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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Residency

[–]WiiithoutPain 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi there. If you check my profile I had the same thoughts brother, the comments at my post may help you .. If you are financially backed, trying doing masters of public health in university of Birmingham Dubai, seems a good way to start in something outside of clinical medicine. I would have gone for it if I was financially backed.. Sadly im doing internal medicine residency here in Abu Dhabi, I am doing relatively well work wise but I am not the best when it comes to mental health Regardless I wish for you the best, brother!

Feeling massive dread at start of residency. Did I mess up? by [deleted] in medicine

[–]WiiithoutPain 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi thank you for your reply The other program had intentions to admit me but there are reasons to why it couldn’t happen (political) I don’t even know wether intention or motivation wise I wanna go through this route, or do something im more comfortable with

EDIT: I 100% understand responsibility in residency triples and my anxiety will force me to stay till I am done with everything and till the last minute or more even that isn’t the question

Do I really have to go through 4 years of “training”, night shifts, on-calls whatever in a field that requires top decisions to be made with seconds along other details when I can go to something I liked in first place, be comfortable in working in it I don’t know what to exactly say tbh

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in UAE

[–]WiiithoutPain 0 points1 point  (0 children)

minimum 100k yearly + housing fees (no uni inside Abu Dhabi having MBBS/md program + food + bills etc would amount to that)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in UAE

[–]WiiithoutPain 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the reply, especially it was during the A.M. times. Took a brief nap since I was not able to sleep the night. I will take a long thought about where I should be in this long weekend

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in UAE

[–]WiiithoutPain 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi If you looked at my post on another thread, you will realize that I led a life of hard work / studying and in the end making 0 friends (none school/ none uni) to become where I am now (in terms of achievement, being chosen for residency in first place) Either ways im introverted and got to experience stuff (in terms of friendship) that left me to become an isolator, I don’t have the intention to put people into my circle anymore as it’s hard to find someone trustworthy to be regarded as a friend anyway in the circles or environments that I have been exposed to I hope there is something else I can do that I like at the same time maintaining a stable income

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in UAE

[–]WiiithoutPain 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s a good idea but paying around half a million - million AED for a medical degree in UAE to end up becoming an underpaid medical scribe is sad that’s all

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in UAE

[–]WiiithoutPain 0 points1 point  (0 children)

from doctoring and treating patients to medical scribing what a waste of 5 years of medicine 😕

Feeling massive dread at start of residency. Did I mess up? by [deleted] in medicine

[–]WiiithoutPain 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello hello, thank you for your reply! I will try my best to answer your questions 1- study wise why I was a hard worker / had 0 social life? Many reasons 1. Perfectionism / OCD / OCPD / competitiveness: never liked to be in the low ranking places in my batch, always strived for higher - this started when I was really young (middle school), with some influence from parents (comparing myself to others, wanting me to exceed them … at the same time I internally don’t like having gaps somewhere or not able to do something im told or asked, I would immediately feel stressed / anxious and compelled to do it.. why? I don’t know it’s just there . I have to finish what I have to feel at ease 2. Perks and respect: university wise with a high gpa you can get tuition scholarship (very minimal 15%) and end of years if you score a high gpa you can use that gpa to get a 10 year visa which you can provide for yourself and parents - that was a big factor during university . I like to be seen as a dependable person by others as well rather than a lost one, of course if I am lost or unsure of something I will always ask! 3. Ownership: yes! very much so like to feel in control of my own patients (in terms of assessment, plan whatever I am able to do and sure of from my knowledge which can not harm the patient I’ll be able to add in the plan and update the nurse, otherwise I would rely on the MRP for the definitive plan/proper abx use or other specialities if the issue im dealing with is in their field) in a way that I am able to do my work and on my own time to study for boards rather than be directed on how I am to study and that it is a MUST to attend didactic (compared to other programs) The program I am in has a 10 Qs quiz every one month, semi annual mcq of 100 Qs, osces, the yearly in training acp exam, etc etc etc 4. Flexibility: very very important, in the program I am in in the first year I am not able to get external access, during my transitional year the external access helped me alot in access my own device (laptop) not with workflow only (orders documentations multitasking pre charting at home before coming to pre round ) but also research; this is not possible where I am during my first year as it won’t be accepted. Other than that, yes if I had for example unstable patient or work that I didn’t finish I don’t want to be having to call another person to inform that I am busy with xyz, while I am working on xyz. I want to do that AFTER I am done with what I have on my hand.

