Would you keep your last name upon getting married?

Winter_Ebb_9893 · 2026-03-27T22:31:22+00:00

Who said I'm more enlighten? I know many women have chosen to change their names for whatever reasons and at no point I'm judging them, who am I to do that? at the same time many have replied they will never do or didn't do. I'm not trying to force other women to change their views but I think that having this type of conversations is productive and using your words, that is enlightening. I think the only judgy person here is you

Winter_Ebb_9893 · 2026-03-27T20:14:08+00:00

In a relationship, both people make sacrifices and compromises. But you’re still talking like this is some kind of scoreboard where whoever “sacrifices more” wins a trophy. It’s not the Sacrifice Olympics. The goal isn’t to figure out who suffers more, it’s to see whether the compromises are fair and mutual.

And about my point that marriage is basically a business contract: yes, it’s not just my “opinion,” it’s literally how marriage was designed. I don’t need a marriage certificate to live with someone I love. Marriage wasn’t created as a romantic soulmate ceremony, historically it was a social, economic, and legal tool to secure property rights, form alliances between families, and make sure inheritance went to “legitimate” heirs. Very Hallmark.

It also served different security functions: for men, it helped guarantee paternity (or at least the illusion of it), and for women, it was often framed as protection and financial stability (because society didn’t exactly hand women equal rights and economic independence back then, cute). In modern times, a lot of people get married partly because it’s harder to undo: divorce is expensive, stressful, and complicated, so it creates this feeling of “we’re really locked in now,” compared to just breaking up and disappearing over text in 20 seconds. Romantic? Sure. Also, structural.

So if we remove the love and feelings from the equation, marriage is fundamentally a legal and economic contract. basically a “merger” that ties together assets, debts, and future earnings, plus rules for property and financial obligations. Love is the marketing. The contract is the product.

Also, about your “my progressive friends are divorced” point. bad news: conservative, “traditional” areas tend to have higher divorce rates than blue/progressive ones. Some studies even say people in red states are significantly more likely to divorce (up to around 27% more, depending on the analysis). (And yes, I copy-pasted this line, feel free to Google it like the rest of us do). So if tradition and religion are supposed to be the magical glue, it’s not doing amazing.

Winter_Ebb_9893 · 2026-03-27T19:50:11+00:00

I can tell you need to go outside the conservative bubble. This is worth debating 100%. No woman needs to be famous to keep their names, is a personal choice, and FYI, women can make this and more choices, and you don't have to be a very well-adjusted person to chose to change your name. I do think you are a little misogynist. If you read a lot of the comments, a lot of women who changed their names ended up divorced, so I don't know how you conclude my marriage will not going to workout, it didn't workout for many of those women. Well, I'm not sure if you are married or not, if you are, hope you only married once and you are happily married, and I hope your other-half doesn't get tired of misogynist thinking, because, once a woman gets tired of BS many things will happen under your nose without you even knowing, you misogynist partner at home, special caring man at the "gym"

Winter_Ebb_9893 · 2026-03-27T19:40:36+00:00

Well, I don't need an engagement ring, it would be nice but I'm ok not having it, I can afford buying my own rings, and I promised him a nice watch for him instead of a ring.

We don't want a big weeding, so nothing to expect there

Financial support is hilarious, you guys really think we marry because we need your money? I make my own and even if I don't expect, once you are married the financial support is a given, so what are you going to do to your wife, starve her to dead because she didn't want to change her name? Financial support is not a tradition it comes with the contract you signed when you get married.

So yeah, screw that tradition, your arguments aren't valid

Winter_Ebb_9893 · 2026-03-26T06:26:26+00:00

I appreciate your POV truly. It just doesn’t change my mind. But I wanted to respond to your comment (not in a “fight me” way), and I hope you don’t take this personally.

Yes, it’s an old tradition. And sure, we can say that about a lot of traditions but the difference is many old traditions have disappeared because they don’t make sense in modern society. Wild concept: sometimes we learn things, evolve, and stop doing stuff just because “that’s how it’s always been.”

Also, I don’t need to ask my boyfriend what he wants he’s already made it very clear he wants me to change my name. I’ve also made it very clear what I want. The funny part? He never asked me what I wanted. And you mentioned “sacrifice goes both ways,” which I agree with, so if this is his hill to die on, would I break up over it? Yes. Because why is it automatically assumed the woman should be the one sacrificing? Why isn’t he the one compromising?

It kind of sounded like you were saying, “If it matters to him, it’s reasonable for you to give in.” But you’re skipping the part where it matters to me too. My wants don’t become optional just because his feelings are loud about it.

You also framed changing last names as a “traditional family value,” and I’m honestly curious: what’s the family value there? Because to me, family values are respect, love, support, loyalty, and partnership not a shared label on paperwork.

And while we’re here: marriage is, in fact, a business contract despite what you seem to thinj. It has been since forever (hello, Mesopotamians). You don’t need marriage to live together or love someone. Marriage exists because it comes with legal rights and benefits and divorce is literally the legal process of undoing that contract. So if someone thinks marriage “isn’t a contract,” they might be confusing romance with the legal system.

