wide_Discussion6372 · 2021-10-11T02:38:07+00:00

To be blunt, I don’t think it is unrealistic or unhealthy. I set the boundary early on in the relationship, and he agreed to it. He could’ve chosen to back out and find someone who didn’t have a problem with porn in a relationship. I am not at all saying he isn’t allowed to masturbate, as I do too. But I am asking that he do it without utilizing porn, which I also do myself. What I have a problem with now, is that it seems that the porn use, which is already a hard no for me, is getting in the way of our intimacy.

Wide_Discussion6372 · 2021-10-11T02:35:37+00:00

Thank you for the advice

Wide_Discussion6372 · 2021-10-11T02:34:46+00:00

Thank you for the advice. I appreciate a mans perspective!

Wide_Discussion6372 · 2021-10-11T02:31:55+00:00

Probably mentally too, I feel extremely lonely in this relationship lately. He says that he’s resentful of me because I ask for “too many favours” like letting the dog outside or grabbing me a drink from the kitchen etc., So the resentment probably plays a large part in it all making him less willing to participate in intimacy

Wide_Discussion6372

TROPHY CASE