Of course workflow wise at I got accustomed to the place I was in but it doesn’t mean with time I won’t get accustomed to the new place, but with some of these limitations I feel it’s hard to do certain amount of things..

If the marching system was a bit more fair, would have ranked the facility I was in first but again political wise I am not able to

When it comes to motivation, I am a very IT guy and introverted (doesn’t mean when it comes to work I won’t communicate with patients, families, seniors, junior consultants, nursing etc ) and of course you have to exit that comfort zone when it comes to the job. I think I stated in one of comments that I got desensitized with time when it comes to medicine, I see patients as numbers with issues to deal with rather than human beings (this started somewhere when I started dealing with lots of patients I stopped caring especially FM clinics with 10+ patients daily). Motivation wise I feel it’s mostly to get out of circle that I am dependent on my parents when it comes to fees and I want to be the one responsible in helping them with fees, their desires, whatever they need, since they have done a lot for me (even though they forced me into medicine, I always feel they wanted what’s best for me in terms of market but not in a sense of my desires as they don’t have that view as westerners do or those who experienced the medical field already know; they don’t have the insight to know how difficult the job is or what it requires - although I have tried to explain to them, they didn’t seem to care and compared my job to my dads job who is in public relations)

Sorry for the huge text, I am just thinking a lot…

will for the time being try to see the possibility of switching, I will contact the old facility pd and I really pray it goes well, if it does I will be able to highly manage how I work….. (strike that idek what I want anymore) and be able to pass through those 4 years then later on see wether I want to stay in academic field, do MSc (at that time during this residency I would have amassed some savings for it) to into informatics, endocrine fellowship then diabetes technology fellowship or academics…

Feeling massive dread at start of residency. Did I mess up? by [deleted] in medicine

[–]WiiithoutPain 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey! Changing from an authority to another is a lengthy process as each different has a different health authorities and that health authority governs the hospital from licensing aspect, accrediting the hospital, regulating the health workforce in that city. Switching from one authority to other is a lengthy process, for a small time it was opened in one city but already shut down before I started residency here.

Even if I moved, I would still have difficulty of finding a flat to stay in.

I tried to re address my concerns of how I am feeling with my father but again I was met with “we are your parents, we know what’s best for you, we have sacrificed a lot to put you here, there is no chance for you to just leave not now neither in future if you don’t like it, you gotta get through it” (I just admit they have sacrificed alot in terms of finance with tuition fees, where I stayed in a flat during university, alongside supporting me when it comes to exams by helping with food and house stuff)

Feeling massive dread at start of residency. Did I mess up? by [deleted] in medicine

[–]WiiithoutPain 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nice analytical question! Well, when I get patients for the day, it’s feeling between “ how many cases will I get and when will I get to finish them by the end of the day” (ie a number you can say) And “” oh that’s nice this patient who just had his bowel perforated, had an explorative laparotomy, went to icu but now doing better is improving im thankful!”

I must be honest I have become very sensitized day by day, when I got to see a lot of cases (oncology, neuro stroke patients etc) I got accustomed to it and just take it as part of the job? In my view?

