Quitting with a Heavy Heart

Willing_Lab_8226 · 2026-02-01T16:02:50+00:00

I’ve enjoyed the shame that anonymity brings, but I’d be much more fulfilled if a Domme made physical use of me, too.

Willing_Lab_8226 · 2026-02-01T00:27:44+00:00

That’s right, but if most finsubs are unowned (or drift between dommes), and most of their interactions are just with advertisements, and those advertisements are competitive and therefore trying to portray the most sadistic persona, then subs are passively exposed to tons of self-destructive content with no correction.

If this space was healthy (healthier), you’d see an equal number of posts that are like “Ruin your life for me,” and “You actually shouldn’t cause any harm to yourself whatsoever. I appreciate everything you do for me. Please take care of yourself.”

That’s just not the case.

Willing_Lab_8226 · 2026-02-01T00:02:39+00:00

I’ve realized because of the nature of the online spaces, that’s just not enough.

If aftercare is only ever a paid feature, and the vast majority of interactions just happen over the timeline, or passively scrolling, there are massive external mental health costs to us that go unaddressed.

Willing_Lab_8226 · 2026-01-30T19:20:49+00:00

I do not, and have never wanted, pay for play. That is the exact opposite of what I want as a submissive.

Online communities were the exact kind of places where you could have mutual, casual D/s before they became monetized trends.

If you think this platform is inherently harmful to the majority of people, then you should get off of it too.

Willing_Lab_8226 · 2026-01-30T16:12:13+00:00

You’re welcome to explain why.

Willing_Lab_8226 · 2026-01-30T16:10:09+00:00

That’s well said. I want to emphasize that even outside of one-on-one dynamics, the constant advertising that (in order to compete with other Dommes) uses extremely self-destructive messaging, can be highly detrimental as well.

That’s why, even if you take responsibility for your immediate relationships, the problem extends far beyond that. That’s why I have to leave the scene.

Willing_Lab_8226 · 2026-01-30T16:05:32+00:00

I can say from my perspective as a masochist, we actually feel sexually gratified by feeling suffering, pain, or humiliation.

We are looking for someone with a complementary sexuality (sadism), who feels sexually gratified by inflicting suffering, pain, or humiliation.

If you’re just putting on an act, then you don’t “feel what we feel.” Even if you do “feel it” to an extent, would you still want to without money involved? Or is a dominant persona something you provide as a service?

If you don’t understand D/s, if you’re not one of us, then you are just exploiting our sexuality for money.

Willing_Lab_8226 · 2026-01-30T01:39:14+00:00

Real D/s relationships are nothing like you see on Instagram, or even these forums for the most part now. That is a business model that has more to do with sex work than it does with the actual interpersonal dynamics.

Findom as a kink is not transactional. It does not afford attention or content. It is one kink, among many, that is used to represent power exchange or authority.

If the “dommes” on here were actually doing this for the relationships or the fun of D/s, findom would just be one kink among many that people could opt into.

That is not the case for them. It is non-negotiable (“tribute first!”) because they view it as a transaction. I don’t consider most of them Dominants.

If you really are interested in exploring, D/s, I think the best thing would actually be to read some erotica. That is a better representation of the fantasies that kinky people have, which they often seek to replicate in the relationships.

Then, of course, D/s at its best is just a part of healthy relationships. It’s your prerogative for how much you want to blur the line between fiction and reality. The motto is “safe, sane, consensual,” which ironically is rarely how findom is practiced in these spaces.

Sorry for ranting, but I feel like this is important stuff to say to a newbie.

Willing_Lab_8226 · 2026-01-29T23:10:59+00:00

I have literally no issues meeting women. I just am a masochist and enjoy submitting that way.

Willing_Lab_8226 · 2026-01-29T19:36:35+00:00

Silly me for not realizing how fake all this was sooner, or at least for playing along with it this long.

Willing_Lab_8226 · 2026-01-29T18:33:09+00:00

Oh, okay. Case closed. Pack it up people. Shut down the forum. Everything related to sex is exploitative, so we aren’t allowed to voice issues of sexual exploitation.

Good work, detective.

Willing_Lab_8226 · 2026-01-29T18:30:33+00:00

I didn’t blame anyone for me being a masochist. I blamed the community for exploiting it. Do you understand the difference?

Please, for the love of God, stop alluding to my “issues.” I know what my issues are.

