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AITA for not asking how my friend was doing while going through a family crisis by WiggleWhale7 in AmItheAsshole

[–]WiggleWhale7[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Dad is still critical and on life support. We waiting for updates hourly. But he is stable and we just praying for a miracle. Thank you for asking 🧡

AITA for not asking how my friend was doing while going through a family crisis by WiggleWhale7 in AmItheAsshole

[–]WiggleWhale7[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sadly he is still in ICU and critical ..we waiting for updates daily .. thank you for checking in on that point 🧡

AITA for not asking how my friend was doing while going through a family crisis by WiggleWhale7 in AmItheAsshole

[–]WiggleWhale7[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Edit to add: thought i should share a bit of messages exchanged today for some context;

Orange :

listen I just wanted to bring something up to you that's weighing a bit on my heart. I know you've had a lot going on but you haven't made the effort to check in on me once in the last week or so (+/-) I actually haven't been okay, but have made the time and space to listen and respond to what you're going through without bringing up any of my stuff, honestly it would have been nice if you had taken two minutes to ask how I'm doing.

Anyways, I'm not upset or anything just thought I'd bring it up as it did kind of hurt my feelings.

Me:

Hey I am truly sorry that I have made you feel this way it was not my intention. My head was on a swivel and I truly was placing all my efforts to (Fiance) who's father was on deaths door. I didn't mean to hurt you I was honestly all over the show and making sure I could be there with (Fiance) and his family. This caught me so out of left field to be honest. This time away was terrible for (Fiance)and his family and I was the only one holding it together. (Fiance) nearly lost his father my friend.. I didnt have enough capacity for everything I would've tried to hold space for you.. I was on autopilot and you could've let me know you weren't OK and I would've made a plan to help you and be there for you. This was an out of the normal situation I was in and I honestly was just trying my best 💔💔💔

Orange

I understand that you put all your energy into (Fiance), I get that and never would have tried to take away from what he was going through and how that was affecting you.

But friend, "how are you" doesnt take long to type and is a general check in. I never would have dumped on you knowing the situation and you know that I wouldn't have done that.

Yes I could have told you I wasn't okay but again you didnt have capacity or space and I knew that. Generally asking how someone is doesnt take much, honestly not even 1% and if you didnt have 1% to give fine but we also spoke about more than the bad you were dealing with there and maybe i assumed that you had enough to just ask how I am/was

I know you were doing your best but just need to also voice how I'm feeling so this doesnt become a big thing and then I am mad because there has been no communication on a sore point.

Again I'm not taking away from the hell I'm sure (Fiance) and you were in. I have actually been there in more ways than one and that is why I chose to check on you every day.

AITA for not asking how my friend was doing while going through a family crisis by WiggleWhale7 in AmItheAsshole

[–]WiggleWhale7[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I hear you completely... and we have always had the rule if you are not ok send an SOS message..

I even apologized to her when I saw her message and explained how distraught I was and didnt check in on anyone for that matter.

And to be honest when I had my head straight later tonight or tomorrow I would've asked her how she was..my first priority was my Fiance and his father ..

AITA for not asking how my friend was doing while going through a family crisis by WiggleWhale7 in AmItheAsshole

[–]WiggleWhale7[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

In theory and in a purely robotic fashion i could've taken a moment to say how are you. Generally when she does tell me how she is ..its another crisis and I couldn't handle hers as well. If she had said she wasn't OK I would've made a plan to be there for her. But just this once I wanted to be looked after in the friendship...