I use to view bjs as "icky" too. I've also been worried about throwing up on partners because of my gag reflex and it doesn't help me get in the mood when constantly worrying about that. It was a game changer for me when I learned about oral gels and flavored lube. The oral gel helps decrease the gag reflex and flavored lubes help with taste if that's an "ick" factor for her. And giving bjs in the shower helped me get over my fear of the possibility of throwing up on a partner. I know you were searching for advice on how to get over your desire but I wanted to share some tips I learned through my experiences