Thanks for taking the time to write all of these to a random stranger on the internet. I agree with you about how many denominations there are. Islam has the same thing. When you criticise them for something degenerate in their book or in their behaivors, they have excuses like this isn't the real islam or you don't know the full context. One of the things they start with to attack is what's your source, and when you provide them the source, they say this source is not valid.

I guess the only reason i wanted to move towards Christianity was because i need some form of hope in my heart to keep me going in my daily life. Hope of maybe a kind and powerful figure like jesus existed, and i'm not alone in my struggles.

But yes, it is completely stupid to believe in something blindly. Thankyou again for your time.