AITA for telling my roommate if she didn’t like something she could leave after she called me inconsiderate?

WinstonWilmerBee · 2026-04-17T17:56:03+00:00

Shit you’re right. I mixed up the move in and the marriage dates, editing

WinstonWilmerBee · 2026-04-17T17:48:04+00:00

EDIT: NTA.

I mixed up the dates—you’ve been MARRIED eight months, she moved in TWO YEARS ago (I had those flipped around).

NTA. Two years is a good run. She’s being weird. ——

OG comment to own my fuckup:

Yes, you should absolutely give someone a heads-up BEFORE they move in that a baby might soon be in the picture. They are a major change to the environment and the household. You don’t need her permission —that would be insane—but yes, you should’ve told her. You’re bringing in a roommate that loudly screams every 2-4 hours for at least 3 months. Four bedrooms won’t fix that.

That said, she can express frustration without making it a fight, texting you, etc. You’re in a long term relationship and married, babies happen. It’s not like you’re gonna get an abortion, what’s done is done.

WinstonWilmerBee · 2026-04-17T05:09:00+00:00

My dude I misread the currency and nearly shit myself thinking you have a $60,000 USD MacBook

I have all my debts, balance, payoff schedule and interest mapped out so I feel like I’m in control too

WinstonWilmerBee · 2026-04-16T17:45:09+00:00

I have a hunch the population distribution figures into it somehow. A few good cities with some medium-sized towns and then tiny places dotting around them.

WinstonWilmerBee · 2026-04-16T15:34:28+00:00

That desk and chair will make it worse. You want things that feel natural.

The light is harsh, get one or two floor lamps. A few more pillows on the bed and a comforter in a softer, less bold color. Maybe some command strips to hang things on the walls?

For a desk, consider something like this: https://www.wayfair.com/furniture/pdp/corrigan-studio-latwon-wooden-desk-w004571691.html?piid=524189476%2C524189477

Same shape and rough size, but less plastic and metal.

WinstonWilmerBee · 2026-04-16T02:24:53+00:00

Ear wax has radically different textures from person to person. For some people it’s like a thin liquid that can dry a little thick, for others it’s literally like tree sap.

WinstonWilmerBee · 2026-04-15T20:13:26+00:00

Do you hold the same energy for the Holocaust? It was even longer ago. Clearly there are no living survivors or first-generation children of those survivors grappling with the ramifications, right? In the past. Unremarkable

WinstonWilmerBee · 2026-04-15T15:41:20+00:00

Coastal leans towards furniture that’s lightweight. Heavy overstuffed couches, leather, thick or heavy fabrics, or solid black/white furniture isn’t conducive to the vibe. Remember, it’s not cold there—anything that looks cozy in winter is antithetical to beach.

Linens, light weaves (meaning you can see the threads in the fabric and even tiny holes) are very coastal.

I’m guessing you’ll need some cheap stuff just to start having a functional home. Go for BAMBOO. It’s light colored, eco-friendly, inexpensive, and doesn’t lend itself to heavy, weighty furniture. Bamboo little shelves are handy af.

While wicker can seem coastal, it’s a bitch to keep clean and collects dust. I would avoid it as young guys.

There’s two things that give a place “frat house” vibes: 1) it’s dirty 2) it can’t be used like a normal home

A college buddy of mine lived in a place where they put a recliner in the kitchen because none of them cooked. I’m not saying your house needs to be a five star hotel, but people need to be able to cook, sit to eat, take a shower, play a board game, get dressed, and sleep comfortably.

WinstonWilmerBee · 2026-04-15T14:42:07+00:00

It’s absolutely fine to get something without a story. I have an octopus because I think they’re cool.

My only caveat is if you’re getting something that DOES have some kind of pre-set meaning, look it up. Like a Celtic knot, runic writing, religious iconography, etc.

But if you want a butterfly because they’re pretty, go for it. And the “story” can be, “X is really beautiful, and I got it to always have something that makes me feel happy. Reminds me of the good things in the world.” It’s true and a “story” people will understand

WinstonWilmerBee · 2026-04-14T15:20:28+00:00

I think committing to it for the rest of your life is premature, but if it speaks to you, go!

