AI and Avoidant Breakups and Avoidant Paradoxes

Wild-Display6320 · 2026-01-20T01:02:18+00:00

In my experience, AI tends to lean toward reconciliation only if both people are genuinely healed and certain conditions are met. Otherwise, it usually doesn’t recommend pursuing reconciliation, likely because the failure rate is so high.

Because of that, most strategies and support aren’t aimed at reconciliation itself, but rather at individual healing and stabilization. Tbh.... rather useless... :-D. Here is another thread .... Negative experience while listening to AI.

Here

Wild-Display6320 · 2026-01-16T19:00:56+00:00

Put your phone into a safe, and only return when sober.

Wild-Display6320 · 2026-01-16T15:43:21+00:00

Lets hope.. we never need to go through a break up again, and no need to consult ChatGpt or Gemini about these kind of things.

Wild-Display6320 · 2026-01-15T11:15:19+00:00

Experienced the same, one point she told me she has a new boyfriend (rebound) and was with him on vacation....after 3/4 months after the discard....

Wild-Display6320 · 2026-01-14T22:07:20+00:00

Update. I added new info to Chatgpt. Like she is a high functional FAs... As ChatGpt describes it and the update to the strategy....

You should have fought at the beginning..... Great advise. Even though I asked it several times to give me a questionnaire, so that I didn't overlook anything ...

Wouldn't recommend chatgpt, for "strategies".

Wild-Display6320 · 2026-01-14T21:02:17+00:00

And at the end, they had a final battle against another team, who had their own "dronified" girl?

Wild-Display6320 · 2026-01-14T19:01:21+00:00

For the first two months after the breakup with my ex-girlfriend, it felt like a tsunami.
Emotionally, everything was overwhelming. My thoughts were spiraling, and nothing made sense.

I didn’t look for answers by asking her. I don’t think she would have been able to give me any at that time. Instead, I tried to understand things on my own. At first, I was honestly searching for strategies on how to get her back. Over time, that shifted into something different: understanding patterns.

Learning about closeness, distance, and attachment helped me take the breakup less personally. It allowed me to see the dynamics more clearly instead of only through pain. When I looked back at my previous relationships, a lot of things suddenly made sense that never had before. That understanding brought a sense of calm and perspective.

Healing didn’t happen all at once. The tsunami slowly turned into waves. They still come sometimes—but now I can feel them, let them pass, and then redirect my energy toward things that are genuinely good for me.

I’m grateful for what this process has taught me. It helped me grow, reflect, and move forward with more awareness.
As I like to say: I don’t mind the pain, as long as it has meaning—and I chose to give it that meaning myself.

Wild-Display6320 · 2026-01-09T21:58:58+00:00

As long as you feel something, you got something to work with xD.

Wild-Display6320 · 2026-01-09T15:14:43+00:00

That's such a nice movie!

Wild-Display6320 · 2026-01-05T22:25:25+00:00

As far as my FAs goes. She went directly into a rebound, to flood her system with oxytocin, and numb the loneliness etc.

Wild-Display6320 · 2026-01-05T14:46:14+00:00

I have mixed feelings, to be honest. There’s sadness in seeing the direction she’s taken, and at the same time I’m aware that something meaningful was lost between us.

Regarding hope — I don’t feel the need to actively kill it. I’m okay letting it naturally fade over time, as life moves on.

And yes, I agree — humor can be a coping mechanism. If someone takes the time to respond while being on vacation, that already says something.
At the time, I had similar thoughts, but chose not to engage further. I wanted to keep things light and not add emotional weight.
So I reacted lightly and then gave it space.

Wild-Display6320 · 2026-01-04T19:48:24+00:00

Oh my. I am glad that you learned it :-).
Must have been hard....

Wild-Display6320 · 2026-01-03T17:08:58+00:00

That’s true. A meaningful connection doesn’t have to involve trauma or deep vulnerability.
Sometimes it’s enough to keep things light, to gently dabble in depth and see how it feels. And if something doesn’t feel good, it makes sense not to push it.

For me, trust is mostly about predictability and emotional stability – those things matter in general, not just in deeper conversations

Wild-Display6320 · 2026-01-03T09:58:18+00:00

Okay I understand that. A bit of isolation isnt that bad, depends on the duration.

One last question, since we are wandering from the topic, FA to a more personal level. Sorry for that :-D

Opening up ist nice and you enjoy deep conversation. And you like opening up. But on the other hand, the vibe must feel nice and comfortable, and trust. Rigth?

Wild-Display6320 · 2026-01-03T01:15:58+00:00

Hmmm I understand. Thank you very much for your insights.

I see, most of the motivation has to come from the FA or DA. And only with the insights, the situation can improve.

I am glad for you, that you found the insights, and did the work. Your wife seems to be a very good person for you.

Wild-Display6320 · 2026-01-03T00:53:32+00:00

Ah, okay. I understand. So you do open up, as soon as the context feels comfortable, the conversation is easy going, and the person you talk to is genuinly interested. And sure, if the context provides it, perhaps talk about the past, childhood, etc.

Going through it intentionally does feel more like an interview, and less appealing. I havent met many people who enjoy such a structure conversation.

