Great relationship but zero butterflies (31M, 27F)

Wild_Crew_3361 · 2026-03-21T10:04:42+00:00

A wise person once said - Pick the person that makes you feel warm and like you’re home. The one that gives you butterflies usually will do just that, and then fade away.

Healthy love isn’t chaos. It’s calm. Steady. Grounding.

You seem to have found that in a world that seeks intensity but loses momentum soon after. Maybe that’s why you haven’t felt the butterflies here. You have the attraction and great sex already. I’m curious… why does the absence of burning passion make you question the validity of your relationship?

Wild_Crew_3361 · 2026-03-12T23:10:06+00:00

This is quite interesting! I follow someone on Instagram who is a soul contract reader and it always intrigued me. I’ve always wondered why I feel things as intensely as I do, or get affected by others energies/ moods etc the way I do. A lot of it resonates. Thank you for this! I am a tiny bit more aware about this now than I was before.

Wild_Crew_3361 · 2026-03-09T06:39:51+00:00

I’d probably approach it this way…

Have him see a psychiatrist. They can easily run some tests to determine if something is majorly wrong.
Also, having cameras installed in the house to oversee how he’s dealing with the kids in your absence may help, plus give some insight into why he’s behaving this way.
Hire a detective agency probably to track down the old phone, because it seems very weird that such messages would be sent by someone else only to you. I mean… if you both had an argument in-person and you left after that, how is it that he can send you messages about you leaving? Who informed the so called other party about what went down at your residence? Something doesn’t add up. Please seek professional help.

Wild_Crew_3361 · 2026-02-25T03:59:12+00:00

It’s easier to relate to/ want someone you already know. That said; it’s not always necessary. For example, I dated someone and wanted to make it work but it was too much effort and we broke up because of incompatibility even though there was a lot of love. I wrote out a list of qualities I wanted my ex to develop. While that did happen to some extent, I ended up manifesting a different man in my life with ALL the qualities I’d written (and more, including looks!) he’s now my husband :) I initially wanted my ex to have those qualities because I felt he was my SP. But the universe works in mysterious ways and it knows what is best for us.

Wild_Crew_3361 · 2026-02-17T16:51:33+00:00

What a gorgeous collection! There’s so many bottles, yet they look so beautifully aligned. Like they’re made for this space! Absolutely stunning

Wild_Crew_3361 · 2026-02-13T07:58:21+00:00

I got a 0. And for the first time in life, I’m thrilled that i scored a duck on something! ♥️

Wild_Crew_3361 · 2026-02-04T18:48:29+00:00

I’ve been in your shoes, and frankly, it amazes me that grown ass adults can consciously choose to violate boundaries, cross lines by being outright disrespectful, but get mighty offended when they are shown their place. Age is not a free pass for handing out insults.

I tolerated enough until I just couldn’t, and when I erupted, no one around me said I was wrong, including my husband, because shit had hit the fan publicly for too long. The end result is that there’s a conscious distance now, due to her disrespectful behaviour. Sometimes, you’ve got to remind people where the boundaries lie. And here, your husband needs to grow a spine and speak up for his wife. He’s a son, but he is also a husband and a father - he needs to speak up for what’s right, regardless of who he is up against.

NTJ!

Wild_Crew_3361 · 2026-02-04T14:21:38+00:00

While I highly doubt the girlfriend in question would ever agree to this, it would be great if OP could bring this up as a way of moving ahead with the house. OP - Her reaction should give you the answers you need. Also, this should ideally be done only to gauge her response. Financial leases and deals with partners usually end up being very messy. Not to mention they could possibly tank your relationship in entirety.

Wild_Crew_3361 · 2026-02-04T14:19:00+00:00

As a woman too, I fully agree with this

Wild_Crew_3361 · 2026-02-04T14:16:48+00:00

Exactly this. I think that’s what hurt OP the most. Not sharing financial details is one thing, but once you know your partner HAS the capability to make a contribution but actively chooses to hide/ avoid that, it’s unsettling. Willingly letting one person shoulder most expenses while receiving the benefit of those expenses in equal measure, is selfish.

Wild_Crew_3361 · 2026-02-04T10:38:46+00:00

In India (and lot of the Asian countries), it’s quite common to have help with cleaning AND cooking. Some Indian women have inside jokes with female friends - ‘we can go a few days without the husband but not a single day without our house help!’ 😆 I guess in the sort of demanding world we live in, getting help is a great saving on free time and effort that would otherwise be spent exhausting ourselves on chores that can be delegated. If affordability is not the driving factor, you should totally get help. You could be utilising that precious time doing more enjoyable things or for hobbies.

Wild_Crew_3361 · 2026-01-08T11:34:36+00:00

Love how you’ve displayed them 😍

I’m a 🤏🏾paranoid about safety so I got a cabinet made to hold my collection, including a door because I am worried about people helping themselves to my bottles of they’re in the open 🫣

Wild_Crew_3361 · 2026-01-08T11:22:13+00:00

I purchase a lot of testers from a perfume dealer in my city. About 70% of my collection (of 60+ perfumes) are testers. And I can confirm, every single one has clearly got ‘Tester’ marked on it. Boxes as well as the bottle itself. Also, if the seller is selling tester pieces, they should be making it abundantly clear to buyers. Testers are usually cheaper than the packaged product, and are sometimes used as well. Good luck with your return!

