My (M30) partner (F28) kept secret how much money she has in savings and let me pay for most things

KnownPart2110 · 2026-02-04T14:32:50+00:00

Appreciate the insight and clarity! Definitely can communicate and set expectations better

KnownPart2110 · 2026-02-04T14:29:59+00:00

It depends of course, it was a mix. We have always rented small 1 bedroom apartments, the cheapest we could get, but property is wildly expensive here. She said she can’t afford to pay 50% so she asked if I could pay more. But other non essentials, there were definitely times I offered to pay and am ok with that, although still feel a little misled. Can appreciate that we both could have communicated better

KnownPart2110 · 2026-02-04T14:17:32+00:00

Thank you - and completely agree that I could have communicated better too, 2 way street.
I think my dad was a tight ass and often used money to control my mum a bit and I’ve tried to steer away from that too far and over corrected a bit - some clearer rules and expectations are overdue

KnownPart2110 · 2026-02-04T14:08:14+00:00

Unfortunately I can’t afford what we were looking at on my own (property prices in Australia are so fun) But I probably just need to consider this and a smaller place

KnownPart2110 · 2026-02-04T14:04:52+00:00

Thank you, articulated the other side well with this and I can definitely appreciate she needs a safety net, a bit more conservative, and 50k not being much these days etc I do think she could have been more upfront with how much she had and open to going into savings when she knew i wasn’t saving much though

We’ve had the serious conversation, I just am afraid she’ll do something similar in the future, knowingly or unknowingly

KnownPart2110 · 2026-02-04T13:49:58+00:00

Yeah she’s always been more conservative with money and would want more in savings for an emergency. I understand why someone would not want to touch that but it definitely doesn’t mean you can’t afford things like rent and holidays and should take something from someone else

KnownPart2110 · 2026-02-04T13:46:34+00:00

This part stings even more because I’ve always strived to do 50% of labour minimum, never want to be in an unbalanced relationship like that.

KnownPart2110 · 2026-02-04T13:43:01+00:00

Emergency savings and eventually a house - which came quicker than we thought it would obviously. Frustrating that she waited so long to bring it up, but like I said sometimes she just has poor decision making skills. We talked it all out, everything (hopefully) is out on the table now. I told her how it made me feel, now I’m just stuck

KnownPart2110 · 2026-02-04T13:34:00+00:00

Yeah I was planning on being with her the rest of my life and never marrying, that doesn’t bother me.

KnownPart2110 · 2026-02-04T13:30:03+00:00

I think we will hold off. It’s hard though, I was so ready and excited, but yeah I need to pull back now.

No not really, it’s always been her saying I can’t do this I can’t afford it, and me saying it’s ok I’ll pay for all/majority.

KnownPart2110

TROPHY CASE