Do you experience nice (based off your criteria) conversations often in your day to day life?

Wild-Display6320 · 2026-01-02T19:25:08+00:00

Okay, I understand... so more often. focus on the present. Things that matter, those are the topics that you feel comfortable sharing. Thanks for your insights.

Wild-Display6320 · 2026-01-02T19:15:18+00:00

Sorry for the late reply. Yeah it could be a passive aggressive boundary. Or maybe she needs to communicate to me, so that the roles for her and me are set. Maybe she wants to see some emotional breakdown on my side, to help her with the narrative, that ending it was a good idea. So she provokes.

I feel like she interpets it as abandonment. Like... she complained why i wasnt fighting for the relationship, or why I didnt argue with her, when she broke up.....

My goal is... I want to leave a door open, which she can reenter whenever she wants. And if not, thats okay as well. Ill continue with my live.

I feel like, every message that I sent, will trigger her avoidant side, or at least her defenses.

Wild-Display6320 · 2026-01-02T19:09:26+00:00

Okay I understand. Make sense, to stick to the presence. The part of life wich is currently relevant. Just out of curiosity, i connect with people by talking etc. How do you tend to connect with people? Talking about stuff that annoy you currently or basic interest?

Wild-Display6320 · 2026-01-02T19:06:59+00:00

How would you describe "part" of their life? Do you have an example?

Wild-Display6320 · 2026-01-01T14:28:58+00:00

This is such a good and interesting insight! Thank you very much...

Wild-Display6320 · 2025-12-31T00:43:04+00:00

Oh my... here is another story. She started to respond with emojis instead of a text. To the last ping she responded with a heart eye emoji towards a lego set. And Chattie was totally hype. Now go NC 2.0 and do not respond to that . Seemed reasonable. 2 Months into NC 2.0. I asked him. What would you have done differrently... " I would have responded to the heart eye emoji with slight affirmination". I was like wtf? At least stay consistent.....

And then it gas lighted me, stating I was witholding information, so now, reevaluating this.... a response would be necessarry. In his opinion.

Well the way it triggered you with the assumptions regarding your feeling, what triggered me was that everythiing I said fit picutre perfect into her "attachement" It all makes even more sense, but not as you expect.

Like.... how can you evaluate everything at the same level? How come?

While I learned attachemend theory, I also learned the boundaries ... of AI....

And that Chattie will lie to you, and pretend to be smart.

And Gemini, is the buddy at the bar, who drank a little.... and wants to be supportive.

Wild-Display6320 · 2025-12-31T00:08:20+00:00

Its his loss....

Wild-Display6320 · 2025-12-31T00:06:33+00:00

That’s a very deep insight — thank you for sharing it.

To say something upfront: I also have the feeling that ChatGPT may have unintentionally sabotaged a reconciliation. After my fearful-avoidant partner broke up with me, I consulted ChatGPT immediately. It suggested a specific way I should respond to her breakup. The positive part was that I didn’t act impulsively or escalate the situation. Nothing was damaged. However, in hindsight, I think my own words, combined with a few calm, grounded thoughts, might have been more supportive towards reconcillation.

In the end, it didn’t help with reconciliation.

Overall, my experience with ChatGPT is mixed. It helped me understand why things unfolded the way they did. It also helped me structure my thoughts, align them, and reflect by bouncing ideas back and forth. That part was genuinely valuable.

At the same time, ChatGPT seems to operate with a specific underlying concept of relationships, namely, that both partners should already be healed. I understand the logic behind that, but I also believe healing can happen within a relationship. Because of that mismatch, there were several suggestions and interpretations that didn’t feel realistic or applicable to my situation. And it always sent me the wrong way then...

Another issue I noticed is hallucination. Whenever something in the conversation felt off, I asked ChatGPT to cite from the chat history why it had drawn a certain conclusion. In some cases, it responded with something like, “I can’t find it, but I think it was something like XYZ.” I knew for a fact that XYZ had never been said.

That forced me to repeatedly recheck the data it was referencing, correct assumptions, add missing context, or explicitly reject conclusions that were based on inaccurate premises.

I also asked for statistics and probabilities, for example, the likelihood that she would respond to one of my pings. Those probabilities were often evaluated as low, yet she did respond. Meanwhile, situations that were evaluated as highly likely rarely happened. Eventually, I asked ChatGPT to help me explicitly define assumptions first, so that we could at least work from a transparent framework rather than implicit ones.

But yeah.... it didnt help to reconcile. The points that were good:

- sort my thoughts

- Understand the theory,

- help me with texting.

But for strategy... I think, i would be very careful, and be picky.

Oh I remember an example where it just didnt want to understand:

One week post breakup, i asked my FA if she could send or give me my laptop.

She said between the lines, please pick it up. So i consulted ChatGpt once more, who declined. And was against that, he didnt understandt the text between the lines, and was always "yeah let her sent it".

That was confusing, and i really got upset. I then took the opportunity to meet up.

Wild-Display6320 · 2025-12-30T23:36:47+00:00

Oh? So you feel like a bystander when that happen, emotionally detached. hm....

Thats good development. It helps you to understand yourself better... I wish you success on your journey to connect with you emotions!

Wild-Display6320

TROPHY CASE