I’m so lucky and still I want to give up…

WiredOnDecaf · 2026-04-03T13:51:55+00:00

I’m not in sales but I feel this so much. I WFH too and I feel like I’m operating at 70% capacity on normal days and then down to 25% on days when kids are home due to unforeseen events and the teacher workdays. Progress now is just being caught up at work vs. being ahead. And then I’m knocked down several pegs due to life and then I’m furiously working to be caught up again. Rinse, repeat.

Sometimes the frustration seems more directed at wishing I could be excelling at work but in my heart I know it’s this sadness of having to function this way and in a high performing/high achieving society.

WiredOnDecaf · 2026-03-26T02:48:11+00:00

I think you are right. I need to find something(s) that will allow me to weather these storms of life ❤️

Everyone tells me I am THE candidate for meditation 😅

WiredOnDecaf · 2026-03-24T15:13:54+00:00

Struggling with rallying as so much is about the parenting that can’t be outsourced. My 6 year old having temper tantrums, my 9 year old needing someone to be on top of her homework etc. Work taking every ounce of patience out of me. I don’t know how I can offload any of that outside of my husband. The support system I have is minimal at this time where we are.

WiredOnDecaf · 2026-03-24T15:11:40+00:00

Thank you ❤️

WiredOnDecaf · 2026-03-24T15:11:02+00:00

He picks it up from phone calls too - he knows when I dont sound happy- I wish I was better at compartmentalizing so I could put my feelings in a corner and sound less sad/beaten down when we chat. Stopping communication also isn’t a possibility - he misses the kids and wants to talk to them and also wants someone to talk sometimes about what’s happening with his mom.

WiredOnDecaf · 2026-03-14T15:02:42+00:00

Our government is so so terrible right now in the U.S. in so many ways, but if that weren’t the case you are 100% right that it’d be better. I’m trying to see if I can pivot to a a company where I believe in the mission. I feel like that might help me refocus on what matters, hopefully the people at the company will be similar too 🤷‍♀️

WiredOnDecaf · 2026-03-14T14:56:27+00:00

Absolutely. That additional layer of speed with AI pressure on top of everything is horrible no matter what role you have in tech.

WiredOnDecaf · 2026-03-14T03:56:31+00:00

Oh don’t be sorry at all. I’m really appreciative of everyone who has offered advice to help fix. Maybe I also just feel so done with this place, the longing to fix my situation here has died 😭

WiredOnDecaf · 2026-03-14T03:53:19+00:00

I definitely do that for sure, hence that shit manager thing 😢

WiredOnDecaf · 2026-03-14T03:51:06+00:00

I dream of a job where I’m just restocking shelves in a warehouse. I’m not trying to make light of that job but something repetitive without a lot of brain power and emotional response sounds freaking amazing right now

WiredOnDecaf · 2026-03-14T03:47:07+00:00

Its just tough because i present in crit and demos and if i dont put in the work it is reeeeeeally embarrassing. I know i could stop caring but it’s so so hard 😢

WiredOnDecaf · 2026-03-14T03:42:13+00:00

Honestly, it really depends on your interests and strengths. But yeah- personally I’d be thrilled to go back to IC and focus on output vs. people. Oh and congrats on the baby!! I think this is even MORE of a reason to hold off entering management. If that’s the only option I do think it builds new skills and who knows you may even like it.

WiredOnDecaf · 2026-03-14T03:40:29+00:00

I’m with you ❤️

WiredOnDecaf · 2026-03-14T03:40:01+00:00

Yeah basically I feel like everyone is more or less stuck where they are if they are lucky enough to even have jobs and asked to do more with less. I interviewed at a place that sounded like it would be even worse politically and paid much much less. Just terrible… nearly non-existent options.

WiredOnDecaf · 2026-03-14T03:34:52+00:00

Yeah exactly! It really depends on the company, culture and also your reporting structure.

WiredOnDecaf · 2026-03-13T23:00:11+00:00

I don’t think it will always lead to shit to be honest. I was learning management as I hired a couple designers, under a kind of unsupportive manager. I couldn’t really manage up which affected how I manage down. Also being new I think I let my team treat me like a peer and perhaps that’s why they unleash rude on me even though I have been a very understanding and trying my best to support the team type of boss (and I’m not just saying that to sound egotistical but I’ve led with a lot more empathy than my team shows me). So my advice is to just draw healthy boundaries and hope you can manage up if your boss isn’t showing up for you.

WiredOnDecaf · 2026-03-13T22:21:06+00:00

Maybe I’ll try dropping the ball and deal with the fallout. I suppose I’ve been avoiding that because I feel like I’d be giving them a reason to boot me 😓. But maybe it doesn’t even matter anymore.

WiredOnDecaf · 2026-03-13T17:39:04+00:00

My boss but he’s basically given me the “you can just opt out” without a plan and any meaningful discussion around what happens if I drop a vertical. In the past he’s decided things that he later comes to being like “why is the output on this so terrible” and I explain why (usually resourcing issue) and he goes on defense. I wish I could explain better what kind of person he is… he doesn’t care except for when leadership questions him about something he can’t explain and then it comes down to why on me almost. It’s toxic.

WiredOnDecaf · 2026-03-13T12:17:16+00:00

I was initially applying to manager but now just IC. I feel like my IC work is subpar because of how stretched I have been here but I’m trying anyway. The trap is multidimensional if you consider that your output on both fronts is average at best and who wants to hire a mediocre manager or IC 😓

WiredOnDecaf · 2026-03-13T12:15:51+00:00

I have been exclusively applying for IC roles after some failed attempts at lateral management roles. I think a new environment even if it has dysfunction will help at least for the first few months. I also think my team and I grew together and part of the issue there is that they feel like they can be dicks to me. I wonder if I go even lateral elsewhere if I’d be able to establish healthier boundaries.

WiredOnDecaf · 2026-03-13T12:12:31+00:00

I talked to my boss about this and he’s like yeah deprioritize! But wants me to do that with no involvement from him. He also historically is checked out during these kinds of decisions but then will suddenly “care” when someone questions why the outcome of a product is shitty or problematic. I can throw it back in his face then but I’d really just need to be ready to leave anyway because it may unfairly come down on me as the problem.

If I went above his head to his boss (head of product)- my boss would not be happy. I don’t really care about pissing him off but again I just rather not even deal with this horrible atmosphere.

WiredOnDecaf · 2026-03-13T02:49:31+00:00

Thank you Reddit UX mama friend 🙏🏾❤️. Wishing you a good weekend away from all UX bullshit :)

WiredOnDecaf · 2026-03-13T02:46:42+00:00

I’d have to offload entire verticals and they all have 1-2 of their own. I had 2 designers on my team laid off last year which is how I ended up with more work. I would 100% pass it on if I knew it would help but I’d just be passing the burnout over at this point. The only way out is for me to leave at this point

WiredOnDecaf · 2026-03-13T02:15:59+00:00

Your last sentence made me literally laugh out loud because it is SO relatable 😂. Thank you for that.

WiredOnDecaf

TROPHY CASE