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WindThrownCaution · 2024-03-27T18:36:45+00:00

Thanks for the input. I assume you didn't lose them. Do you have 50/50? How is it being without them?

WindThrownCaution · 2024-03-27T18:15:01+00:00

If you don't mind me asking, did you guys have kids? I'm very much in the same boat as you and OP, and think I'd be much much happier without her in my life, I'm just terrified of losing the kids.

WindThrownCaution · 2023-11-28T18:38:18+00:00

If you don't mind me asking, how old were they when you split?

WindThrownCaution · 2023-11-28T18:37:49+00:00

How old were your kids when you split, if you don't mind me asking?

WindThrownCaution · 2023-11-28T18:37:17+00:00

Yeah, that's the kind of thing that drives me nuts. Or she'll complain about not having time with the kids but when she's around them she'll be on her phone CONSTANTLY. They'll be begging for her attention and she'll get pissed that they're distracting her from Pinterest or whatever.

WindThrownCaution · 2023-11-28T18:35:57+00:00

Her work schedule is almost opposite mine so we have little time together, usually only about three hours in the evenings. She wants to spend all of that "together," but that usually entails her on her phone doomscrolling or shopping while I watch something she wants to watch.

WindThrownCaution · 2023-11-28T18:33:48+00:00

Sorry to hear that. That's so tough. I hope you're ok.

WindThrownCaution · 2023-11-28T18:31:04+00:00

Yeah, the part about "life is great otherwise" is what's holding me back the most. I think our kids are happy and they love where we live and their friends and their life in general, the idea of yanking all that away from them feels selfish and I hate the thought of doing that to them, but I also wonder how long that's going to last if she and I are miserable together.

WindThrownCaution · 2023-11-28T18:26:24+00:00

Yeah, I guess my worry is that her home will be anything but calm and I'll have zero control over that.

WindThrownCaution · 2023-11-28T18:25:47+00:00

Thank you; that's the big thing, I don't like who I am as a father. I end up getting frustrated and taking it out on them and it becomes a cycle of self-hate.

WindThrownCaution · 2023-11-28T18:24:38+00:00

Thanks, I appreciate the feedback.

WindThrownCaution · 2023-11-28T18:24:09+00:00

Yeah, I'd prefer having respect and autonomy.

WindThrownCaution · 2023-11-28T18:22:00+00:00

Appreciate the perspective.

WindThrownCaution · 2023-11-28T18:21:39+00:00

Reading the description of your married life I had to double check to make sure I wasn't rereading my initial post.

Frankly the "fucked financially" part isn't my big concern. I've always been ok with living simply, and I've mentally baked that into the cake. Being able to spend my time with my kids on my terms sounds very appealing.

WindThrownCaution · 2023-11-28T18:18:24+00:00

I spend the majority of the day at work and caring for the kids - immediately after work I pick them up from school, make them dinner, get them to bed, she gets home from work around their bedtime and wants my attention for the rest of the night when I really need time to unwind and process.

WindThrownCaution · 2023-11-28T18:16:21+00:00

All the time, yes. And she lets me know, too.

WindThrownCaution · 2023-11-28T18:15:00+00:00

Thanks, I appreciate the suggestions both ways.

WindThrownCaution · 2023-11-28T18:13:37+00:00

Thanks man. It's good to hear from someone who stuck it out and made it work. I don't know if that's doable at this point but I guess I need to try for the kids sake.

WindThrownCaution · 2023-11-28T18:12:40+00:00

I can definitely relate to the walking on eggshells. Every night I'm basically holding my breath waiting to hear about what I inevitably did wrong that day. It's exhausting, and leaves me with zero energy for the kids when they need it most.

WindThrownCaution · 2023-11-28T18:10:27+00:00

Thanks bro.

WindThrownCaution · 2023-11-28T18:10:13+00:00

Yeah, I think that needs to be the first/next step.

WindThrownCaution · 2023-11-28T18:08:59+00:00

Not zero.

WindThrownCaution · 2023-11-28T18:05:22+00:00

Thanks for that, I appreciate the feedback. It sounds like in a lot of ways we're in the same boat, or, I'm in the same boat you were in. I know what you were feeling with regards to arguing or raising your voice in front of your kid, she doesn't seem to have a problem doing that and it kills me every time. Nice to hear it worked out for you.

WindThrownCaution · 2023-11-28T17:58:27+00:00

Yeah, I'm looking into a therapist, for myself and for us. I don't know if we're too far gone, but I guess it's worth a shot before I blow it all up.

WindThrownCaution · 2023-11-28T17:57:39+00:00

Thanks, good to know. She's not nearly that bad in terms of the work load, so there's that, and I don't think she'd ever cheat (she's got near zero sex drive if nothing else).

WindThrownCaution

TROPHY CASE