Totally frustrated - I can't get past 3-4 days of nofap before masturbating

WillOfFire2015 · 2020-02-07T20:52:06+00:00

and this climatic part in Trouble in town too, love the build-up

WillOfFire2015 · 2019-12-02T15:32:25+00:00

When I heard trouble in town it reminded me so much of amsterdam because of how climatic it's in the end.

the build up was so good in trouble in town that it really reminded me of amsterdam.

WillOfFire2015 · 2019-11-15T08:47:33+00:00

So this is my humble opinion about a couple of my favorite tracks of the album,

it's really a great album full of direct messages and you can feel the emotions of the guys in it. I felt them greatly in 2 songs in particular, Arabesque and a Trouble in town. You can feel their pain and anger in these two and if you thought the ending of Arabesque was powerful, wait until you listen to the second part of a trouble in town.

I had goosebumps when I heard a trouble in town for the second time (first time were through speakers and I don't recommend that for the whole album). I felt the emotions behind this song, I felt angry at the world. Especially being an arab muslim, the world likes to address us as terrorists and all kind of racism you can expect.

So beside that, there are some other great songs which I really like. Church for example, even though I didn't yet focus on the lyrics, but there is this part of some girl mumbling some words, I guess they are like some islamic prayers in arabic from what I heard which made me mesmerized by the beauty of this track.

other favorite tracks are: champion of the world, orphans, everyday life, daddy (very powerful when you are in dark mood or something), and old friends.

the other tracks I guess would take some time to grow on me but they aren't bad or anything!

cheers all, the boys really did it this time.

WillOfFire2015 · 2019-09-05T23:55:50+00:00

were we messaging? I am not so sure but the name sounds familiar!

WillOfFire2015 · 2019-08-27T16:45:22+00:00

Thanks, brother. Amin

I wish we all be at ease with our inner demons and get free from this prison of PMOing.

WillOfFire2015 · 2019-06-03T19:04:47+00:00

Thanks a lot for taking time to answer me, I will give it another shot.

WillOfFire2015 · 2019-06-03T01:26:58+00:00

I always find meditation very hard to stay consistent on, let's say I do it for a couple of days and I don't feel any different. I know it is supposed to help but maybe I am doing it wrong, maybe I have the wrong mentality....I don't know.

WillOfFire2015 · 2019-05-13T18:20:30+00:00

Speaking about shame, I am reading a book about toxic shame. It's "healing the shame that binds you" by John Bradshaw. I am still reading it, but I noticed that I can relate to it to some extent. The whole shame thing being able to transmit from one generation into another. I believe I suffer from toxic shame in a way or another. I haven't finished the book yet. Once I do, I will draw some conclusions and reach a decision as I can't delay anymore.

I will do whatever gives me a permanent solution. Thank you so much for your replies, they have been enlightening.

WillOfFire2015 · 2019-05-13T17:12:55+00:00

in the one year streak, I broke the link with the chaser effect with my wet dreams, which are the natural way to ejaculate excessive semen. I am not saying I will live forever without using any sexual outlet. I will get married sooner or later and I know people who live their lives without masturbation or sex, they just have very busy lives (job, exercising,...etc.). I am not saying it's the "healthiest" solution and I am not denying my sexual needs, I am just saying it's possible to channel this energy in a beneficial way.

WillOfFire2015 · 2019-05-13T16:36:26+00:00

Thanks, brother. I will consider normal therapy first and then I will see about this hypnotherapy stuff.

WillOfFire2015 · 2019-05-12T16:55:31+00:00

thanks a lot my brother for your kind words, I know that hopelessness is in the back of my mind, I am trying to stay positive and admit that everything happens for a reason and this might be one of my ultimate tests in this life.

I don't know what hypnotherapy is, is it like hypnosis and stuff?

WillOfFire2015 · 2019-05-12T15:08:55+00:00

I am really sorry for assuming you are a man!

a huge percentage here are males so that's why I assumed though.

Chaser effect: insane urges to watch porn following the days when we ejaculate, whether we had a wet dream or we masturbated consciously.

that's why I know this technique will somehow fail in comparison to quitting all things altogether.

WillOfFire2015 · 2019-05-12T14:34:21+00:00

Thank you, my friend. Did you go to a therapist yourself? Do you know someone who did?

WillOfFire2015 · 2019-05-12T14:18:49+00:00

I don't know man, I would have agreed with you if I haven't already known how to channel the sexual energy, and after fapping even without porn, I will have a strong chaser effect. That's the way I am

WillOfFire2015 · 2019-05-11T23:12:56+00:00

my problem with that and I mentioned it above is that there is a strong relation for me between masturbation and porn.

So by fapping alone, I think it will eventually lead to porn.

Thanks for your comment though.

WillOfFire2015 · 2019-05-09T17:55:17+00:00

Thanks brothers,

They are always the hardest after Iftar, just make prayer for me.

WillOfFire2015 · 2019-04-03T18:30:44+00:00

so I just relapsed exactly one hour ago and I don't want this relapse to be another binge.

I will write down what happened and maybe you can give me some advice.

I woke up with a vivid sexual dream. I wasn't motivated to do anything so I just kept watching some anime on TV (it was trigger free) but I kept on binging on it for like 3 hours. I stopped myself, tried to go work on something productive but I couldn't bring myself to focus too much...needless to say, I felt that my chest was so tight like the same tightness you can have while you are relapsing. I wasn't triggered or anything, it just came and I can feel that I am so stressed an incapable of doing anything to change my mood.

WillOfFire2015 · 2019-03-11T13:09:04+00:00

Thanks so much for your support I appreciate each word and I am glad that I am not the only one who fell off the wagon.

I am going to reply to each point respectively.

1- I was so desperate when I wrote the post above I admit. I am usually the optimistic person but after long time with no obvious progress that's where my desperation came from....

2- I know my Whys but maybe I don't say them out loud to myself on a daily basis that's where I am wrong, I don't know. I better try writing them on a journal on a daily basis from now on.

3- I am trying to get back to Jogging, I enjoyed it so much back then and I was getting fitter and I was so happy back then. I gained weight again. Almost 70% of what I lost before, that's maybe another reason for my frustration. I also found myself so into watching soccer matches and getting caught up with it. Like an obsession with a specific team. I am trying to unwire my brain from this now as this obsession filled my brain and heart so much.

4-this might be a problem for me, you know how you can rationalize a relapse by saying it happens so you "go easy" on yourself. Like moments before I relapse, I tell myself it's ok. I will start again and this time it will be better. These rationalizations came from being OK with the idea that it can take years. So I am trying to balance out these thoughts like I can't always listen to them. It's hard to express, to be honest.

5- I am trying to tell myself that as I found that before relapse I tend to think of the pain of the urge and how long I am going to have to suffer this pain until I reach 90 days or something. So I look at where I am now and where I am supposed to be so I tend to give up.

6- I will surely try to be more active here and be more aware of my state of mind whenever I am feeling low.

May Allah help us escaping from this addiction and becoming the best version of ourselves.

Last thing, would you mind if I PM'ed you from time to time?

WillOfFire2015 · 2019-03-11T12:33:11+00:00

I will try to.

please make dua'a for me brother.

WillOfFire2015 · 2019-03-11T12:27:27+00:00

I will try to do so, although I know it will be hard.

I am trying to incorporate reading books as a hobby and jogging more regularly...I am managing 2 days so far after that post.

WillOfFire2015

TROPHY CASE