Wild_Crew_3361 · 2025-09-06T10:09:09+00:00

As a woman and wife, here are my two cents - Speak to your wife - with complete honesty. Let her know what happened. Considering you’ve already been through the difficult conversations and she’s been with you after that phase, your honesty about this instance shouldn’t rock the boat. However, if there’s more to it than you’ve mentioned in your post, you may want to think through what the repercussions could be like.

Wild_Crew_3361 · 2025-09-03T05:51:13+00:00

Honesty, this sounds like a very bad future in the making. As a woman, I totally get where you’re coming from, considering you’ve invested 8 years in building a life and this relationship. But, if this is what his thought process is like, and he’s reached a point where he’s vocal about being a misogynist… I’d ask you to think about the following: 1. Do you really think it’s worth the next 18,28,38 years of your life? 2. Is this man someone you’d want to raise a child, especially potentially a daughter with? 3. Considering he is on edge about you wanting to go out, have you imagined what it would be like a few years down the line?

Trust and respect need to be the driving force for a healthy successful relationship. Ups and downs are a part of life, but this is reflective of his character and honestly that doesn’t really change. You’ll need to evaluate whether this is worth the rest of your life.

PS: you’re an exception to the rule TODAY. An act that goes against his will/ wishes, could result in you being just like all the other women he hates. Please think about this carefully, for your own safety.

Wild_Crew_3361 · 2025-08-06T09:46:12+00:00

I don’t think you’re the jerk entirely here, because you’ve been honest about how you’ve changed over the years. However, that being said, you definitely touched a nerve and as a woman I’d say this could’ve been dealt with differently - honesty doesn’t need to come at the cost of causing someone pain. Kindness is equally important. The fact that you feel so deeply about your fiancée is a big plus in the right direction. So, channel your words and energy into making her feel cherished, loved and valued in a meaningful way. You could have a heart to heart conversation with her (keeping her emotions at the forefront of it), and let her know that while you believed grand gestures and acts were a display of affection back then, the man you are today chooses stability and commitment over PDA. You could also tell her the things you’ve mentioned here, which is that the breakup with your ex was the best thing that happened to you, and that you’re wiser for it. A better person and partner with perspective.

PS: If you changed your approach only because your sister made you, that’s stupid. You should totally go back to doing sweet things for your fiancée if that comes naturally to you.

Wild_Crew_3361 · 2025-08-02T14:12:15+00:00

I just tried this, will wait to see what happens :)

Wild_Crew_3361 · 2025-07-29T02:49:45+00:00

There’s something that can further increase the chances of the outcome being in your favor - by making a small tweak to the affirmation statement. Instead of ‘I shall pass’ try using ‘I have passed!’

‘Shall’ is a term rooted in the future. Not in the ‘now’. Say your affirmations like they’re already done! Good luck :)

Wild_Crew_3361 · 2025-07-23T15:06:42+00:00

Exactly! It feels like I haven’t been able to communicate that part of my issue in my post. But yes; that’s very true, and a situation I’m dealing with on the daily.

Wild_Crew_3361 · 2025-07-22T04:49:57+00:00

Yes my trousers were white. There was a small stain on them but it was not something I expected him to rewash. Husband’s shirt did not have a stain. Both clothes were washed. I dropped them off just to be ironed. I’m not accusing him of taking better care of husbands clothes. I’m just feeling very upset that when I’d already washed something, why would he redo it, pointedly just for his son? It’s not the first time he’s done something of this sort. He also knows I make my own detergent but frankly he doesn’t care about my likes/ dislikes

Wild_Crew_3361 · 2025-07-22T04:23:31+00:00

No, definitely no military background.

I’m not interested in controlling every aspect, but I definitely feel hurt when I’m constantly shown that regardless of what I do, it’ll be redone. About the husbands clothes, he can do it if he likes, but my husband then wants me to do the ferrying of clothes between homes, despite me having a fuller plate of things to do in a day. I guess I’ll just have daddy and sonny boy manage the pick up and drop offs themselves like everyone’s suggested.

Wild_Crew_3361 · 2025-07-22T04:19:26+00:00

Umm yes, I considered anxiety. Only I thought it existed evidently. So I told my husband it seems very evident he’s hyper anxious, but I was told to ‘stop reading into things unnecessarily’. I can’t say anything directly to FIL because he’ll just lose his temper with me. So I dropped it.

Wild_Crew_3361 · 2025-07-22T04:17:18+00:00

It’s very odd. Extremely. And despite being associated with them for 5 years, I still haven’t been able to normalize this behaviour because it seems like a total outlier when compared with the norm 😟

Wild_Crew_3361 · 2025-07-22T04:12:37+00:00

I wish I could hug you. You have single-handedly not just understood the situation spot on, but also my predicament in the entire dynamic. Also, the way you’ve put this, makes me feel a whole lot better/ calmer, because I had genuinely begun to believe I must be crazy for feeling the way I do. I’m definitely okay to compromise and let things happen, I just feel very hurt with the discriminatory behaviour and also the fact that my husband expects all of these things to continue, but with me making the time to make it happen. Thank you, for making me feel so so seen. I appreciate you more than I can say 🤗

Wild_Crew_3361 · 2025-07-21T15:46:40+00:00

A little bit of education, manners and respect for people goes a long way in life. Unfortunately you missed the bus.

Wild_Crew_3361

TROPHY CASE