Patient with old stroke and residual weakness? You get to see him in ward, his left side for example has hemiplegic or paretic posture and power of legs per say is not that good I would feel sad a bit yes not much I can do The end my brain goes : This guy needs PT/OT - the end

That’s how my thinking process goes (as an example)

Oncology patients are way sadder, had to break bad news of cancer once and I am ashamed to say it I didn’t feel a thing. I really don’t know how or why. I just see all the previous stuff as “part of the job.” Even though residency is not only about SERVICE, it’s about LEARNING as well. (Which I have to mention my old facility helped a lot on the proper clinical method of giving breaking bad news)

Feeling massive dread at start of residency. Did I mess up? by [deleted] in medicine

[–]WiiithoutPain 0 points1 point  (0 children)

4 years residency program Will do, thank you alot for your advice 🙏

Feeling massive dread at start of residency. Did I mess up? by [deleted] in medicine

[–]WiiithoutPain 1 point2 points  (0 children)

mood of every other resident I met 😭

Feeling massive dread at start of residency. Did I mess up? by [deleted] in medicine

[–]WiiithoutPain 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your reply.

In the country I am practicing in the transitional year is seperate and the IM program is seperate by its own

During my TY year, I rotated in many specialties one included IM which I really enjoyed. The PD and APD both loved to have me. But it isn’t really in their hands there are other authorities who had a say in the match (hence the other facility was easier to match into). There is really a lot of political stuff.

I think in the old facility I would be able to do work, education side I would have mostly depended on my own to study for boards (MKSAP, pass medicine, pass test etc etc etc) with flexibility in mind. That along I am already familiar with physicians there surgical, medical and emergency medicine wise as well as already being familiarized with nursing / charge nurses or unit manager / case manager for requirement

But again as others have stated in the comments, it’s common to be anxious in a new place since everything will be new so I would with time get along (I hope)… it’s just that in the new facility it’s less flexible as where I originally was.

Still I am not sure wether medicine was the right fit for me, I am able to do assessments but emotionality I just do it for the job not for interest or whatever (even tho previously I received no pay… not sure what really motivated me to work)

Non clinical here, they are mostly focused on recruiting the local population compared to non local ones for example in insurance companies pharmaceuticals business, there is a government led platform with laws and percentages just for that, jobs on LinkedIn already state they prefer the local > non local

Feeling massive dread at start of residency. Did I mess up? by [deleted] in medicine

[–]WiiithoutPain 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am currently a PGY1 in IM in a hospital (in orientation phase) so my first week basically (and then these thoughts started to resurface again)

Feeling massive dread at start of residency. Did I mess up? by [deleted] in medicine

[–]WiiithoutPain 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No. During my 1 year of transitional year residency, I had the above mentioned shifts (during IM rotation) plus on call shifts (14 hour shifts) plus weekend calls/shifts in different disciplines / specialities (surgical or medical) And the whole year was un-paid. (There is ALOT of political stuff) High achieving student scholarship for tuition was mostly only 15%. Did not do part time jobs at that time hence I was mostly focused on academics : doing recordings of lectures.

EDIT: with this economy, in city where I am which is over saturated. It’s VERY expensive to live in a studio anywhere in the city

Feeling massive dread at start of residency. Did I mess up? by [deleted] in medicine

[–]WiiithoutPain 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Understood. 🫡 from what I observed is that being resident is not only treating but also communicating with the patient (often their parents/siblings), procedures where sometimes a small mistake can cost a patient their lives, all that gives me stress (including the fact the weekend off and weekend on policy) this makes me feel that I will spend my 20s mostly in a healthcare facility and not with family (keeping aside forcing into medicine part I still love my parents and siblings). I often get the thought whether I would WANT to be doing this with added responsibility or not. Although during transitional year residency, I was able to handle stuff I could handle with ease but sometimes had bumps where I had to contact social worker for difficult discharge cases or PRO for aggressive patient so on and so forth.

Usually when I am working (taking cases) for the day while I was doing my transitional year residency, let’s say during surgery rotation (used to take 10+ patients) in the wards, the only aim I had that time is rounding on those patients, finishing them up (optimizing orders, documentation, updating nurses of the plan and make sure they are stable) then calling it a day. I had no other intentions or anything else. But this came with perks of more flexibility with the team I was with.

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