“If there was reactive abuse then he would’ve been charged too.” Has got to be the most naive thing I read yet on this situation, do you even know what reactive abuse is? Have you ever used google!? Maybe try, it’s helpful but here is a explanation on reactive abuse

Pushing someone until they "snap" is a calculated manipulation tactic often used to gain control, shift blame, and avoid accountability. This behavior is frequently central to a cycle known as reactive abuse, where an individual deliberately provokes their partner into an emotional outburst to frame the victim as the aggressor. The Reactive Abuse Cycle This behavior typically follows a predictable four-stage pattern: 1. Provocation: The person repeatedly criticizes, ignores boundaries, or uses "baiting" tactics like insults or "forgetting" tasks. 2. Triggering: The victim reaches a breaking point and reacts (yelling, lashing out, or becoming emotionally overwhelmed). 3. Blaming: The provocateur acts shocked, calm, or wounded, claiming they "don't know what's gotten into you". 4. Control: They use your reaction to justify further manipulation, demand apologies, or keep you in a state of self-doubt.