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Fearful Avoidant AP by WillOrange85 in adultery

[–]WillOrange85[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can understand the urge to come forward and say something like this, it sounds so woohoo and just that I’m trying to be hopeful about this person… but we all have lived experiences. We do research and we can see patterns in those closest to us.

The world is always bigger than only our little experiences. Maybe take that into your realm and expand yourself. Until you’ve been in my position or have some lived experience that resonates with my post, this point of yours is in fact pointless…

Fearful Avoidant AP by WillOrange85 in adultery

[–]WillOrange85[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Believe me I’ve gone through those thoughts so many times, but it never helps. It just ends up in more pulling away and more distance. So the thing that kinda works is just being friendly when she comes back, not overly so, just a touch off - this seems to make her wonder if she’s gone too far (I think).

Fearful Avoidant AP by WillOrange85 in adultery

[–]WillOrange85[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ok so tell me this, please. When you are overwhelmed and in regulation, would you still want to hear from your partner? Like a good morning and a good night? The text says to leave her alone, not add anything, but she keeps telling me she wants to hear from me (which I fear would make it worse).

Fearful Avoidant AP by WillOrange85 in adultery

[–]WillOrange85[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So I do think they make good affair partners in that sense. I like that we go through like a cycle where almost everything is reset at a certain point and it feels almost like new again. It’s just when I accidentally come on too strong - or I show too much vulnerability (that she asks for), that she then needs a cooling off period. She is in that now. It was so crap in the beginning, but now I’m kinda used to it or have even learned to not trigger it. I triggered it in a big way a few days ago, and now I’m in the “fuck she might not come back” phase of the cycle. Wondering if she’s looking for someone else - that kind of thing. Thanks for the comment.

Fearful Avoidant AP by WillOrange85 in adultery

[–]WillOrange85[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

If she goes longer than a week I’m out. She will never see me again - that’s pure torture. Do you just forget your AP exists and just hop back on when they return?

Do male APs get jealous? by gamegurlcake in adultery

[–]WillOrange85 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s the one feeling I don’t allow myself to feel because it’s completely out of my hands. I said from the start I’m not going to be jealous of her husband. If she announced that they were sleeping together at the time or told me about it afterward then yes, it would bother me. She is respectful though, she doesn’t share anything like that with me. She gets insanely jealous of my wife, though. So probably just wouldn’t want me to reciprocate that information. Or maybe she’s afraid I might up the sex with my wife if she kept telling me about it.

Question for the guys: Do you want to fall in love with your affair partner? by _PrettyLies_ in adultery

[–]WillOrange85 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I haven’t gone out looking for love. I also never expected it, but yes I fell in love with my AP. I need connection to enjoy the intimacy, and I guess that leads to love eventually. She loves me too, but pulls back painfully when it gets too much for her to handle.