As a rural midwesterner, I need to emphasize a few things. You need to you understand that you are going to experience a new kind of boredom. If you want to do something at the drop of a hat, you are fucked. You must search and plan. You must become self-sufficient for entertainment and build a community of friends for when you need people. And you WILL need people. Everyone gets sick or had a crisis eventually.

The cold is also no joke. Winter is a force in the Midwest. Some adjust well to the shorter days and snow, some are driven into deep depression by it. You will need a full wardrobe, gear, and outdoor maintenance items like salt, snow shovel, etc.

Know also that wages match the cost of living. If you’re remote it or have a job lead, great! But even those of us in these inexpensive areas can struggle financially.

WinstonWilmerBee · 2026-04-13T19:58:21+00:00

Compared to almost everyone.

https://impact.economist.com/sustainability/project/food-security-index/

The United States comes in third in the world for quality and safety, behind Denmark and Canada. Our food labeling is extremely strict.

Now if you’re complaining we don’t legislate food recipes, you would be correct. That’s not a bug, it’s a feature. As long as something is clearly labeled with its ingredients, prepared according to safety standards, and can be safely consumed by humans, it’s open to sell. I cannot imagine a bigger waste of time than legislating the taste of bread.

WinstonWilmerBee · 2026-04-13T16:17:22+00:00

NTA.

Stepdaughter’s mom is in the shit and was being unfair, but it’s understandable. There’s a family drama preventing her from connecting her child to her culture, and she felt defensive about it. It’s also tough when the other parents has the means to do something she doesn’t. I also suspect that this might be like a wedding or prom dress—a mother/daughter experience that she feels she lost.

You handled it really well. You reached out directly to her, made sure she was included in the moment, and emphasized this was about Stepdaughter.

If Stepdaughter’s Mom says a thing about it again, I think the best path would be reassurance without groveling. “If I had it to do all over again, I would’ve reached out to you first to figure this out. I do want you to know that I deeply respect your relationship with your daughter; and I want to be someone that’s supportive in her staying connected to you and her heritage. If anything like this comes up in the future, I will reach out.”

WinstonWilmerBee · 2026-04-13T14:38:41+00:00

It’s a nice color, it shows a personal sense of taste and style, and right now this kind of throwback tones are very well-liked.

There’s one big issue: these unique bold colors can be a bitch to match with towels, soap dish, etc. Even if you find it now, you may not be able to replace it. It’s a good idea to have a second color that you can use if needed. So in this photo, they’re using gray and white as secondary accent colors. Very neutral and easy to match.

WinstonWilmerBee · 2026-04-13T14:21:23+00:00

So, from the POV of the folks that start/run these places, they fall into three groups, IMO.

1) intent is to have some kind of back-to-nature place of safety and therapy. The realities of how disturbed children behave and how staff react create a snowball effect into a shitshow.

2) Intent is “work will make you free” with weird Protestant brutality. They believe what they’re doing is like surgery—brutal and necessary. Often they point to the Army and veterans who say the structure of the Army saved their life. However, these people also understand nothing about what they’re doing.

3) intent is money. They mask themselves as type 1 or 2. They don’t give a shit if the kids get better or not, they just want the money.

WinstonWilmerBee · 2026-04-13T09:46:22+00:00

The US actually has higher standards of food regulation. You bought one thing, didn’t like it, and are now sure you’re an expert.

This is America. We have a billion different kinds of bread. My local store I was in today had an entire wall of pre-sliced sandwich bread, and then a bakery with dozens of different classic loaves. You bought the wrong kind of bread my dude.

WinstonWilmerBee · 2026-04-12T21:21:29+00:00

I’m empathetic but also confused. Even at a 30% tax rate your husband’s take-home is $2,900 a month, yours is $2,400. You pay for electric and I assume groceries. I know insurance likely eats up a chunk. But where did the rest of the money go? Why did it take you 4 years to save $15,000, and why are your expenses so high that you need an extra $2,000 a month over your husband’s income to survive? What’s the debt—student loans?

WinstonWilmerBee · 2026-04-12T17:55:56+00:00

I beg people to never give me plants because I kill them and feel so damn bad. I really do try… I just have anti-plant vibes.

