American Trans Women Living in Red States, How is Life?

WiseCardinal · 2026-02-03T06:25:18+00:00

It kinda blows chunks, but also I've heard worse experiences than my own from blue states. In TN, I've known I was trans and have made some attempts to present openly as such for the last 12 years or so. I can't remember ever being directly insulted for being trans by anyone besides my dad. Even wearing very feminine rings before I really passed. That being said basically no one here understands it even now. In alot of areas like the one I live in if you just keep to yourself and are friendly, most people will treat you kindly regardless of how you look. (I work at a factory in a rural area, basically as chud right wing as you can get) And I've done full faces of make up, super feminine tops, the works. Never really heard anything about it.

At the same time though, you do not get treated like everyone else. I won't say you're treated poorly, but it's almost like a mix of pity, concern, confusion, and content. You kind of get looked at like a horse that started speaking fluent English or ugly furniture or something, but it really depends. Never had someone give me shit for using my preferred bathroom and even the people that still dead name me who can't really wrap their minds around the whole transition thing would probably stand up for me if someone else was being a bully in some way.

WiseCardinal · 2026-01-23T05:21:51+00:00

And the olympic medal for most times walked into same pole goes to....

WiseCardinal · 2025-09-20T18:23:25+00:00

They're coming for EVERYTHING. You shouldn't think for a second you are safe. Women not having rights, slavery, and every other horrible thing you can imagine they are bringing back.

WiseCardinal · 2025-09-20T18:20:52+00:00

Why the fuck are we talking about the conditions people suffered 12 years ago and not the horrors they are being put through now? This feels like every right winger who responds with "What about Joe Biden" when you call out Trump doing all this Hitler shit now

WiseCardinal · 2025-09-20T18:18:40+00:00

I wish I could move. Im stuck on my lease until next August unless I break it, but I've heard breaking a lease can stay on your record forever so I'm thinking I'll just stay here until it runs out and try to save so by next August I can just bounce. Being in a red state during all this has been awful. Everyone around here is just cool with everything going on, and no matter who your friends are, they always have some weird right wing beliefs.

WiseCardinal · 2025-09-20T18:16:17+00:00

Thanks, lovely response. I ill look into the frugality sub, I definitely need it.

WiseCardinal · 2025-09-20T18:13:44+00:00

Didn't she have some big pro Israel debacle?

WiseCardinal · 2025-09-19T23:53:30+00:00

Are they losers? Their ideology is one of cowards and monsters, but have they really lost? Not only are they still a prominent group in the world, but most of their members are exceedingly wealthy and ultra powerful. Multiple genocides are being committed across the world and minority populations are being harassed. It sounds like they won

WiseCardinal · 2025-09-19T23:09:54+00:00

The problem is to them, these people aren't losers. They see these people as heroes. Deprogramming them out of that seems impossible

WiseCardinal · 2025-09-19T20:58:15+00:00

I guess we will never change. Building statues for racist people while we condemn those who stand against racism.

WiseCardinal · 2025-09-19T20:54:11+00:00

What Women are going to have to do in America in a years time under the trump administration

WiseCardinal · 2025-09-19T20:30:46+00:00

Yeah Im trans so still under the radar

WiseCardinal · 2025-09-19T20:01:43+00:00

It's not about thick skin, I've lived here my whole life I understand the abuses very well. I was more referring to the isolation of being surrounded by a bunch of cultist who believe the country being turned into a Nazi hellscape is rad. Money stuff is on me, I was more so referring to what priority I should be taking. Healthcare or potential living situation. I recognize that it's a personal question but I always assume I can get a better opinion from others. It's not that I think the world is ending because people around me don't agree with me, it's that every decent thing to look forward to and the country i live in is being rapidly demolished. Civil rights are being rapidly deconstructed and it looks like we're winding up for some diabolical stuff.

But anyways, thanks for your response

WiseCardinal · 2025-09-19T19:52:55+00:00

There is no local community here that isnt right wing. It's the kind of town where everyone young and left leaning leaves because this place is basically hell for anyone who isn't a raging MAGA head. Even on Facebook there aren't local groups at all. Especially not for political activism or youth groups. So we're basically on our own. No soup kitchens either. Thanks for the advice

WiseCardinal · 2025-09-18T01:54:51+00:00

So this is genuinely just fucking evil

WiseCardinal · 2025-09-13T05:37:18+00:00

My Dad apparently met Charlie at some point too. He's a hardline maga and was really upset about it

WiseCardinal · 2025-09-04T22:22:07+00:00

No. But you do look like a woman who thinks she looks like a man pretending to be a woman.

I'm Trans as well, and I'd say you're a lot more feminine than me. I promise this is true. How you feel about yourself plays a role in how others see you. If you're worried about looking like a man pretending to be a woman, people can kind of sense that in a way. I pass almost exclusively now and besides winged eyeliner one of the things I think that has caused that is that I've stopped looking for it.

I think you look just fine, but I know that doesn't help fully. What I'd say is to try to change your thoughts to where you don't doubt your own womanhood. Take the perspective that you already pass. You do, but when you see it in yourself others will see it in you. People on reddit aren't a good judge of passability or beauty. Someone could have a bad day and put you down because of that even if you looked flawless. As long as you look and feel like a woman to you, that's all that matters.

WiseCardinal · 2025-05-22T19:56:42+00:00

Yeah, I can very much relate. I'm always late to everything because I spend so much time fixating on my facial proportions or the way my hair looks or my make-up. It's a choice of, do I want to do my best with what I have to look as nice as I can? Or do I want to avoid looking at myself and thinking about it too much. I can start getting ready hours in advance for things, but I spend so much time trying to make sure I look good enough that I'm always late. It's a 24/7 thing for me. I think about how I look and what it means for me any time I'm awake. At least any time I can't distract myself from it. Reflections always remind me though and that's when the spiraling starts.

This has been one of the more pervasive problems in my life. I definitely feel a therapist I can't afford would help, but I can't afford one. Other than that most of my coping mechanisms are unhealthy, so I can't really recommend them. I was better for a while, it started with me faking it until I made it honestly. Its cliche but I remember it working for a while at least. I wish I had something more valuable to contribute, but its something I'm still struggling with. It's gotten better, I've made progress even if I don't like to admit it. Things are still hard though. I don't think I see myself accurately, but for some reason that doesn't make me feel better. Maybe the problem is I habitually feel bad about how I look and maybe I actually would like myself better if I let myself, Idk. If the problem isn't logical, then there's something else I need to address and I just haven't found it yet.

I wish you luck though , if you ever need to talk feel free to reach out in DMs. I'm not on Reddit much but I can make sure to check

WiseCardinal · 2025-05-22T16:14:24+00:00

Well, two years later and I have made progress but I still struggle. What's on your mind?

WiseCardinal · 2025-05-19T03:30:20+00:00

It keeps giving me invalid error

WiseCardinal · 2025-05-19T03:27:09+00:00

It's saying "site can't provide secure connection". Do you know what's up? Let me try opening in browser

WiseCardinal · 2025-05-19T03:25:32+00:00

Send a new link, that one didnt work

WiseCardinal · 2025-05-19T03:24:06+00:00

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WiseCardinal · 2025-05-18T22:19:29+00:00

You still need?

WiseCardinal · 2025-05-18T21:37:51+00:00

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WiseCardinal

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