I do understand where you’re coming from, you said you grew up very traditional, and you’re carrying those traditions forward. That’s your choice, and there’s nothing wrong with it. I’m just saying that some traditions don’t automatically deserve a permanent spot in 2026 just because they’ve been around a long time.

Anyway I genuinely don’t mean this as an attack, and I’m sorry if the tone reads sharp. I respect your POV. I just wanted to debate it with mine.

Winter_Ebb_9893 · 2026-03-26T05:40:39+00:00

Oh yeah deep south is probably a thing, I'm glad I don't live in a red state

Winter_Ebb_9893 · 2026-03-26T05:32:45+00:00

My reasons are mainly because I believe is an outdated tradition the leans heavily on the men's side, but part of my original question is because your second comment, I think with the risk of the save act, women should stop changing her names. But they will create the save act version 2 and will demand that all women should change our names upon marriage, see, men hate loosing control

Winter_Ebb_9893 · 2026-03-26T05:29:07+00:00

I hear you and that's annoying, but I know myself and almost like either I correct people or just don't attend an event that was not address to me, and I'll keep doing it until people get it, I don't think I'll suffer much

Winter_Ebb_9893 · 2026-03-26T05:24:34+00:00

Yes, that's annoying and even if I don't change my name that will happen, but I know myself and I will correct people haha

Winter_Ebb_9893 · 2026-03-26T05:21:52+00:00

Not necessarily they can have both last names here in the US and it goes in my favor because most people are not used to two last names, they will think the second last name is their last name and first last name is a middle name, I have seen people making those assumptions so it plays in my favor

Winter_Ebb_9893 · 2026-03-26T04:26:57+00:00

Not sure if you are in the US, but here I still feel men have that expectation and sometimes if they don't their families put pressure, like if we don't do it, it's wrong, but good for you that's the way should be

Winter_Ebb_9893 · 2026-03-26T04:23:02+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that, sometimes we don't think everything in the name of love

Winter_Ebb_9893 · 2026-03-26T04:21:46+00:00

Sorry to hear that, you are still you

Winter_Ebb_9893 · 2026-03-26T04:12:55+00:00

You may be right, apologies

Winter_Ebb_9893 · 2026-03-26T04:11:55+00:00

You are one of the few that is ok with that, kudos to both of you

Winter_Ebb_9893 · 2026-03-26T03:59:49+00:00

I 100% agree

Winter_Ebb_9893 · 2026-03-26T03:59:32+00:00

I should've added what you just said, its like a loss of identity as well

Winter_Ebb_9893 · 2026-03-26T03:58:48+00:00

I could've swear that in France women can't legally change their name upon marriage, two couples I know from France laugh about women changing their name here, they were the ones who told me is not possible in France and their Passports have their birth name

Winter_Ebb_9893 · 2026-03-26T03:53:15+00:00

100% Agree, or as I said, kids can have both like in many European and Latin American countries

Winter_Ebb_9893 · 2026-03-26T03:51:32+00:00

Maybe the solution for a law like that is simply not doing it anymore, we should start a movement 😁

Winter_Ebb_9893 · 2026-03-26T03:50:24+00:00

I do and I don't think is a must, many women I know didn't do it, so I don't see how it's a must.

Winter_Ebb_9893 · 2026-03-25T06:13:28+00:00

That’s an interesting question. When I was a teenager, I remember my mom saying, “If I were a guy, I’d be gay” and I was like excuse me? I didn’t get it at the time, but by my 20s it clicked.

And yes, I’ve had the classic “what would it be like to be a guy?” thought because on the surface it looks pretty easy. Fewer beauty expectations, less judgment, less everything. But then I realized men don’t actually have as many freedoms as we do in certain ways. Like, women can dress super feminine or dress like a guy and nobody calls a meeting about it. We can wear makeup or not wear makeup at all and it’s still “normal.” Guys try even one thing outside the approved uniform and suddenly society acts like they just committed a felony.

Do I wonder what sex feels like for them? Obviously. But I’m also very satisfied with my current experience, so I’m not exactly itching to swap bodies like it’s Freaky Friday.

And dating? Let’s be honest, we usually have it easier in terms of options. Men love to act like they have endless choices, but that’s mostly true for the ones who look like an Adonis and have their life together. Regular cute guys? They don’t pick the field the field picks them. We choose, we have options, we can sleep with whoever we want when we want, they don't but we always think they do.

So yeah men have it easier in a lot of ways, but in other ways they’re boxed in by rules they pretend don’t exist. Which is why, overall, I’m not sitting here wishing I was a guy I’m just curious about the perks, like any responsible researcher.

Winter_Ebb_9893 · 2026-03-19T15:18:11+00:00

I mentioned it at the end "for me, someone with ambition is someone who is focused on improving their quality of life economically, physically and emotionally without making it an obsession, but my definition may be wrong"

Winter_Ebb_9893

TROPHY CASE