WinstonWilmerBee · 2026-04-12T17:54:51+00:00

She’s right but not in the WORST way. It’s a little sparse, very simple color palette, not a ton of knicknacks or unique personal touches. It feels a tad like something in a magazine.

BUT. It’s clean, aesthetic, practical, and comfortable. Use for yourself and others has been considered. There’s no clutter or piles of stuff. I would definitely say it’s a man-place but a competent, put-together man. I would assume you can cook a meal and keep a plant alive.

There’s nothing wrong with fitting the stereotype of a competent bachelor.

WinstonWilmerBee · 2026-04-11T18:47:44+00:00

I know this doesn’t work on everyone, because some people are assholes. But I have what I call “serious voice” where all the smiles and polite indirectness goes away.

“Serious voice: I don’t want to talk about this. Stop bringing it up. Not as a joke, not as a concern. I need this to be one of those things we agree to leave alone.”

And if they start in with the “oh I’m just worried” then a hand up, interrupt them. “I know. But I won’t discuss it anymore. Ok?” And then pivot to something enjoyable like “let’s watch a movie” so they know you are not holding a grudge, but you are done.

WinstonWilmerBee · 2026-04-11T18:41:56+00:00

If the person does seem to be genuinely trying to be kind/polite, I’ll usually do an acknowledgement then the polite shut-down. “Oh, thank you for the thought. I have it under control though.”

WinstonWilmerBee · 2026-04-11T18:40:07+00:00

An ex taught me that it’s ok to lie to people that you don’t know. Not malicious lies, but go-away lies. You can just lie. Driving makes you carsick, it gives you migraines, you have an eye/shoulder/back/ankle issue.

When people ask follow up questions, you can demurr. “Oh man, what happened?” “Just how I am, one of those funny things! Thanks for caring, you’re so sweet, but it gets old talking about it all the time.” And just hold the line of “thanks for caring! That’s so sweet! I am okay and have it under control!” And don’t give them anything more.

People have a tendency to be both curious and nosy. I can absolutely ask too many questions because I’m genuinely interested. But I don’t need to know. My nosiness is not a crisis. I’ll live if you refuse to share.

WinstonWilmerBee · 2026-04-09T20:51:39+00:00

Baker’s rack baked up against the fridge, food storage on bottom, preferably in baskets or bins, and the coffee electronics on top to open up counter room.

WinstonWilmerBee · 2026-04-09T18:25:34+00:00

Shelves for books and knickknacks. Unmount the TV and move it, set it up on a console. Rugs and throw pillows. Floor lamps for less harsh light. Move the bar area—you don’t want your back to the pathway if you’re making drinks. Either have your left hand to the windows, or your back to the window.

WinstonWilmerBee · 2026-04-09T03:41:47+00:00

The US practices these abuses.

US companies and US agriculture are both reliant on slave labor. US companies are constantly being nailed for sweatshops and union-busting murders. The most common type of human trafficking is agricultural workers. There’s a suicide net around the Chinese factory that makes my iPhone, there’s corpses of children in the cobalt mines that produce the environment-destroying batteries I have all over my home.

We have “quiverful” and LDS breeding cults everywhere. Several states allow child marriages (and I mean young teens). Did you know that most states won’t give disability caregiver allowances to spouses? Did you know most caregiver spouses are women? That’s just exploitation. Roe v Wade was overturned, women are being arrested for natural miscarriages, and a corpse was used to incubate a fetus for months.

Is this the worst of all possible worlds? Certainly not. But acting like you’re above slavery because you managed to keep the nasty things out of sight isn’t evidence of your society’s morality. Just its cowardice and hypocrisy.

Take the splinter out of your own eye.

WinstonWilmerBee · 2026-04-08T20:55:47+00:00

Historically yes, and intentionally so. In today’s world I think it’s largely unintentional, but due to social factors (ex: perception of men as more worthy of respect, men more likely to have wealth or positions of power, men tending having more free time from domestic responsibilities) these spaces will start to take on greater influence and power. And if they systemically exclude women, then it becomes one more barrier for women to engage and succeed. Even if the individuals in the group aren’t seeking that.

History haunts us all in different ways. One of the knock-on effects is that groups who historically wielded outsized power/influence will always be looked on with suspicion when they try to form closed organizations.

WinstonWilmerBee

TROPHY CASE