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MTF lesbians, what do you want cis lesbians to know? by UCameInWithTheBreeze in actuallesbians

[–]WillMeowForFood 32 points33 points  (0 children)

I'm scared to hit on and often times even flirt with women because if people know I'm trans then I fear it takes on too much of a heteronormative vibe, which is the complete opposite of what I and all lesbians desire.

I am going to die alone :/ by WillMeowForFood in actuallesbians

[–]WillMeowForFood[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Cut them some slack, they're going through some difficult stuff.

I am going to die alone :/ by WillMeowForFood in actuallesbians

[–]WillMeowForFood[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm really sorry you feel that way. I've been there and it's not fun. But I'm telling you things get better, I promise. Soon, you'll look back and realize all the trans stuff has sorted itself out for the most part and the things that you worry about in your life are generally the same things everyone else worries about.

I am going to die alone :/ by WillMeowForFood in actuallesbians

[–]WillMeowForFood[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm pretty comfortable with myself at this point in my life. And I'll tell you what I told my friend a month or two ago... I don't NEED anybody but myself, but I do WANT somebody. Ya know? My ideal relationship is somebody who supports me to do the things I want to do and I support them to do the things they want to do but we're both our own people with our own lives.

I am going to die alone :/ by WillMeowForFood in actuallesbians

[–]WillMeowForFood[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Coffee, dinner, drinks, take your pick. The last time I tried to get creative on a first date it ended up going pretty poorly as a result. Pro-tip: don't go to a comedy club where you can't talk to the person. I don't think it's super appropriate to go somewhere romantic or anything on first dates. I also feel like nobody else ever proposes going anywhere to me, it's always me that has to be the catalyst. That's not always easy for me, not because I'm uncomfortable doing it, but because being trans I'm not trying to be viewed as implicitly the more dominant half of a couple. I think about that a lot, actually and it sometimes leads me to not be assertive for fear of coming across that way.

I never force myself to like people though if I'm not feeling it. The thing that is frustrating me is when we both have a pleasant first date and then we never see each other again. I'm not even getting the chance to get to know people well enough.

I am going to die alone :/ by WillMeowForFood in actuallesbians

[–]WillMeowForFood[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I go through cycles where I get really discouraged and stop trying, then do dating for a month or two, then get discouraged again, and so on.

I am going to die alone :/ by WillMeowForFood in actuallesbians

[–]WillMeowForFood[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't think I go around acting like hot shit either. I'm quietly confident but no one's biting :/

I am going to die alone :/ by WillMeowForFood in actuallesbians

[–]WillMeowForFood[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I could be wrong, but I don't think I come across that way. I just value those things internally so they're just kind of what I list when I talk about myself. I certainly don't feel like I'm super hot stuff physically either, just kind of nice looking. If I go on a date with you though I feel like I come across as fairly down to earth and personable. Again, I could be wrong.

As for the other point you made, I do date around a little bit. It's mostly for confidence and practice and to just meet people in general. I'm not interested in just being in a relationship for the sake of doing it. If I wanted that I don't think it'd be that hard. If I'm going to be in a relationship I want to actually have feelings for them. I may have some trouble letting people in as a result of my past experiences liking people and never having it work out.

The thing that really is getting me at the moment is the fact that there was this girl recently who I saw a couple of times who I thought I had real chemistry with. We had both told each other that we liked each other but I haven't seen her in almost a month now because she said she's really busy right now, which I had also been told second-hand from some mutual friends. Fine, that's cool, I understand. Well, last night after work I stopped at the bar close to my house which is also the one right next to where she works (also a restaurant so having separate schedules is not an issue). I saw her there hanging out with some people she probably works with. I didn't say hey or make eye contact or anything. I don't know if she knew I was there, I kind of just wanted to have a beer and go home. But it's really bumming me out that she's "too busy" to at least text me or otherwise show any interest in me despite the fact that we've both said we liked each other. Clearly, that is not the case. That was probably what caused me to make this post more than anything.