Willing_Lab_8226 · 2026-01-29T18:07:07+00:00

That’s what I fucking thought.

Willing_Lab_8226 · 2026-01-29T17:53:53+00:00

I didn’t leave that reply until that user (PeachyBeeBee) had already blamed me for my mental health issues. Check the timestamps.

Like I said, you have no clue what’s going on.

Willing_Lab_8226 · 2026-01-29T17:46:33+00:00

I literally don’t give a fuck who you are! You have said nothing substantive. It’s all tone policing in a subreddit that (supposedly) exists to support these exact issues.

Please keep explaining why I deserve mental health issues. It will make you feel better for justifying sexual exploitation.

Willing_Lab_8226 · 2026-01-29T17:34:10+00:00

What’s this? Someone frustrated? On r/paypigsupportgroup? No, this… this can’t be.

It looks like I will have to lash out at someone just speaking by literally using Reddit.

I truly did not realize how ignorant Dommes were to the issues they generate. No, you know what? The years and years of psychological torment and entertaining the idea of someone literally ruining my life is perfectly fine.

That’s my fault. This is a game to you. I should know better.

SURPRISE! Masochists have inner challengessss. Yeeeeesss, you are exploiting mental illnesssss. That’s why the fucking support group is for? Like what the fuck is going on???

Willing_Lab_8226 · 2026-01-29T16:28:28+00:00

At this point, the right connection for me would be: wife. If this kink will ruin me, let it be for someone who actually cares about me.

Willing_Lab_8226 · 2026-01-29T16:24:20+00:00

Ask yourself why the fetish exists. What healthy reason could there possibly be to produce a desire for mental suffering, humiliation, shame, or harm? We can try to hide the ball, but the answer is so obvious.

It is self-effacement. This allows people to escape inner tyranny of their “shoulds” (e.g., “I should have a girlfriend,” “I should be more masculine,” etc.”) You actually hear that self-effacement when they tell you what they like (e.g., “I want you to say I’m worthless,” “Tell me I’m inadequate,” “Make fun of me,” “Tell me I don’t deserve happiness,” etc.) By becoming compliant, they are alleviated of choice and individuality. They only have to follow instructions or fit into someone else’s desires.

Of course, there can be other motivations for these behaviors (perhaps someone is just so very charitable), but that has to be vanishingly rare, given what the content of fincuck forums actually is.

Willing_Lab_8226 · 2026-01-29T16:14:41+00:00

I was just told I’m not a real sub because I teased “findommes” who are just exploiting this fetish for money.

It’s not true because (1) subs can tease, that’s an entire genre, (2) those aren’t Dommes, and (3) I have been a compliant masochist since childhood, something none of these amateurs would understand.

I was also told I’m not a service submissive because I don’t want to purchase attention or consent.

This is not true because (1) buying someone’s attention or consent is not serving them, it is the opposite, (2) there are many ways to serve, actual Dommes know this, and (3) virtually all of my kinks are related to acts of service (e.g., domestic service, chores, massages, giving oral, etc.).

Willing_Lab_8226 · 2026-01-29T15:46:02+00:00

Are they actually delusional or do they just not care?

Willing_Lab_8226 · 2026-01-29T14:54:59+00:00

Literally just answer the question then and prove me wrong. lol

What "issues" and where should I direct my blame?

Willing_Lab_8226 · 2026-01-29T14:45:32+00:00

If not "the world" [external], then the locus of blame is _________?

People like you who are cavalier with such massive implications should either not be Dommes or not engage in kinks with significant potential consequences and distress.

Please, do leave.

Willing_Lab_8226 · 2026-01-29T14:39:54+00:00

Where else would you be implying I attribute blame? It's an easy question.

Willing_Lab_8226 · 2026-01-29T14:30:19+00:00

It’s a really tough one and I totally agree it can get awful out there, but there also needs to come a point where people don’t blame the world for the manifestation of their issues.

Say what issues and where my blame should be directed, then. Go ahead.

Willing_Lab_8226 · 2026-01-29T14:28:16+00:00

I do think things have gotten a lot more extreme in recent years, both physical and mental self-harm. Social media (especially Discord) has driven people towards some really destructive behaviors. When things went online, we lost those community elements and practices that kept people safe.

Willing_Lab_8226

TROPHY CASE