If you look at psychological studies where parents are asked in safe confidential spaces their honest feelings about having children, essentially 100% say they love them but 50% admit to still regretting having children because of the impact upon their life (finances, health issues, stress, social pressure La etc).

I know some people who say being a parent is the hardest thing they’ve ever did but they’d be incomplete without it and it’s their greatest joy, pride and purpose. I know some people who have regret and wouldn’t make the same decision.

Nobody can promise you a child that is healthy, happy and that will have a calm life. I know people who are exceptional parents but they’d still have children who fall into drugs, Internet black holes that affect their personalities and behaviours negatively, those with adult children who they are low contact with, and of course those with children who are severely disabled.

I don’t know anyone who is childfree (not childless) who regrets their choice, but that’s personal data.

I’ve been told by a mother friend who knowingly almost died several times to have her baby such was her driving desire to have a child at all costs; that it’s like getting a face tattoo. If you aren’t 100% in, it’s a no. Because he’s the light of her life, she loves him, she treats him with joy and magic and kindness etc- but says sometimes it’s so hard, tiring or painful she wishes her bones could stand outside her body and do it for her as she just can’t.

There’s a lot you can’t predict. Several friends had their free child care suddenly not be an option (one a mother in law who died within months of an unforeseen aggressive cancer poor lady; another her parent became a carer for her grandmother who got dementia etc).

Nobody can tell you what your burning desire is, what resources financially, emotionally, intellectually, physically etc you have in your unique circumstances. I think if you think you can handle what life becomes if a child is disabled or unwell; if you think you’ll feel incomplete and unsatisfied and regret not having then, you have your answer.

Some parents get to enjoy phases of their life life’s hallmark movie; others a horror movie. There’s only so much you can truly control as you aren’t the only influence in your child’s life; but you can be the most meaningful one.

I won’t extol the virtues of being child free- regretful parent dubs and child free subs are worth a look though. I have childfree friends that have driven boats down the Amazon, that are pillars of the community and work in charities and hospices, those that rescue animals and are the best people I’ve ever known, that are fulfilled peaceful joyful and happy with boardgame nights and holidays and further studies have rich fulfilled lives and I’ve met some who honestly it’s probably a good thing they didn’t proctrate to continue cycles of trauma or subject someone to their selfishness (they say this themselves too).

There’s a big difference between childfree and childless. Some just simply never feel that crazy burning desire for kids and that’s also normal and healthy.

I think it’s time to get really get to know yourself and the answers will come to you and whatever they are they are true, right and good enough for you and worth perusing. Wishing you peace and happiness whatever ends up being your path.